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03-29-2006, 08:49 AM
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#1 (permalink)
| | WLS Master Guru
Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Near St. Louis, MO
Posts: 636
Weight Statistics June 17, 2005 Start Date:
June 17, 2005 Surgery Date:
5' 2"
Height:
313 lb Start Weight:
268 lb Current Weight:
220 lb Goal Weight:
45 lb Weight Loss:
48 lb Lb Left to Lose:
14.3769968051 % % Lost:
July 15, 2010 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index57.2421956296 BMI Start:
49.0124869927 BMI Current:
40.2341311134 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
|  Friends and changes
Why is it that some of your friends end up not being your friend after weight loss surgery? One of my good friends has not spoke to me since New Years Eve. I am not sure why other than I am smaller than her now. We had a good time and nothing negative happened between us. I just don't get it. I have not changed the person I am or was, I just look a little different. This morning, she was at the gas pump in front of me and didn't wave or even say hello.  You know that really hurts my feelings  but I don't feel that it is worth confronting her about it. Is it because she has gained weight and isn't satisfied with herself? I just don't understand why she is being this way. Can anyone shed some light?
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03-29-2006, 09:23 AM
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#2 (permalink)
| | Super Moderator
Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Tokyo, Japan
Posts: 24,781
5' 5"
Height:
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This unfortunately seems to be something many post ops experience. There are people in this world who depend on other people to feel better about themselves, whether in a positive or a negative way. No offense to your friend, but she may have been "using" you to feel safe herself...excusing herself from not making the effort to work for a healthier life because you were there in the same boat. At least, until you decided to exert a more positive control over yourself. I imagine, at this moment, she is having a hard time adjusting not to your outer change, but to the fact that she no longer has someone she can use as her crutch. It's her loss, not yours, as, obviously, you as a person is the same. Very sadly, she can't see that, so she won't come to you and talk with you to learn what her options are.
If you feel too hurt over this, leave her be for the time being.
If not, whenever you run into her, I would suggest you acknowledge her, even if you can't engage in converstation, and let her know by your attitude that you are keeping the door open. Whether she chooses to come through or not is her choice -- you aren't responsible in any way for her actions, she herself is the only person who is -- and something that you need not beat yourself up with. Instead, stay close to those who accept you as you are, and not judge you. You are you, and that is the most important thing.
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03-29-2006, 03:31 PM
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#3 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: SOMEPLACE LONG ISLAND, NY
Posts: 6,809
Weight Statistics June 1, 2005 Start Date:
5' 5"
Height:
310 lb Start Weight:
167 lb Current Weight:
159 lb Goal Weight:
143 lb Weight Loss:
8 lb Lb Left to Lose:
46.1290322581 % % Lost:
Body Mass Index51.5810650888 BMI Start:
27.7872189349 BMI Current:
26.4560946746 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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hey SHELLEY ((((HUG)))))!!!!
it stinks but it happens. ALL i can say is
for this to have happened maybe it wasnt
a true friendship!
HARD
lisa
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03-30-2006, 09:16 AM
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#4 (permalink)
| | WLS Mentor
Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: outside of Ottawa Ontario
Posts: 1,187
Height:
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i've heard this in other chat rooms. I don't know why people re-act this way but to me it seems like she wasn't a true friend. I think a true friend would be happy for your accomplishment and be there with you. (Especially to go shopping). A while back i was at a get together with alot of family and friends. I don't know if she thought she was being cute or not but we got talking about weight. I of course as usual was the biggest one there and the skinny girls were all complaining about being fat. A girl that i had thought was my best friend for a number of years made a the comment, "a great way to look skinny is to hang out with people fatter than you." Boy was i mad. Needless to say i didn't keep the friendship up because i felt she was just using me so she could feel better. Maybe that is what's going on with her, like Doc said. Either way we are here for you and i for one think you are a beautiful person big or small. I know you don't want to confront her but if it were me i would. I hate not knowing where i stand with people but that's just me. How she is reacting is not your fault and is definatley her loss.(((HUGS SWEETIE)))!
free bird
__________________ Don't let todays sorrows cloud tomorrows dreams 
(Surgery date? = still waiting)
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04-02-2006, 10:41 AM
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#5 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: NYC the best place in the world to live!
Posts: 3,453
Weight Statistics Halloween 2005 Start Date:
4' 11"
Height:
212 lb Start Weight:
127 lb Current Weight:
130 lb Goal Weight:
85 lb Weight Loss:
-3 lb Lb Left to Lose:
40.0943396226 % % Lost:
Body Mass Index42.8141338696 BMI Start:
25.6480896294 BMI Current:
26.2539500144 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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Yes it is unfortunate that people do act this way, but it is also fortunate. This is when we learn who our true friends are . It is similar to when you have a child. You have friends that all of a sudden do not have time for you or your new family. This is why life is so wonderful. Yes i have lost some friends that cannot deal with me looking and feeling so good but i have also met lots of new friends on this journey. People that can relate to issues i have. All i can say is that the friends lost,  well its their loss. HAVE A GREAT DAY!
__________________ LisaMarie  | |
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04-02-2006, 11:02 AM
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#6 (permalink)
| | Super Moderator
Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Tokyo, Japan
Posts: 24,781
5' 5"
Height:
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Quote: |
Originally Posted by LisaMarie All i can say is that the friends lost, well its their loss. HAVE A GREAT DAY! | Yes, I agree.
There's a saying here that goes,
"Never chase those who leave, embrace all who come."
May you be blessed with new true friends!
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