[Jaime]

Well,where do I start....

When I started my journey a year ago, I was full of determination and fervor. I was going to be successful, I was going to win at this finally!

But hen sometime in the fall,everything fell apart.

My husband and I were having serious issues, my father passed away 3 weeks aftermy surgery, and I was trying to keep my mother together. We all live together... In January, the bottom fell out and my husband and I were going to seperate. Then we decided in February to work it out. We did love each other at one time and we have 3 & 5 year olds. With everything going on, I finally started counseling, I should have started sooner.... Insurance doesn't cover individual and couples counseling at the same time, so I decided that I needed to take care of me right now.

DH and I are definitely doing better, I am making progress in counseling. But I have gone back to my old ways of eating. I have actually put on 6 pounds. Doesn't seem like I am making progress huh.... But I have in other areas.

I have been feeling really worn and run down and not wanting to eat anything but carbs and peanutbutter.

I have been eating crackers, pretzles,nuggets, pizza, peanut butter.

I have not posted because I felt so ashamed and embarrassed. I read daily, but instead of motivating me, I just say look at how great they are doing, I am such a looser.

My life is nothing out of the ordinary. I have to do the same things everyone else does, chores, homework, dinner, etc.....

I can not do this anymore. I can not let this past year's weight loss be in vain.

I let DH know this morning that since he had Mon and Tues off, I am going straight to the gym after work. I brought my things with me.

The other days, I'll go right after he leaves for work, he works nights(4-4)and just put the boys in the gym kid care.

I have no excuses.

I brought only the things I can eat to work with me today and no $ to buy anything.

This group has always been inspirational and encouraging. I feel like an idiot because when I read the posts, there are things that I do not know how you deal with them and still are successful!!!!

I need to be accountable to someone, so I am going to post my food intake daily.

I do not want to live a pity party anymore...

I want to reach goal and I want to stay at goal.

Thanks for listening...

I felt like I really needed to come clean with you all because I have felt like you are my family.

[DeMarie]

Jaime,
you are actually very strong, it was a big thing for you to post this and be so open. Not to minimize anything you have said, but one thing you can be sure of is you are not alone, I'm sure many here have times when we fall off the wagon AND sometimes don't get back on for a while. It's just that like you, many don't post those times. What you read here for the most part are the ones who are new or doing well.
Good luck to you in everything - I wish you strength and patience and Gods blessings.

[Christy0283]

Jaime, thanks for posting. And, like Kitty said, we have ALL fallen and needed to get back up again. I was just thinking this weekend that I haven't been doing all I needed to do like I was in the beginning. I have been getting in too many carbs too and I haven't been getting in all my protein. I haven't gained any weight, but I am only 7 months out and my weight loss and slowed down tremendously.

Hey, let's me accountable to each other. How does that sound? You can PM me anytime.

[greensgirl19]

Jaime we are all struggling in our own ways. Sometimes we don't do good, so we don't post it. At least I don't. I'm just lucky right now that I'm still losing, but I'm still early out.
You are very strong and by sharing this with us we can try to help you. By going to counseling or at least thinking about it is a step in the right direction. And getting to the gym is the best thing you can do!

[armywife2aerial]

I want you to know your not alone Im am in the same situation as you and everyday is a struggle for me. many of the things you are dealing with I am also.

[DianeB]

Oh Jaime, big hugs to you, trust me, we all feel your pain! Just because we have a new tool does not mean our old tapes are out of our heads. I commend you for sharing this with all of us, that's such a big step for you. But the timing was right for you because you know you have had enough of this sweetie. Before you wouldn't have all these thoughts about getting right with your body, you would have picked up something else to eat, but now your heart and your mind is telling you it's wrong, good for you sweetie! Life is tough for all of us yes, and how we handle these changes varies from person to person. I'm so proud of you Jaime, you are doing the right things now for yourself, eating right and going to the gym. You know we will all be going through something similar as you someday and it's good to know you will be there for us. Good luck Jaime, you will conquer this, look how far you've come!!

[BOOTS]

Honey We All Fall!!!! I Also Have Been Breaking All The Rules And Eating Carbs Which Make Me Dump Yet I Still Eat Them!!! But Like You I Fessed Up Yesterday On Here And Today Im Determined To Stick To Protein. God I Have Been Soooooooo Sick From The Carbs.

You Are Def Taking The Right Steps In Trying To Gain Control Of Your Life And Eating Again, Just Take One Step At A Time And Dont Bear Yourself Up Hun. You Have Done Great And I Know You Will Do Great Again

[Christy0283]

My thing is that I get so tired of trying to think of quick, easy things to eat that have enough protein and not a lot of carbs. It seems like I am always eating on my way out the door to whatever we have going on next.

[DocSanae]

((((((HUGS))))))
Sooo glad to hear from you.
You've done half of the job you need to do, by admitting what you need to deal with.
You're already on your way, too.
The toughest part of this journey is learning who you are, and because it is stressful, food will try to sneak in as comfort. Kudos to you for realising that, and for trying to control it.
You have your tool, and that tool will never betray you, so long as you use it as it should be.
I am sure you will be fine.

[qt82699]

there is NO need to be ashamed or embarrased here, we all fall and we all have our issues!! i dont think there is a person on here that has not had a problem with something in terms of our weight loss, anyone who says this journey is easy is soooo full of it!! you have done such a great job and it is never too late to just start over!! i just recently posted that i was having a hard time and had gained 10 pounds...yikes!! but i have started over instead of falling into my same old habit of saying to myself well i screwed up so just keep eating ..i have learned so much about myself and the way my mind works..lol so now that i am back on track i have lost the 10 pounds plus 3 more, you can do it, you are a strong woman and dont ever be afraid to come to us when you need us that is what we are here for!! ((HUGS))