[FemmeMode]

Just thinking of the new year...and all that it holds.
For me I hope that it will NOT hold my last 60 pounds....and that I can learn a certain balance of 'life'.....

I was reading on another website about personal assessments...and thought - this isn't a bad idea....a great way to do a SELF CHECK every quarter or so.

Of course it's great to have a quarterly check with our Surgeons ....they will get the "State of Health" done...check your weight, height (why they do this I'm baffled - I've been the same...LOL), blood pressure and blood work.

But what about your "State of Emotion?"

• What was my original goal when I had WLS??
• Have I met that goal? Has that goal changed?
• How have I succeeded?
• How can I improve?
• What barriers are standing in the way of achieving my goals?

You can read more about this in the Library: LAWLS Personal Self-Assessment

I truly believe the more tools we use to parallel our weight loss journey - will strengthen us as we traverse this new terrain....

USE all the tools you can find...not just your new "pouch - tool!"
Best wishes to everyone....wherever you are in your journey for the coming year!

[FemmeMode]

....and thinking over this for the last few days.

But what about your "State of Emotion?"

• What was my original goal when I had WLS??
• Have I met that goal? Has that goal changed?
• How have I succeeded?
• How can I improve?
• What barriers are standing in the way of achieving my goals?

What was my original goal when I had WLS??

I think my original goal when I started this journey was different from when I first stepped foot into my surgeons office for a consult....to the moment I went into the hospital for my WLS.

The 8 mos. wait changed me...I knew that I finally became honest with myself and my family about how controlling I was about food...and about how unhappy I was with being morbidly obese.

My goals were:

• to loose weight....
• to rid myself of the few 'ailments' of obesity....that I had.
• to give myself the chance of a longer, healthy life....
• to be a healthy mother/wife for my daughter & husband....

Have I met that goal? Has that goal changed?

Yes, I've met the above goals:

• I've lost weight...124#'s
• I no longer have sleep apnea, edema, incontinence, aching joints, depression, reflux.....etc.
• Definitely have reduced my chances at a stroke or heart attack....
• If I were to stay here at 209#'s - I'd be healthier...and would be able to be a better wife and mother.

No, it hasn't changed...but more has be added...and more detailed.

• Because my Doctor didn't set a weight goal...he just said 70-85% of excess weight. (which for me is between 194# & 165#'s) I've chosen my goal weight to be 150.
• I am committed to "LOVE & AUTHENTICITY" for my sisters and brothers in this journey....as well as for those who struggle with food addictions and obesity- who choose a different path - or no path at all.
• There are others...but I am still processing them...my immediate thought is, "I refuse to let this journey be focused solely on my weight....I want this journey to "mean" something...something with purpose & power."

I'm thinking further....

What do you think or feel for you???

[*Butterfly*Girl*]

I'll play.

I won't specifically address your points since I am pre-op, but this is on my mind constantly. When I go to bed, when I wake up, whatever it is I'm doing I am constantly thinking about this surgery and the impact it will have on my life. I think that aesthics are just the icing on the proverbial cake.

For years and years I have repeatedly tried to analyze my reasons for being obese and through the years I've come up with some good theories. I think though that I've hit the motherload of all theories where my morbid obesity is concerned.

I am a survivor of violent sexual abuse that was perpetuated for nearly the first 11 years of my life. The details are gory and I don't wish to share them in this forum, but trust me when I tell you that my childhood was full of violent violation. In order to survive I cut myself off of from my emotions.

THAT's that food does for me. It cuts my emotions off. Mindless eating in front of the tube doesn't really promote self awareness for self health. By being morbidly obese I am also perpetuating the same violence that was done to me as a child. I don't love, cherish, and protect ME. I'm abusing my body. I'm opening wide the door to all sorts of co-morbidites. It's like I put out a diamond encrusted welcome mat to Type II diabetes, heart disease, sleep apnea, et al. Apparently I've told them to invite their friends achy joints, asthma, and displaced anger, too. When I'm shoveling food in my mouth at the speed of light I don't have chance to stop. To think. To feel. I use food to numb myself. I use it to numb myself from the stares of people. I use it to numb my self hatred (that I so miserably displace on my poor DH). Food is keeps me from taking risks and living my life b/c it reflects horribly on my self esteem.

I feel like my life is waiting behind door #1 and I can't wait to open it. I know that the process is gonna hurt like hell, but I'm ready. I'm 36 and I'm ready to FEEL again, to LOVE completely, to not block others out by my obesity. I can't wait to jump in with both feet-- I'm so ready.

I hear on MONDAY if I go in on THURSDAY for my surgery. The anticipation is KILLING ME.

God Bless ya'll if you got this far (you were warned I DID say I was feeling blog-y).

[DocSanae]

((((((((((((HUGGS)))))))))))) Tina.
Praying with you that you get a very good answer, the answer you need on Monday.
Your knowledge and understanding about yourself is power, and that power is sure to lead you to success.

[FemmeMode]

THIS response is EXACTLY what I was hoping for....

A friend...
A support...
Someone that will "enter in" to an 'authentic look' at what's REALLY going on INSIDE?!

Your post has spurred on deeper thoughts and realizations within my self - that I'm going to look at! Thank you.

GIRL...you need to start a BLOG!!! I've blogged something simular.
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More from me.... if you are interested...it's long...pressing the link will take you to this part of my blog.

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Thanks TINA!!!
LOVING you.... with every new thing I know of you...and see of your growth and authenticity!!