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01-08-2009, 08:01 AM
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#1 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Troy,ny
Posts: 2,799
Weight Statistics Since birth:) Start Date:
August 5, 2009 Surgery Date:
5' 6"
Height:
319 lb Start Weight:
189 lb Current Weight:
150 lb Goal Weight:
130 lb Weight Loss:
39 lb Lb Left to Lose:
40.7523510972 % % Lost:
sometime in 2010 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index51.4823232323 BMI Start:
30.5020661157 BMI Current:
24.2079889807 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
 |  o/t My husband left
Well here is the start of a wonderful New year I can see....Tuesday was the last time I saw my husband. As I have posted before I have been in a struggle with my husband for many years. He was alway disrespectful toward me. He comes from a culture( Sudan) that dominates women and I am so not that woman. I am a loud mouth American with the fight and fervor of an Egyptian woman. Anyway, he knew that from the beginning
before we got married but I think he thought he could change me. Domination over women is NOT ISLAM. In fact women in Islam held position in politics as well as voted and owned their own land way before we ever got the right to vote. He always had a comment about my weight. He even went so far as to tell me while we were intimate that he didn't know how he could do anything with me cause my stomach was so big. I haven't been with him since( that was 5 years ago). He criticized me as a mom and in every other aspect hence the lack of self esteem and weight gain and in the end prevention of going through with the WLS. I only have a part time minimum wage job even though I have a B.A. in biology. I have 4 children, 3 boys and 1 girl. My youngest boy has Cerebal Palsey. How am I going to take care of them? My kids talked to their father yesterday. He told them he would be home last night but never came home. I HATE THAT HE LIED TO MY KIDS!!!!! If he wasn't coming home then he should have said so. Pray that I am able to provide for my kids and also keep them mentally stable. My oldest son aked this morning, "Since dad has decided never to come home, who will pay for our house and food and everything we need?" I told him we would be fine and Allah (GOD) always takes care of his creation. THanks for letting me vent......
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01-08-2009, 08:12 AM
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#2 (permalink)
| | Super Moderator
Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Tokyo, Japan
Posts: 23,801
5' 5"
Height:
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Oh, my. (((((((HUGS))))))))
I am sorry to hear, but on the other hand, you don't need a man like that in your life, not for you, not for your children. You son may grow up thinking it's okay to be like him, and your daughters always intimidated by men. I'm sure Allah will provide for you.
Keep your head high, and never forget to smile and laugh, there's a saying here in Japan that goes, "happiness and prosperity comes to homes that have laughter".
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01-08-2009, 08:13 AM
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#3 (permalink)
| | Guru In Training
Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Back in my home state.
Posts: 319
Weight Statistics September 26, 2008 Start Date:
November 19, 2008 Surgery Date:
5' 3"
Height:
356 lb Start Weight:
250 lb Current Weight:
140 lb Goal Weight:
106 lb Weight Loss:
110 lb Lb Left to Lose:
29.7752808989 % % Lost:
October 31, 2011 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index63.0556815319 BMI Start:
44.2806752331 BMI Current:
24.7971781305 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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I too had a husband who treated me the way yours treats you, that was 14 years ago. He used to complain about my weight too and then he left me for a woman who was even bigger. I've been single since then because I will never allow myself to get into a situation like that again. Men are okay as friends but anything past that is nothing but a burden on women. I always tell young women get a career and be stable before thinking about men and children because men will leave any time they want and she will be happier if she can raise and support their kids without depending on an undependable man. Good luck to you, I know how hard it is, but you will come through this stronger than before.
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01-08-2009, 08:22 AM
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#4 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: NY
Posts: 10,172
Weight Statistics 4/19/2007 Surgery Date:
5' 9"
Height:
260 lb Start Weight:
152 lb Current Weight:
165 lb Goal Weight:
108 lb Weight Loss:
-13 lb Lb Left to Lose:
41.5384615385 % % Lost:
Body Mass Index38.3910943079 BMI Start:
22.4440243646 BMI Current:
24.36357908 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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i am so sorry for this. BUT i will say you didnt need him in your life. i understand the financial hardship but something always comes thru just in time. i am keeping you in my prayers for strength and you will make it i am sure.
__________________  KenyaR.  Lap RNY 4/19/07 | |
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01-08-2009, 08:44 AM
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#5 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Mississippi
Posts: 4,904
Weight Statistics 3/18/2008 (dieted all my life) Start Date:
9/30/2008 Surgery Date:
5' 8"
Height:
292 lb Start Weight:
192 lb Current Weight:
189 lb Goal Weight:
100 lb Weight Loss:
3 lb Lb Left to Lose:
34.2465753425 % % Lost:
2 years Goal Date:
Body Mass Index44.3935986159 BMI Start:
29.1903114187 BMI Current:
28.7342128028 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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My heart goes out to you. You deserve much better than that. Don't let him bring you down. Good luck and God bless you and you children. You have many friends here that care about you and we are always here to listen. ((((hugs and prayers)))) dixie
__________________   Love to Share , Health to Spare, and Friends that Care!
23 pounds lost before surgery.
