[armywife2aerial]

ok so im still sitting here and i should be getting ready for work and i just got done reading some really grate post that got me thinking about my self my thoughts on life. were my life is headed. I have a great life a wonderful careing loveing husband a beautiful family that suports me in everything i do. I just love my job for anyone that does not know i am a hair stylist. and thats all beautiful to me

But!
I offen latly think that god has a different path for me. I have always been a kind of shy person till you get to know me then im just a big fool. But ever sence I have started this jurney everything is changeing MY LIFE is no longer a secret im now longer being a bug on the wall. I am so proud of my self for makeing the desicion to have this surgey I feel like i have something to share about my self with the hole darn world. i have not had the surgery yet and i feel reborn. when people ask me if im scared i say no i'm not scared just the element of wonder is there. or when i am told why don't you go to the gym or eat less it no longer bothers me i look at it as its so much easyer for someone who has never lived there life obese to dictate what i should do to make me better. life in general i am looking at so differently. My outlook on the beauty of life has change so much in just these last fue months. I love life so much and i know this is going to bring beauty to not just my life but everyone elses life that i can tuch with my words and my love. with that sead i must go to work there is so much more i would like to inculed but you all will get to see that in my comeing posts im shore as time passes buy.you all have tuched my life in special ways and i thank you for that.

Love Ashley

[armywife2aerial]

i just read this to my husband and i cryed the hole way through it so i hope you all enjoy it and i will talk to you all soo

sometimes its easyer to write what you are feeling.

[MsVickie]

Awee bless your heart. Yes you do start seeing the world different now. I know I do. I use the word I cant wait to be normal. Not that im not now but a overweight person sees them self as not normal, or I do. I know for a fact Ashley you lite up this board and made alot of people smile including myself. I have told you that. I so glad your here and were doing this together. If I ever get up that way I will be sure to let you and the other Newyorkers know im comming. Your a blessing to me Ashley and thank you for finding these boards.

[armywife2aerial]

MsVickie-my dear friend thank you so much. I am so glad i have got to meet such wonderful people like you. you have touched my life and its a beautiful thing. I thank you.


a bit more to share

A new friend messaged me and you know who you are with a beautiful message in that message was the thought (i know God did not choose for me to suffer) and i truley beleave that is true My thoughts are God never has the intent for us to suffer but from suffering we are learning. when i am in pain and herting and trust me at 26 years old and 320 pounds my back and legs and feet make me feel 105 years old at times. i dont know what a year or two or 20 or more will bring but i do no i will always be able to look at it as a steping stone you must have pain and suffering to know what happyness is.
Being obesey has made me see the beauty in people. The beauty in life. there is so much more to a person then the size of there waste. we are all induvidual in are own whys. I judge people after i get to know them i judge after i see what makes them tick so to say. I feel everyone should have to feel what it feels like to not fit in a booth at a resterant. or the feeling you have when you Have to ask the flight attendet for a seat belt extender its humilating. the feeling that everyone is looking at you wispering about you.

I know i will never judge a person based on looks. I know no matter what size i am i will always be obese Ashely and i am proud of it. i may not look the same on the out side But i will always have the scars of this person they may in time heal and become harder to see but this person i will alway and forever cary with me and hold dearest to my heart. i am me and i love me for the person i am and not what anyone else thinks.

sometimes i will joke and say God new he could not put me on this earth skinny because i would have gotten myself in a hole heck of a lot of trubble running a muck.

just another snid bit about me i loved haveing the chance to share it with all of you i hope you enjoyed reading it .

love ash

[DocSanae]

((((((hugs)))))

[Kat]

...amen sister.

[armywife2aerial]

this weeks snid bit

ok so my husband happens to be black and we live in a very small town with many small minded people with many of the older generation of people being racest its a sad thing that in 2007 people can be so closed minded and stupped. well my husband yesterday went to two ice cream places the first one ignored that he was even there till he was walking out of the door and asked if they could help his he politly let them know if they could not help him for the past 10 min what could they help him with now. so he left and went to another little country home made icecream shop when he walk in the door the were a group of older white people there my husband has went there many times and the people are always nice to him and say hi and if there debit card michine does not work they just let him run a tab and he pays it the next day cash well yesterday it was a hole differnt story this is the second time that he has went in there and they treat him like crap to woman will not talk to him the people were wispering under there breath and she did not even offer to run a tab when her credit machine did not work. so my husband politly sead ok mam thank you and mabie you would like to consider takeing down the sine that seas you take credit when you the thing never works.

my husband its not the tipe at all to play the racest card and he has travaled all over the world and been many places why in my home town people have to treat him like crap

last night he told me this story and he was up set and what i told him was the feelings you are haveing right now i feel every day of my life being obease every one looks at me like i am differnt people talk about me. every store i walk into every resterant i walk into someone is looking at me haveing something to say.


