[Kenyar]

ok so i was thinking today; i think i want to lose more weight. not because i am unhappy where i am. if you recall i was miserable weighing any less than i am right now. but i think i can explain this. at least if i am losing "it" isnt over. im kind of stuck in the "what now" phase. someone posted about that and i commented in the thread but seriously, maintenance doesnt seem as thrilling as losing...am i nuts?? ugh! shopping is great but the sizes arent changing anymore. the thrill is GONE.

..i know im nuts. you dont have to answer that.

[Imlosinit]

You're a hazelnut, walnut, grapenut all rolled into one girl!!!! You are BEAUTIFUL!!!! Find something that interests you that you can work toward. Find a goal that's challenging and go after it!!!! You gotta make your own thrills. Please don't lose any more weight. You were doing good working to gain a few back and you felt better too.. you even said so yourself!!!!!!

[qt82699]

i agree, i can see what you are saying but go after another goal now, the sky is the limit!!!

[DocSanae]

With where you're at, thoughts of losing more can be like stepping into a filed of land mines, so do be careful there.
However, you had your focus on losing weight post op for such a long time, and for even longer than that, one of the biggest focus in your life was losing weight, so, if you didn't have a plan before hand what to do once the weight is gone, yes, you'll be having a difficult time setting up the next goal. Heck, even if you had a goal for what to do after losing your weight, pre op, it may not seem as fun or attractive as it did pre op, so you may have a hard time even if.
Where's your goal for becoming a police officer in this, does it rate anything? Are you training for the physicals? Even if that may seem a cinch, you should train and get ready for it, and also, keep in mind, once you get into the academy, you will have more coming, that will make you focus there, willy nilly.

Good luck in sorting out your thoughts.

[Kenyar]

thats the thing. there is a wait for the PD. so even IF i get in i could wait up to 2 years. im upset about that. because it woud have kept me involved in something challenging and demanding and exciting. right now i just think i am bored.

why is losing more like stepping into a landmind? is that a sign of an eating disorder or something? im not starving myself or anything. i mean everytime i go back to the rules STRICLTY i dump weight. i guess i have been so lax because i dont want to lose really. but im tempted to test the waters just to have something to do. that sounds crazy i know....ugh! i need a hobby.

[DocSanae]

Ouch up to a 2 year wait is tough, I agree.

Just so long as you keep everything in balance, that's fine. What I mean is, sometimes, losing becomes soooo much the center of your focus that you lose the perspective of what is healthy for you and what is not. If you have that in good perspective, then you'll be fine, but as I said, your primary focus was/is losing weight post op for over a year, so it can be difficult for many people to get out from that groove. I mean, you're only human, no? Sometimes, you will have to consciously pull away from that focus.

As for being bored and needing a hobby, what happened to your ?

[Kenyar]

i should play. i got in my new rest so now my bones wont ache when i practice

you always know the right way to explain things. i appreciate that. thanks doc!

PS. i am still having mood swings. its not TOM but sometimes i am just SO DOWN on myself. i dont cry but i find a problem with everything; how i look etc. what is that??? i should be so happy right now. i went shopping again and i am smaller than i was last month. a 7 in juniors a small or xsmall top. im still between 150 and 155lbs so i havent 'lost' anything but im small. i think im losing inches???? i still feel HUGE at times though. whats the deal?

[Trulykath]

it's like after-Christmas let down....all the gifts are given, opened, and played with...THEN WHAT....we have all this build up....pre-op stuff...surgery...then the journey after....we lose the weight....NOW WHAT??? I think a lot of the reason you don't see some old-timers around here is they take the blogs/pics down and move on....

I took your advice Kenya...I had a entire album up on my space with progression pics....I took it down...there are a few pics in my main album, but I'm weening myself off of focusing JUST ON THIS for now....(actually, the job search is pretty much taking over my life...)

I think it's important to stick around here....while I can help others...but I'm working hard on moving forward....We will face this EVERY day....every day, we have eating decisions....so it's not really over....it's just the next phase...MAINTENANCE!!

[clancythecamper]

I actually understand ~ the wt loss phase was so much fun and success feels good! The deal is that losing weight doesnt really equal success at some point. The deal is we have to figure out what our next goal is, whether personal, professional, health, etc then go after that.

[DocSanae]

Originally Posted by Kenyar

PS. i am still having mood swings. its not TOM but sometimes i am just SO DOWN on myself. i dont cry but i find a problem with everything; how i look etc. what is that??? i should be so happy right now. i went shopping again and i am smaller than i was last month. a 7 in juniors a small or xsmall top. im still between 150 and 155lbs so i havent 'lost' anything but im small. i think im losing inches???? i still feel HUGE at times though. whats the deal?

Yup, you are still losing inches, congratulations. Your entire body is slowly firming up.

Most post ops will go through this head game. It's part of the process of adjusting your head. Still feeling fat in the head is quite normal, too. You had your old body for years and years and years, and your new body for only a few months (it's not even 6 months being at your present weight, right?) so your mind, way of perceiving things, way of processing your thoughts, isn't going to change overnight. That will take some time. Probably a couple of years. It took CraigT about 5 years before he became really comfortable in his new skin, from what I know and talked over with him. You will find a problem with how you look from time to time, the change was so sudden and drastic. Heck, everyone finds a problem with how each look, pre op, post op, non op, when they go up even just a few lbs, lose just a few lbs, age, after having kids, etc etc. It's just the degree of how much of a problem you think it is. Take a look even at those waify top models. They have problems with how they look, and some get into serious trouble with drugs, alcohol etc because they can't keep up with the images they have in their own heads of how they should look, or with the images the media/the biz forces on these poor girls and they can't keep up with it. So, you're normal. You just haven't developed the coping mechanisms for this, and so have a hard time dealing with the whole change and the whole physical image of you, because you haven't gotten used to the new look, and deep down inside, you still don't feel comfortable in it.
If I am not correct with my observations, please do correct me.

Originally Posted by clancythecamper

I actually understand ~ the wt loss phase was so much fun and success feels good! The deal is that losing weight doesnt really equal success at some point. The deal is we have to figure out what our next goal is, whether personal, professional, health, etc then go after that.

The *high* you used to get with food frequently was replaced by the *high* of successful weight loss. Now that the losing stage of the weight loss journey is over, you *think* you need a new high--that life is supposed to have *high*s with the same frequency that you got the *high*s from food, and later from the lbs dropping. But, in fact, you need to learn to live comfortabley even if the *high*s in life are less often and have a bit of time in-between. That life is good, that you are successful, even if the *high*s are spaced apart. (The more grateful you can be for these blessings because they are not as many and as frequent as before--if they were, you would take them for granted, and become complacent.)
So, yes, you need to figure out the next goal, but it also needs to be long term one, one that takes years, or the rest of your life, to achieve, so you don't have to go flitting from one goal to the next to keep your mind occupied.