I want to look back and see how
Posted 08-03-2009 at 09:56 AM by Rondakay
I want to look back and see how I might have gotten here is a good thing. That way I do not make the same mistake again. There are times I do not know where it all went so wrong and then there are times I know where it started and wonder why I did not stop and take control right then and there.
I was thin and in shape all of my life until I graduated high school. When I started dating my first husband we ate out a lot and he was not very active so that me not be active. When we got married I had gained so much most of my honeymoon clothes were 18s or they were my sister’s maternity clothes. When we got back my sister had lost a lot of weight on Adkins through a Dr and my mom and her suggested that I go to him. I did and lost 75 pounds. I looked so good and was wearing size 10 again. I was thrilled I was working out enjoying life again. My husband on the other hand did not care at all. I thought he would be love it to see his young wife was thin and attractive. He was 9 years older then me I was 19 when we married. Instead he ignored me and pushed me away. Needless to say after 2 years of an unhappy marriage we divorced.
So at 21 I got pregnant I was going to medical assisting school and single and very alone. My baby’s dad was a very abusive man so I did not want to have anything to do with him or want my child to either. I lived at home and started to realize that I was not going to be able to give this child what he needed. I would never be home he would be with either a babysitter or at day care. My parents are older and they can not take care of him. I just felt it was not fair to him. So I made the decision to give up for adoption. It was the hardest ting I have ever had to do. After that was all over I really started eating. After I got done with school I wound up not working in my field but as a nanny which was painful in it is self here I was taking care of someone else kids when I felt I could not take of my own. My mom said yea but I was getting paid. I did not have to take care of them and work outside the home. While I was at that job I did Jenny Craig. The box tasted better. It was also so expensive. So it did not last long and of course the weight kept piling on.
My next job was in a hotel well all we did was sit and eat and the food that was served downstairs was noting but fattening food. I did lose some weight I started walking more and the pounds fell off, but as things got busy I stopped walking and the pounds came right back on. I dated off and on but no body really special I got my heart broken many times during this time. Then I met my second husband. He said all the right things and at first did the right things. The only problem I could see was he did not want to have any more kids but he did say he would like to have one later on. That was a big Fat lie. He was overweight and in his mind if I lost weight I would be able to do better then him. So every diet I tried to do he sabotages it. He said he liked to try to control his universe and I was part of his universe. Most of our marriage he did not work. He went form this wonderful guy to something completely different and I feel into eating and depression so bad I was trying to destroy myself. He did not want me to be have friends or my family just him and his family. We lived in another town and that made the depression even worse. When we moved back to our home town, he told me I needed to get a life so I did and when I did he got mad and pushed me down some stairs. That was the end of that. He had pushed me before but noting big. I was not going to put up with that so I left him. When we went to counseling he told the counselor I was his universe and he needed to control me. We were divorced after 8 years of marriage on our actual wedding anniversary.
Now here is the real kicker in all of this in all of this time I am hearing your fat lose weight, then oh well have more to eat it is ok. No it was not ok. Everyone was doing this to me not just my ex.
I ran into an old friend one night when I was out he was going through a divorce and so was I and we stared hanging out. He was so nice to me and was very caring. We eventually feel in Love. We got married two years ago. He is for the most part a good man but he has his moments. As do I.
So here I am at the cross roads ready to take the next step in getting healthy.
I was thin and in shape all of my life until I graduated high school. When I started dating my first husband we ate out a lot and he was not very active so that me not be active. When we got married I had gained so much most of my honeymoon clothes were 18s or they were my sister’s maternity clothes. When we got back my sister had lost a lot of weight on Adkins through a Dr and my mom and her suggested that I go to him. I did and lost 75 pounds. I looked so good and was wearing size 10 again. I was thrilled I was working out enjoying life again. My husband on the other hand did not care at all. I thought he would be love it to see his young wife was thin and attractive. He was 9 years older then me I was 19 when we married. Instead he ignored me and pushed me away. Needless to say after 2 years of an unhappy marriage we divorced.
So at 21 I got pregnant I was going to medical assisting school and single and very alone. My baby’s dad was a very abusive man so I did not want to have anything to do with him or want my child to either. I lived at home and started to realize that I was not going to be able to give this child what he needed. I would never be home he would be with either a babysitter or at day care. My parents are older and they can not take care of him. I just felt it was not fair to him. So I made the decision to give up for adoption. It was the hardest ting I have ever had to do. After that was all over I really started eating. After I got done with school I wound up not working in my field but as a nanny which was painful in it is self here I was taking care of someone else kids when I felt I could not take of my own. My mom said yea but I was getting paid. I did not have to take care of them and work outside the home. While I was at that job I did Jenny Craig. The box tasted better. It was also so expensive. So it did not last long and of course the weight kept piling on.
My next job was in a hotel well all we did was sit and eat and the food that was served downstairs was noting but fattening food. I did lose some weight I started walking more and the pounds fell off, but as things got busy I stopped walking and the pounds came right back on. I dated off and on but no body really special I got my heart broken many times during this time. Then I met my second husband. He said all the right things and at first did the right things. The only problem I could see was he did not want to have any more kids but he did say he would like to have one later on. That was a big Fat lie. He was overweight and in his mind if I lost weight I would be able to do better then him. So every diet I tried to do he sabotages it. He said he liked to try to control his universe and I was part of his universe. Most of our marriage he did not work. He went form this wonderful guy to something completely different and I feel into eating and depression so bad I was trying to destroy myself. He did not want me to be have friends or my family just him and his family. We lived in another town and that made the depression even worse. When we moved back to our home town, he told me I needed to get a life so I did and when I did he got mad and pushed me down some stairs. That was the end of that. He had pushed me before but noting big. I was not going to put up with that so I left him. When we went to counseling he told the counselor I was his universe and he needed to control me. We were divorced after 8 years of marriage on our actual wedding anniversary.
Now here is the real kicker in all of this in all of this time I am hearing your fat lose weight, then oh well have more to eat it is ok. No it was not ok. Everyone was doing this to me not just my ex.
I ran into an old friend one night when I was out he was going through a divorce and so was I and we stared hanging out. He was so nice to me and was very caring. We eventually feel in Love. We got married two years ago. He is for the most part a good man but he has his moments. As do I.
So here I am at the cross roads ready to take the next step in getting healthy.
Total Comments 2
Comments
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I put my comment on my own blog so as not to take anything away from your blog.
Posted 08-03-2009 at 11:00 AM by RC59105
Updated 08-03-2009 at 02:06 PM by RC59105 (started my own blog.) -
Thanks but I did enjoy reading what you saidQuote:Originally Posted by RC59105
I put my comment on my own blog so as not to take anything away from your blog.
Posted 08-03-2009 at 02:24 PM by Rondakay
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