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01-08-2009, 08:48 AM
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#6 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: North Dakota
Posts: 3,521
Weight Statistics June 11,2007, lost 36 Lb. before surgery Start Date:
September 10, 2007 Surgery Date:
5' 5"
Height:
373 lb Start Weight:
205 lb Current Weight:
180 lb Goal Weight:
168 lb Weight Loss:
25 lb Lb Left to Lose:
45.0402144772 % % Lost:
2 years Goal Date:
Body Mass Index62.0636686391 BMI Start:
34.1100591716 BMI Current:
29.950295858 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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I am so sorry that you had to go threw all that with your husband. You will be much better off without him and to raise your kids alone then put up with all that you put up with him. God will provide for you and your family. I feel partners should be equal in everything. Hubby and I do not make decisions unless we both agree and he or I never make them alone. Our marriage is a complete partnership. I respect him and he respects me. My hubby never said anything to me about my weight when I was heavy and he first told me now that it was hard to have intimacy because of all my weight but he never ran me down he just told me that it was harder, but we always had a strong relationship. I think it was hard to tell me and with all intentions I think he wanted me to feel good about myself now, and I told him that in the back of my mind I think he was thinking things like that and told him to be open with me about everything. He would not be human if he did not think those things, because it is much easier for me now. I always had that in the back of my mind but I was so self consious
about my weight before and he was careful what he said to me then. He never wanted to hurt me in that way, becasue of my weight he said he always loved me heavy or not but much better now with everything.
__________________  Diana  | |
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01-08-2009, 08:54 AM
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#7 (permalink)
| | WLS Mentor
Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Atlanta, Ga
Posts: 1,440
Weight Statistics March 12, 2008 Start Date:
December 4, 2008 Surgery Date:
5' 3"
Height:
259 lb Start Weight:
211 lb Current Weight:
150 lb Goal Weight:
48 lb Weight Loss:
61 lb Lb Left to Lose:
18.5328185328 % % Lost:
who knows? Goal Date:
Body Mass Index45.8747795414 BMI Start:
37.3728898967 BMI Current:
26.5684051398 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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I'm so sorry this has happened to you, but I agree with the others, you don't need someone like that bringing you down. And, just because he doesn't live with you anymore, he will probably still have to provide by court order. I've not experienced what you're going through but know I'd fight tooth and nail for him to support his kids.
My prayers are with you.
__________________ Martha "Your new beginning doesn't begin tomorrow, it begins with your next breath." (Taken from a lecture I heard at my WLS Support group. Why wait Until tomorrow or Monday to start over? Start over with your next breath.) My top 2 reasons for LIFE... Joshua and Jessie.   | |
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01-08-2009, 09:07 AM
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#8 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: North Texas
Posts: 5,236
Weight Statistics I've lost/gained my whole life!!! Start Date:
Aug 1, 2007 Surgery Date:
5' 8"
Height:
280 lb Start Weight:
154 lb Current Weight:
150 lb Goal Weight:
126 lb Weight Loss:
4 lb Lb Left to Lose:
45 % % Lost:
Summer 2008 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index42.5692041522 BMI Start:
23.4130622837 BMI Current:
22.8049307958 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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wow....I didn't know you were having problems....just know in your heart, everything happens for a reason & exactly as it is supposed to happen...you will come out ahead in the long run...and your kids will be better people for it all....take care of you...!
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01-08-2009, 09:43 AM
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#9 (permalink)
| | WLS Mentor
Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Rochester NY
Posts: 1,003
Weight Statistics 1/13/08 Start Date:
11/17/08 Surgery Date:
5' 4"
Height:
288 lb Start Weight:
165 lb Current Weight:
160 lb Goal Weight:
123 lb Weight Loss:
5 lb Lb Left to Lose:
42.7083333333 % % Lost:
11/2010 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index49.4296875 BMI Start:
28.3190917969 BMI Current:
27.4609375 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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I'm so sorry you've been living with this impossible man for so long. Yes, God will provide, but you need to do something too. Luckily you live in America. You need to contact a lawyer - even preliminarily - so that your husband is held responsible for supporting your children. Do not put this off until it's too late and you lose your house or apartment.
Huge hugs to you. Please let us know how it goes and if there's anything we can do.
__________________ Sarah Lost 15 lbs before surgery
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01-08-2009, 09:55 AM
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#10 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: North West, NJ
Posts: 2,706
Weight Statistics 1/14/2008 Surgery Date:
5' 10"
Height:
330 lb Start Weight:
228 lb Current Weight:
180 lb Goal Weight:
102 lb Weight Loss:
48 lb Lb Left to Lose:
30.9090909091 % % Lost:
Summer 09 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index47.3448979592 BMI Start:
32.7110204082 BMI Current:
25.8244897959 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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Kinda had a feeling he was a bastard. Do me a favor Esha - get up, go see a lawyer, sue him for abandonment, mental cruelty, alimoney and child support. Find a womans center that can help you get what you need as a woman with little income. Please Esha - do it today - don't cry, don't be sad, don't let anyone do this to you - be the strong woman I know you are and the woman he will never see coming. It's your choice - sit and let it swallow you up....or show your children that you are not a dish rag. Esha, I need you to pull all your strenght together. Do something now, before it gets worse and before he does it to you. Go Esha! GO!
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