 Merry Christmas To All My Female Freinds
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL OF MY FEMALE FRIENDS
> > >
> > > If I were ol' Santa, you know what I'd do
> > > I'd dump silly gifts that are given to you
> > >
> > > And deliver some things just inside your front door
> > > Things you have lost, but treasured before.
> > >
> > > I'd give you back all your maidenly vigor,
> > > And to go along with it, a neat tiny figure.
> > >
> > > Then restore the old color that once graced your hair Before rinses
> > > and bleaches took residence there.
> > >
> > > I'd bring back the shape with which you were gifted
> > > So things now suspended need not be uplifted.
> > >
> > > I'd draw in your tummy and smooth down your back
> > > Till you'd be a dream in those tight fitting slacks.
> > >
> > > I'd remove all your wrinkles and leave only one chin
> > > So you wouldn't spend hours rubbing grease on your skin
> > >
> > > You'd never have flashes or queer dizzy spells
> > > And you wouldn't hear noises like ringing of bells.
> > >
> > > No sore aching feet and no corns on your toes
> > > No searching for spectacles when they're right on your nose.
> > >
> > > Not a shot would you take in your arm, hip or fanny
> > > >From a doctor who thinks you're a nervous old granny.
> > >
> > > You'd never have a headache, so no pills would you take. And no
> > > heating pad needed since your muscles won't ache.
> > >
> > > Yes, if I were Santa, you'd never look stupid
> > > You'd be a cute little chick with the romance of a cupid.
> > >
> > > I'd give a lift to your heart when those wolves start to whistle And
>
> > > the joys of your heart would be light as a thistle.
> > >
> > > But alas! I'm not Santa. I'm simply just me
> > > The matronest of matrons you ever did see.
> > >
> > > I wish I could tell you all the symptoms I've got
> > > But I'm due at my doctor's for an estrogen shot.
> > >
> > > Even though we've grown older this wish is sincere
> > > Merry Christmas to you and a Happy New Year.
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