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04-24-2008, 10:19 AM
| #1 (permalink) |
| Big Loser  Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Hopatcong, NJ
Posts: 106
Weight Statistics 01/14/2008 Start Date:
01/14/2008 Surgery Date:
5' 4" Height: 336 lb Start Weight:
252 lb Current Weight:
140 lb Goal Weight:
84 lb Weight Loss:
112 lb Lb Left to Lose:
25 % % Lost:
01/14/2009 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index 57.66796875 BMI Start:
43.2509765625 BMI Current:
24.0283203125 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss Method Roux en Y Gastric Bypass  |  Post Op 40 Months Ok, I was at my monthly support group meeting and I asked my friend from high school to go with me, she had the bypass 40 months ago and has lost 255lbs. I was so excited to see her and hear about her journey, until she dropped the bomb on me. She is married, and has had 3 one night stands and is currently having an affair with someone. WHY? WHY? WHY? She says it's not about her husband its all about her and the high she gets from the men paying her attention. She says she feels horrible, and that her husband dosn't deserve this. Yet it hasn't stopped her. She also says that she has gained back 40 pounds because she goes out to the bar and dosn't eat properly. I'm worried about her, I'm worried about me. I don't want to end up like this. I have read numerous articles about women who have the surgery and then become "whores" for lack of a better word. What is up with that, these people obviously weren't mentally prepared for this surgery were they? I'm at a loss for words and compasion, I feel if you want out then get out then you can screw around. I don't know what to do or say to her, It was like she was dying to tell someone and I got the full blow by blow stories. What to do???
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04-24-2008, 11:05 AM
| #2 (permalink) |
| WLS Master Guru Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Troy,ny
Posts: 909
Weight Statistics Since birth:) Start Date:
postponed until ? Surgery Date:
5' 6" Height: 319 lb Start Weight:
308 lb Current Weight:
150 lb Goal Weight:
11 lb Weight Loss:
158 lb Lb Left to Lose:
3.44827586207 % % Lost:
sometime in 2009 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index 51.4823232323 BMI Start:
49.7070707071 BMI Current:
24.2079889807 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss Method - | That's too bad that your friend has transferred her addiction to food to the wrong attention by men. I can understand why you feel a lack of compassion for her but maybe that is what she needs. Someone who is compassionate enough to genuinely care about her for who she is as a person. As for yourself, I don't think you have to worry because you have focused on you and making yourself healthy. Hopefully this journey has been all about you and not someone else so I think you will be strong enough to overcome obstacles. We all stumble sometimes but you have us 
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04-24-2008, 11:19 AM
| #3 (permalink) |
| Super Moderator  | What she could use is professional guidance to help her deal with her issues that make her turn to these actions. She may not even recognize the underlying issues she has, that makes her act complusively that way until she has someone to walk her through her actions. This must be tough on you, but knowing what she does, will help you, because you know it's worng, and if you do find yourself heading that way, I am sure you will be quick to catch yourself, and get the help you need quickly, so there is no real damage done.
__________________ "In every job that must be done, there is an element of fun."   Just a li'l bit 'bout myself |
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04-24-2008, 11:34 AM
| #4 (permalink) |
| Big Loser Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Hopatcong, NJ
Posts: 106
Weight Statistics 01/14/2008 Start Date:
01/14/2008 Surgery Date:
5' 4" Height: 336 lb Start Weight:
252 lb Current Weight:
140 lb Goal Weight:
84 lb Weight Loss:
112 lb Lb Left to Lose:
25 % % Lost:
01/14/2009 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index 57.66796875 BMI Start:
43.2509765625 BMI Current:
24.0283203125 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss Method Roux en Y Gastric Bypass | Thanks guys, I know I have to be strong for her and allow myself to be compassionate, your absolutely correct.
