[Kenyar]

ok im a little upset. in fact im in hysterics right now. it's been a while since i was so angry i cried about anything but im gonna take a deep breath and try to explain all of this and maybe someone out there can help me to NOT lose my mind....or not lol!

ok my daughters father has been MIA ever since the incident with my car. quick recap: he got a moving violation on it a year ago which he never appeared in court for nor paid the fines and because of it my registration was suspended. i never knew of this violation until i got pulled over for having a light out. my luck long story short i got arrested because driving an "unregistered" vehicle in the state of ny is a misdemeanor. i was arrested. license suspended ive been to court twice the whole nine yards. it is all now cleared up charges were dropped etc but all in all he disappeared because he knew i was mad at him and that i wanted ALL of the money it took to straighten it out ( $875.00 at this point) PLUS he still owed me for a plane ticket home from his adventure to New Mexico. every now and then he gets these bright ideas of picking up and moving and starting over somewhere else, and when it doesnt work out he calls me asking for "help" which always = money...im so stupid.

so in the interim, i have met a man (the guy ) and we are very happy, things are moving along, i am about to introduce him to my daughter etc....and wouldnt you know her father pops up into the picture right now. NOW he wants to see her. but he hasnt seen her since prior to the situation with the car. why now?? because he heard im dating and doesnt want another man in his place etc. there are a lot of holes in the story but the bottom line is, kayla's dad has NEVER been a dad to her. he has never bought so much as a pamper for her (when she was in them) not a pacifier or anything. he has never DONE anything for her or to help raise her. and now that he feels threatened by the possibility of another man actually DOING something and BEING someone to her, now he wants to jump in just to jump in, not to actually do anything.

is anyone out there who is separated from their kids dad and seeing someone else or moved on etc dealing with this or know how to deal with this? really i am open to more suggestions. i feel like just when i have things under control they go nuts again.

my issues are that, i was very attached to him. we were in a relationship for almost 10 years, and now that i am good and finally am beginning to move on he is trying to come around again and i just cant be bothered. i have such a good situation with "the guy". i mean he tivo'd big medicine to try to understand what i am going thru. HOW SWEET IS THAT????? i'm TOTALLY in love to the point where i dont even look at other men. he and i spend so much time together there is no time for anything else. i think this is the one and i cant ruin it by letting old baggage interfere. but then again he is her dad. so i am conflicted all over again.

DAMN CONFLICTS....i just cant deal with this stuff. i want to move to a desert island where no one can bother me and i can focus on my 6 meals, exercise, and fluids UGH!

does anyone have any suggestions?????? im stuck.

[beckamarie]

Kenya I am not seperated from my kids dad but here is my 2 cents anyways. I think his past actions and his history speaks for themselves, I think if you allow him to "be there" for Kayla he will only end up disappointing her. My dad was alot like Kayla's and I dont know how many times I ended up sitting and waiting by the window for him to show up for him to get sidetracked with HIS life. I say you have given him 6 years to figure out how to be Kayla's dad thats plenty.

[DeMarie]

Ouch! I don't have any words of wisdom for a situation like that. But I do think 1) don't allow baby daddy to cause you to second guess yourself about 'new guy' - he's a keeper. 2) don't let baby daddy think you are really into 'new guy' he'll try that much harder to ruin it for you - he'll scamper off eventually - maybe wait it out a little, no drama, he'll get bored.

[Kenyar]

i feel that way too. it really isnt my decision though. you see this is just the beginning. he is going to take me to court AGAIN we did court every 6 months for the first 2 years of her life then once a year thereafter. im tired of all of that. i mean he does it just to piss me off and then never follows thru on the visitation. its so aggravating. and its an interruption of my life. i want to MOVE ON and not deal with him anymore at all.

kayla use to wait for him. then she use to ask about him every now and then. now he doesnt even occur to her. i dont want her to go thru all of this again, especially now that she is old enough to form her own thoughts/ opinions. i just want him to leave us alone. she will be better off with out him than with him popping in and out of her life....i just wish he would pick something and be consistant. if he;s going to disappear, let it be for good.

[traciflud]

I say you train Clyde to be an attack cat and then sic him on "daddy" whenever he comes around!!!

[BOOTS]

Ok Kenya How Does He Take You To Court And He Has Never Paid Child Support???? This Is Not Making Sense To Me Because I Have Alot Of Friends INCLUDING MY MOM WHEN I WAS YOUNGER Where The Mother Has All Rights To Keep The Child Away Untill He Owes Up To All The Money He Owes You. In Nys You Can Sue Him For Back Child Support Dating Bk To When She Was Born. And He Can Even Face Jail In Some Cases.

Like Becka And Your Daughters History I Too Had A Dad Like This. And My Mom Made Sure He Would Have No Rights To Us Because She Was Tired Of Us Kids Getting Disappointed By Him. You Need To Step Up And Take Action And Do What Ever Is Possible To Protect Her! I Have Had A Lot Of Insecurity Issues Esp With Men Because Of My Past With My Dad. Please Protect Your Daughter. Also Stop Bailing Him Out Of Situations. You Have A New Life And A New Man Now And It Is Time To Move On And Erase Him Out. Im Sorry If This Sounds Harsh But I Have Been Thru This As A Child And It Just Gets Some Of Feelings Roaring And I Get Angry. Get Rid Of Him!!!!!!! He Will Never Change And All He Does Is Put You In More Debt

[BOOTS]

You Should Of Left Him In New Mex. So His Thanks Is He Wants To Take Your To Court.

[Kenyar]

oh he is garnished for childsupport as a result of the first time he took me to court. he tried to get custody of my daughter and in response the book was thrown at him for being a dousche bag lol. he just keeps taking me fo "violating" our visitation agreement which i havent done, but in family court everyone gets heard so we have to go thru the process....its annoying is all. i just wish he would leave me alone. i too had an absent father which was why it has taken me so long to get the man situation right. and i have found someone who is will to be a good influence on her life and her "dad' is messing with that just because. GGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRR!!

[BOOTS]

Dont You Let Him Ruin This For You. I Too Have Done The Right Thing With Marrying My Dh Who Is Great And The First Man I Can Actually Say I Had Got It Right.

I Know Its Annoying But This Is Your Daughter You Are Protecting Hun. And Dont Give Him Money Anymore Esp When He Treats You And Your Daughter Like This. What The Hell He Should Be Helping You Guys Out!!!!

I Wouldnt Bother Talking To Him Or Anything. Just Cut The Ties. Unless He Is Picking Up Your Daughter Which I Wouldnt Let Him Do At Your Home. I Would Do It A Neutral Spot. God Unless There Is A Way You Can Keep Him From Visiting Her.

I Will Pray For Your Daughter And You Cause I Know This Must Be Hard Esp On Her. God This Makes Me Soooo Mad These Dead Beat Dads Who Just Want To Cause Trouble And Not Think Of The Childs Well Being

[Kenyar]

thanks we could use all the prayers we can get lol. the funny thing is she doesnt even ask about him anymore so she handles it way better than me. he sends me thru the roof everytime. i should be more clam. i bet he gets off on my reaction...BAST@RD!!!