These are the things you never forget these are the things that make you a strong person these are the things that make me who i am. i proud of me and i will always love me for me. never forget were you come from but always look forward to the next day


May God bless each and everyone of you with happyness and good health

love ash

[MsVickie]

Im sorry Ashely your hubbie had to endure that. Its not right now matter were you live. Yes you would think in the year 2007 things would be much different now but as we see each day racism is still very real. Im glad you husband was nice to them but let them know were he stood. I have found the best way to deal with rude and nasty people is to kill them with kindness. If we resort to there ways were not much better than they are. Does that make us pawns? Naa I don't think so. It just shows the world we deserve more respect than we are given most days.

I like to think of the movie Forrest Gump when i hear of things like this. You know poor old Forrest was smarter than any person I know. I love that movie. Its the first movie I ever bought and still have to this very day. I still watch it a couple times a year. You don't have to be smart, white, skinny, beautiful, and have lots of money to have people love you.

I to Ashley have seen people watch me when entering a restaurant, looking at me. When I meet someone for the first time they always look at my stomach, then to my face. They don't mean to do it I don't think, but its automatic. Im a tall girl and I carry all of my weight around my stomach and butt !! LOL. Sure the rest of me is over sized to but those areas have a lot going for it ! I will say the only time publicly it ever bothered me was when my son was a senior in high school. I had went with him to get a pair of shoes he wanted so bad. He was convincing me they were worth it. There were 3 other young men looking in the same area we was and they made fun of me. I was more embarrassed for my son than I was myself. When I got home that afternoon I called my Credit Card company and had them send a card out in his name with a limit on spending of $100.00 per month. Why? So that he could shop for his clothes in the hip stores so I would not embarrass him any longer. He was thrilled with the card and thought it was because he was old enough not because I was fat.

Ashley you tell Ariel Im glad he stated what he did them. And Im glad he kept his self respect while doing so. Its the peoples problems that have the issues with his color, not him. You tell him to keep his chin up and overlook such disrespectful people. Its nothing more than plain ignorance for them to act they way they do. You take care girly........

[Jerry]

Hey Ashe and MsVickie how are you doing? I have problems with alot of peaple...My sister and my brothers herd Im having this operation and they turned there back on me in disquist! My Wife and two boys however ,true blue, there my backbone as well as the good lord above! Well Im not sure I mentioned this or not but I do have a temper and I was going to lose it on my sister and brothers. Then you no what my sweetheart of a wife said: She said it was them that had the problem..not me! She reminded me Im getting this done to help get my health better! She also said that her (my wife ) and my sons were behind me 125%. I keep reading about WOW moments on this sight...I think I just had my 1st one!!!! Cya on the bench ladies!!

[BreeChick]

It is sad that racism still exists. You'd think by NOW society would have gotten past that. Plus obesity prejudice is STILL very acceptable when society says you're not beautiful unless you're a size 0 or size 2!!!

Anorexia is much more acceptable looking. Plus with working with primarily with men I see how they always look at what I call the 'stripper look' anorexic looking women with HUGE fake, obviously FAKE boobs. These women will be going out to the clubs in very high heels, dresses that are barely cover their behinds much less the front and of course are very low in the front too.

At first when I'd worked SO hard to get my body soo small and muscled I enjoyed the attention from men. But then when it got so out of hand and I often got asked if I was a "dancer"..it really got to the point that men..mmm I don't know how to put this really.. They just got really out of hand with THEIR preconceived idea of what I was and who I was. Believe me when a guy was pulling all those lines and saying all that crap and I just inside was laughing until the point they got to and "what do you do" with that expectant look..Well let's just put it this way--when I told them WHO i work for they shut down and said, shaking my hand, "nice to meet you M'AM" and walked away....ROFLverthe top:

I know that not ALL men act this way that there are some good ones out there. But what I find for ME is that --I-- have changed in that I don't want or need that attention from men anymore AND I've taken a good hard looong look at what I want to do with this gift of life I was given.

This surgery definitely has changed more than my BODY, it's changed ME and how I look at things, how I THINK how I FEEL..hey I can FEEL now since I don't just stuff it down with food!