Wow. I can't believe it has been over a year since my last post. I would love to say that I had my surgery, or that I was close to having my surgery, or even that I had made any iota of progress towards surgery, but the plain truth is that I gave up on myself, and have allowed myself to get bigger and in a worse spot then before. To be honest I gave up on everything, so I am taking some solace in the fact that all areas of my life went to hell in a handbasket, and that it was not food exclusive. Since the last post I suffered a meniscal tear, found out I have "end stage osteoarthritis" in my right knee for sure, and some stage in my left, I have been on short and then long term disability which involved being fired from my job when my FMLA ran out (that was fun...NOT!). I am currently fighting with the LTD people as they felt that I could do my sedentary job at the end of march, even though I could barely walk down the hallway. As you can imagine I have also been suffering from the lack of finances, and am trying desperately to sell off my possessions to pay my bills, while the LTD people decide on my claim. I also was able to finally settle my divorce and have that move to the completed isle, which felt good. And, to add to the list, I frankly ate whatever I wanted to, and now I can't fit in my car, which is not a milestone I would recommend to anyone out there. And, last but certainly not least, I turned 40, which I must admit was a lot better than turning 30, but still added to the emotional woodpile..lol

So, here I am a year and some months later, back at square zero again. Earlier this week i broke one of my wooden chairs that I sat on to get dressed, and ended up having to tap out a message for help as I could not get up, and I had to have the fire/rescue people lift me with a tarp, which I found to be a powerful experience in and of itself, as I spent about three hours on the floor, waiting for enough fire personnal to come and be able to lift me. If I had to guess, I would say that I am about 650 lbs or so, as I have not been able to leave the house to weigh myself. I lost contact with my WLS provider, as they were not happy with my lack of progress, and ths fact that I was self-pay moved me to a more infrequent visit plan, with much less contact.
So, in terms of where do I go from here, I have found a new program that is closer to my house, and I am going to give it another try. I am still trying to rehab my knee and deal with the other issues that I am facing. At this point I don't know what the future holds, all I do know is that I cannot handle more of the same o same o approach that I have taken to this point. When I am able to fit in my car again, I am going to start the process over again, and I am also going to try to eat healthier and get to the pool as that seems to be the only way I can handle working out. I will say that this last year has been a very costly one, and I am definitely paying for my choices with regards to my weight. I only hope that I can find the strength and courage to make any kind of lasting change, and not do a loop da loop again.......