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04-24-2008, 12:30 PM
| #5 (permalink) |
| Seasoned Veteran  Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Hawaii
Posts: 3,477
Blog Entries: 8 Weight Statistics 07/23/2007 Start Date:
July 23, 2007 Surgery Date:
5' 2" Height: 230 lb Start Weight:
120 lb Current Weight:
125 lb Goal Weight:
110 lb Weight Loss:
-5 lb Lb Left to Lose:
47.8260869565 % % Lost:
June 23 2008 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index 42.0629552549 BMI Start:
21.9458896982 BMI Current:
22.860301769 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss Method Roux en Y Gastric Bypass   | Sounds like she has transfered her food addiction to a sex addiction, she definately needs therapy |
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04-24-2008, 12:50 PM
| #6 (permalink) |
| Seasoned Veteran  Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: North Texas
Posts: 3,173
Blog Entries: 1 Weight Statistics I've lost/gained my whole life!!! Start Date:
Aug 1, 2007 Surgery Date:
5' 8" Height: 280 lb Start Weight:
150 lb Current Weight:
150 lb Goal Weight:
130 lb Weight Loss:
46.4285714286 % % Lost:
Summer 2008 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index 42.5692041522 BMI Start:
22.8049307958 BMI Current:
22.8049307958 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss Method Roux en Y Gastric Bypass | Dadgum....I mean I'm a sex addict too...but DDH knew that going in...and he's happy with the problem!! He says he's gone to bed with a different woman every night for the last 8.5 months...and not only did I approve, I even encouraged it (I'm talking about me silly nuts!!!) I hate that she feels the need to do this...it's obviously a self esteem issue....common to a lot of people who are obese...I personally never lacked confidence when I was large, so you can imagine the mess I am since I lost the weight LOL Hopefully, she'll get it worked out....I wouldn't worry about yourself...you sound like you have your head on straight and are on the right path.... |
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04-24-2008, 01:04 PM
| #7 (permalink) |
| WLS Master Guru  Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: AZ
Posts: 819
Weight Statistics January 1, 2008 Start Date:
January 11, 2008 Surgery Date:
5' 7" Height: 339 lb Start Weight:
245 lb Current Weight:
165 lb Goal Weight:
94 lb Weight Loss:
80 lb Lb Left to Lose:
27.7286135693 % % Lost:
July 4, 2009 FIREWORKS, BABY! Goal Date:
Body Mass Index 53.0891067053 BMI Start:
38.3682334596 BMI Current:
25.8398306973 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss Method Roux en Y Gastric Bypass | Kim You sound like a really good friend. I don't know what I would do except listen and suggest she gets some outside help.
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04-24-2008, 01:40 PM
| #8 (permalink) |
| Big Loser Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: San Diego
Posts: 143
Weight Statistics July 2007 Start Date:
12/03/07 Surgery Date:
5' 1" Height: 240 lb Start Weight:
160 lb Current Weight:
130 lb Goal Weight:
80 lb Weight Loss:
30 lb Lb Left to Lose:
33.3333333333 % % Lost:
12/03/08 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index 45.3426498253 BMI Start:
30.2284332169 BMI Current:
24.5606019887 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss Method Roux en Y Gastric Bypass | okay here's the thing on this one...we can say what we want about the situation, but I for one will not make a judgment. I think this journey is different for everyone, but most of the people here know that I for one, have been deeply emotionally affected along its course. I agree. It seems as though it is an addiction transfer. However (going out on a limb here), I have the most amazing husband in the world. He has been there for me for 7 years and he is wonderful. I have dropped 80 pounds since the start of all this, and my personality and overall ora has changed dramatically, which has led to the growing insecurity of my hubby and has driven a wedge between us that I often wonder whether or not will be reparable. I never thought..EVER..that this could happen. Everyday now, we find it hard to get close..bc I want him to enjoy my new body and newfound energy, and he feels insecure and isn't able to give me what I desire, even though I think he wants to. We have more differences in how we behave and think now then we ever did before and its HARD. I pray that with time and patience, we find ourselves on the same page again, bc we were always very solid and strong together. Its unfair to say that someone may or may not have been "mentally prepared" in this situation. Who on earth can truly be fully prepared for all the emotional highs and extreme lows and all the confusion that can be brought along with the dramatic changes that occur?? However, cheating and lying is not the right way to go by any means, but I understand the emotional chaos that may have led her to do so. Support her, give the soundest advice you can, and let her work out her problems. Its hard enough dealing with your own journey! |
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