[kitcatcopycat]

I am sure I am not the first to experience this ... yesterday I went to visit some old friends some I have not seen in over 8 months. Most did not recongize me .. I guess I was not to sure what to expect. Well yes I did, I thought it would be same old same old. Even though I had not been in their physical presence for some time, I have been in touch with them (I am a big letter writer, sending pics of the girls, etc). Many of them treated me differently, it was very odd. Maybe it was me, have I changed? I know I have physically, but I am still the same old me inside. My personality has not changed, well sure I have a bit more confidence (at times). I am just sad that some relationships have changed.

I discussed it with my husband, as things are great with our relationship, it was strong before the surgery and has become even stronger. He mentioned that I need to give others time to get used to my outside changing. That it is the american culture (he is from nigeria) that defines how others look at over weight individuals. I guess he is right. I just never thought my friends would treat me differently.

[Perfesser]

Are your friends heavy? If so, you may be seeing jealousy rearing its ugly head. Are your friends skinny? If so, they may be jealous that you "cheated" and took the "easy way" to lose weight without going through enough of a "struggle".

People in general are change-adverse. You have changed in a major way. They need to recalibrate what they see in terms of themselves. Does your weight loss threaten a heavy person by telling her that she, too, could succeed if she would only do what terrifies her.

You have worked your butt off to work your butt off. They haven't seen it, so it seems like you did it effortlessly, and that's just wrong for some people. It's like you got a free pass and never earned it. (Whatever the heck that means!! )

Be patient with them. You are finding out the depth of your relationship and where you are now. Some will disappear quietly from your life. Others will tell you just exactly what they think in leaving. Let them go. If they are that shallow, they should mean nothing to you. You did this to meet your expectations, and to improve your life, not theirs. It's sad to see this happen, but sadly, it's not at all unusual.

I am so glad your husband isn't one of them. Treasure him. Not all husbands can handle the stresses.

Congratulations on your success so far, and on your successes to come!

CT

[SarJen01]

If you look different, then you must BE different. You're alright, you just look different. Your husband is right. It will take time for some people to get used to the new you.

Did your friends know about the surgery and your weight loss?
Did you act differently?
Did you have expectations that they didn't fulfill?
Did they have expectations that you didn't fulfill?

I've lost almost 80 pounds and no one at work has said a thing....and that's because they're respecting my privacy and telling me that no matter what I weigh I'm a valued member of the technical team. I like that.

On other hand, I haven't told any of my husband's family that I've had this surgery. I'm worried that they'll be offended because I didn't tell them. The only reason I didn't tell them was because I didn't want to talk about it constantly. Ok, off topic here. Sorry.

[Kenyar]

this is where it starts getting difficult. i could tell you sotries that you wouldnt believe. but your may not end up that way. lol! i wish you all the best. hang in there.

[MsVickie]

Ditto on what Kenya and CT said.

[bluedelight]

People change and while you have been keeping contact with them by writing and sending them letters, they have things happening in their lives that could make them different from who they were before.

I was accepted by my friends because of who I was not what I looked like and that has not changed since surgery. At the same time Professor may be correct about how they feel in perspective of what they look like.

Vanity can be peoples worst enemy. While an attractive person is pleasant to look at and physically desirable, I would sooner spend my life with friends who were beautiful and fit inside and not so perfect on the outside.

You may be looking for more of a reaction and none or little came and that made you feel a bit uncomfortable about your time with your friends.

Have the confidence to make new friends. People who want to share time with you, will, the others will just fade away into memories and may those memories be pleasant ones.

[ksummer19]

It's funny what our journey brings out in other people. I know we do get more confident with ourselves and are able to look people in the eyes now however this doesn't mean we are open for hostility. I have expierenced both positive and negative from friends, family and co-workers. Give them time to accept the 'new' you after all they haven't seen you since before you started.

I was hanging with my new size 6 jeans this weekend and my 2 brother-in-laws, 2 mind you, thought it was cute to keep hitting my butt everytime I walked through the room. Not! Why is my butt open for tapping now?

[Perfesser]

Maybe 'cause it's a smaller target so it takes more skill to hit it?

CT

[kitcatcopycat]

Thank you everyone for the encouraging info!

[ksummer19]

Originally Posted by Perfesser

Maybe 'cause it's a smaller target so it takes more skill to hit it?

CT

Ha ha! You have just been full P & V lately. I think you are starting to feel better....