So here it is nearly Feb and I'm just working and trying to figure out what a normal life is for me now. Before it was easy... I had no life.. I lived with a friend taking care of her kids.. no real job .. no income.. nothing.. just a life in this virtual world called online. But now I have a real paying job... one that made me enough to purchase my first laptop I have spent the past 2 days getting all the things I wanted installed on it and a virus scanner on it. The games I enjoy playing an websites saved that I visit alot.. like this one and my work web log in.

Speaking of work.. I'm still working as a server at Olive Garden. That is going very well. I know that all the walking is helping my weight loss, and as I share with the guests about my weight loss they give me great encouragement. I started in September and I am damn proud to say I have not eaten even 1 breadstick in all the time I've been there, nor have I had one of the Andes mints we hand out either. As I tell the guests, "Bread is not my friend anymore." I know that if I really wanted it I could have one, but once I take that first bite it would be too easy to think oh well I can have one today... then think the same thing the next day until I begin to not think about it as I put one in my mouth. The same thing goes for the mints. They are there and too accessible and I have come to the conclusion that thin people are very aware of everything they put in their mouth. And when I was at my heaviest I would get a snack for one of the kids and I would just shove a handful of what ever I got them into my mouth and didn't even think anything of it. And that is a habit that I have broken and I don't ever want to pick up again. So I try a bite of the new items when I can so I can describe them to the guests, but when I tell them I really don't eat much there they ask why and then I share my WLS story.

So the weight loss is about 5 pounds from having lost half of my starting body weight, that will be a huge milestone for me, cause after that I will have lost more weight than I will weigh. My rommate is mad cause I'm catching up to her and she says soon I'm gonna blow past her, yet she continues to eat fast food 3-4 times a week.. but I'm not going to be preachy and tell her she needs to change that, just try and help her make better choices.. like making her buy the Pepsi Max instead of the regular.

And on the man front, well my disappearing guy contacted me 2 weeks ago. He's been the sole breadwinner in the place he's living so all money has gone to bills and rent and no extra for internet service, funny how we get so used to something like net service, but when push comes to shove it's the first to go. Anyway, he says he misses me and that thinking of us being together is the only thing that keeps him going. I miss him so much and I keep dreaming of going to see him. I have 2 different thoughts when it comes to that... I go to see him as a surprise and in the bad version I see him with another woman and I feel like a total fool, but in the good version I go in to his job and let him wait on me. He hasn't seen me since I had the surgery, so he doesn't recognize me at all and as I'm totally hitting on him he's telling me he has a gf and he's devoted to her and when I leave I leave him a note on the table telling him who I am and wait outside to see him come running out to catch me and it's amazing to have him hug me and have him be able to get his arms all the way around me

So maybe come May or so I can save up some cash to make that trip and find out once and for all which version is the reality, I'm hoping for the best, but if it's not it won't break me... I've come too far for that. I've survived too much at this point to let anything break me again... what ever fate throws at me.. I know I can handle it... one day at a time... and just keep following my WLS rules and this new life I'm still trying to fit into will become as routine and my "fat" life was.