[Kenyar]

OK so i am hearing the noises again. It's been a while since I have had head noise. (newbies dont be afraid LOL!) Since I am not working I have had a lot of time to stare at the ceiling or watch my nails grow etc and quite frankly I am having great difficulty moving into the next phase; which is LIFE after WLS. I feel like I am stuck in limbo. I have way to many what-ifs to think about. I am unemployed. While I do get unemployment and we are fine wi wonder WHEN I will catch a break? I am on edge a lot lately. Quick movements, loud noises, and my daughter's whining are things that set off panic attacks. I have no control over them. I use to be able to breathe thru them but it doesnt work. I feel like I am headed for a nervous breakdown...that, lack of work, loss of control where eating choices are concerned, PLUS i am very lonely. I dont think I am depressed. I think feeling better due to medication is what clears the fog enough for me to obsess over these things. I guess there is a danger in feeling better too! I have been trying to convince my dr for MONTHS that munching is a definite side effect of the anti-depressants (as mentioned in Melsreturn's post) however, his opinion is that 'feeling better motivates you to eat. just pick the right things and you'll be fine' ok...? one more thing to add to my plate...

I am starting to feel like I can't do this. But I dont really have a choice. I wish I could just take some time and sit on my mom's porch and sip lemonade contemplating life's mysteries, but the problem with that is once i go south i wont ever be able to afford to come back. I dont have anything here but there is nothing there either.I cannot stomach moving there on purpose. I hate it in SC (no offense to those who live there). But I need a break. I don't know what to do anymore. I also feel terribly that I am not being the best mom I think I can be to my daughter. Yes i volunteer at her school and i go thru the motions a mommy should, but my heart isnt in it. I kind of just want to day dream instead of helping with homework etc. What the heck is worng with me??

I just feel like there are way too many decisions to be made, from what to do with my life to food choices. Too much pressure

Ok thats it for now. I hope I havent frightened anyone. I always seem to be the one who struggles here. Everyone else is doing just peachy. Why am I the one with so much conflict?? UGH!

[sburtonh]

I am not scared of you. I know when i was out of work I thought way to much. I was wondering what would happen, I was always stressed and I was not as good as I knew I could be. It was having to much time and not feeling like I was doing what I should be doing. Not trying to highjack the thread just saying I know how you feel. Keep to your plan and god will lead you through to. Just keep your head up, you are strong and a good mom and person.

[Kenyar]

thanks i appreciate that

[Trulykath]

I feel your pain...and no, things are not peachy here....I did nothing for 27 years but work....my mom once told me she wondered if I should have ever gotten married or had kids....I was so career driven. Now I've been out of work for 7 months...talk about losing your definition, LOL.

The food choices seem to be the easy thing. I know what to eat....and I don't step out of bounds...

MY POINT IS....I always say it's not what happens to you at this very moment, but how you take what you learn and move on.....this too shall pass...I'd say there is nothing wrong with you....and you're in pretty good company....!

[ksummer19]

Kenya first let me say that you are a good mother and please do not ever question yourself about that.

I too suffer with panic attacks.......I HATE THEM!!! When I first started getting them (about 5 years ago) I ended up out of work for 5 months because I couldn't deal with life in general. Thank goodness my employer let my position open for me. When I was at my worst forget about focusing on the breathing excersies....BUT you know as well as I do that they really work. Just stop whatever you are doing right now and take 3 deep breaths and really focus on each one. Clear your mind of everything and go with them. Do it now! Let me count for you 1....2....3.....4.... and hold for 4....3....2...1...and again. Did it work? Did you do them?

It's kind of funny the other day my mom asked me "did my panic attackes go away now that I am skinny?" I said NO. Now would they just go away with less weight? Hummmm???

Hang in there girl. It will get better.

[clancythecamper]

Life is always throwing us a curve ball or two, or three..... I was questioning myself tonite coz my goofy kids have made some interesting choices lately that have left me wondering "did I teach them that?" I was watching one of the Oprah shows this week and she's doing the "your best life" thing, and I must be getting ready to graduate from Oprah Univ coz I had lots of the answers they were talking about right ~ very interesting WL wise if anyone caught it ~ anyway.... We just do our best and make the best decisions we can right now and that's all we can do. I'm glad you've been going to church, hopefully you've got some good people around you to help you get thru this tough spot. Just remember, it'll be alright, just hang in there.

[DocSanae]

((((((HUGS))))))
I think, given the situation you are in in life (by this, I mean work-wise, after all, part of our self worth comes from knowing that we are worth something, enough for others to appreciate our labors and pay for them, and money in this ), which obviously is through no fault of your own, the thoughts that keep turning up in your mind are normal.
You probably could use several types of times.
1) Me time, just soaking in the sun, day dreaming.
2) People time A, being in a crowd of people, even if you don't interact.
3) People time B, interact with other people on a project, not about because your are a Mom, but because you are who you are.
4) Pampering time, have people take care of you, not you taking care of others.

You know, sometimes, things fall into place when you are doing exactly what you didn't expect yourself to do, or wouldn't have thought of doing, if you had anything else to do. You may yet discover possiblities in things and places that you thought weren't for you.

One thing I would suggest you do, (and others too, when you feel you're stuck in a corner) is to get soil on your hands--as in, growing plants and flowers, if you don't have a garden, get a planter or something. I am serious about this, there seems to be something in our genes that still call us to the flat and steady ground, and just toodling around with some earth and having to water and tend etc etc seems to bring something out.

Oh, and talking about the sun, it just may be you are having a bout of SAD.

I'm sure you'll be able to ride this out, too as you have been able to ride out your previous crises.

[lvmyboys]

I am not at all scared Maybe you just need to get away? Is it possible to go visit your mom without commiting to moving there? Also...I like docs idea....getting out and interacting with people for YOU. Do you have friends around...people to shop with, have a meal with, socialize with? That helps me a lot. Sometimes I feel like I need a break and I take a day and hang out with a friend when things are too much...just be goofy...laugh and chill. I then have the energy to deal with LIFE!! I get anxiety attacks...is that the same as panic? I feel like I can't breath...my chest gets hard...I feel so overwhelmed. It just comes on and I don't even know whats wrong. Sometimes I just start crying and then I feel better. I put a lot on my plate and feel like I do it to myself. I think you need a break...something to do where you are not sitting alone...worrying about lifes worries. Then you can clear your head and think about what it is you REALLY want to do and where you want to go. We are all here for you!! Things will get better. I think the cold weather makes it worse. I always feel a little more sad during the winter. I short trim to SC may help that!

[fr1endly2]

well kenya...
your not the only only one.
AND some issues i had to deal with proly is
one of many factors why i stayed away from the
board some.

I think your not working is makeing all this pronounced more
to you! HANg in there it will all come together for you i am
sure.

[Spikey1341]

Winter is a very hard time when you don't have all the things on your plate that you do. If you can get out and walk around the neighborhood a little. Sunshine, (when you can find it it winter) really helps your outlook. I suffer from depression and SAD. Last night after work I was really depressed. I got home in an okay mood, but when I closed the drapes to keep the cold out I got depressed. I layed on the couch and watched TV but I didn't even care about that. I was in a funk, a real stupor. Plus I am just disgusted with myself and my out of control eating.

If it wasn't so freakin' cold outside right now I would be taking my own advice. I think I need to head to the mall and do some walking there.