[Kat]

I was gone to my hometown on vacation for a 8 days. During that time, I stayed @ my sisters.
Unfortunatly, my dear Uncle passed away while I was home. He was in his upper 80's and suffered from pancriotic cancer. He was ready to go and all of his children were there from near & far. It was an experience full of love, spirituality and the realization of a man who posessed faith, grace and character.
I ended up doing the "catering". I was glad to do this as I love what I do and I especially love the people who needed help. They thanked me repeatedly & I know that they truly appreciated everything that was done on their behaf.
Enter my sister. She also helped a lot. She has had stints of cooking in food service too and though her experience was is not at the same level as mine, she is a wonderful cook.
Here is the problem. The entire trip, I felt as though she held resentment tword me. Not only that but it seemed that everything I did annoyed her and she just didn't seem very happy. I also found out while I was there that she had told my aunt (and who knows how many others) about my surgery.
She was sworn to secrecy and went ahead and blabbed anyway. This had nothing to do with me. She did it for herself. I don't understand why. But yes I do. She did it partially because she is jealous. She's overweight and is miserable. She revels in dwelling on negative things and constantly worries over things that are not her business and often have little consequence in the scheme of things.
Anyhow, her actions made me feel very sad, almost like I don't like her too much. She called me after I got home and I didn't even answer my phone. I just couldn't bring myself to be open to a conversation with her.
I hate feeling like this. 3 days back and I'm still decompressing.
I want to feel better. I just haven't figured out how. Any ideas or insights?

[Kenyar]

I havent crossed this road just yet as none of my family really knows I've done this. except for my sister. but theres no competition between us where weight is concerned (yet) The only guess I have is that yes, your sis is jealous, and didnt know how to come to you with her possible desire to do this as well? those of us with siblings know there is an automatic rivalry. I am sure your formal chef training is another tough point between the two of you, especially during this family gathering. Time will heal this wound.

all i can say is i truly hope that it works itself out. i have no advice. just here to be supportive.

my condolences to you and your family. I'm sorry for your loss.

[DocSanae]

((((((((HUGS))))))))
Condolonces to you and your family for the loss of your Uncle. Since he lived to be an old man, I hope he had a full and happy life.

It's sad when someone you love (of course, you love your sister, don't you?) and have known all your life, thought you knew well, and trusted, broke that trust, and didn't return your love the way it should have been. But, it does happen from time to time, and I guess the best thing, the only thing you can do, is to leave it be for a while.
Maybe she called to apologize, maybe not, but what happened is totally her own problem, not yours. You can't do a thing about her, actually. So, I think it's best to go your way, at least for the time being, and be grateful that you don't have to deal with her daily, and work on yourself. You still need a lot of time for yourself, before you can face situations like this, and still feel safe.
Just pray for her that seeing you helped give her a wake up call to change her ways, to deal with her issues in a positive manner, instead of dealing with them negatively, so making herself more unhappy.
The only thing we can control in our life is the choices we make, and even with that, we can't control the results. So, sad and depressed as you may be, be sad for her that she is such a sad person, but don't be sad nor depressed about how you are reacting to the situation. Your reaction is perfectly normal, and your instincts to *survive* has made you move out of her way for the time being.

So, what you did is the best thing for yourself. Don't dwell on it, walk away from it for now, and work on yourself. The next time you see her, things may have changed for her as well, and even if it hasn't, the time inbetween will make you stronger, if you work on yourself, so you will be able to deal with it better.
((((((HUGS))))))

[BOOTS]

Yeah I Agree With Doc. Sorry I Dont Have Much Advice Of My Own To Give. I Have A Sister But We Are 14 Years Apart In Age And We Really Never Had The Sister Rivary Going On. But We Are Two Totally Diff People I Guess Because There Is Such A Big Age Gap So We Were Never As Close As If We Might Of Been If We Were Closer In Age To Me.

[Kat]

She is a jealous person in general. I love her but don't like her now. She's 64, and will never change. She knew that I wanted (and needed) to keep my WLS private for my own head. I've had people watching me and my weight all my life and just didn't want to deal with any BS. I'm the first person to talk with others who have a weight issue and wcome forward about my experience, if asked for the right reason (to me).
I am staying away from her. No, she didn't call to apologize. She is who she is, only more so now.
It just bent my mind a bit. I'll be OK once I get back to work on Tues. and get swallowed by the problems there, lol.

[Jill]

I am sorry you had such a hard time with your sister. Families are complicated. I haven't told anyone in my family except for an aunt and my son about my surgery because they have similiar emotional issues. You can't change her or help her, you just have to look out for you. When I'm feeling down, I always like to do something that makes me happy, whether that's seeing a funny movie, or going shopping, or having dinner with good friends. I hope you find something that will lift your spirits and make you feel happy and leave behind those sad feelings!

[LittleLisaMarie]

Im sorry you are having this family issue. Unfortunatly there are people in this world that cannot just be happy for us. They think life is a competition .....jealousy is an ugly thing and makes people very ugly, even when they dont realize it. They feel the worse they make you seem the better they look. To break that confidentiality is terrible. I have experienced similar situitations with not only family but friends along this journey as well. Hang in there and keep your head high.


LittleLisaMarie

[rshel717]

I am sorry for your loss of your uncle. From what you desribed he is headed right in the hands of our father. As for your sister, you hit the nail on the head, she is who she is. Your not surprised by her actions, but you have every right to be hurt. Give up to the father in heaven and pray to your uncle (since he is in with the big guy now) to soften your heart. You are the strong one who did something about the situation you were in ie... your weight. Your sister sounds so insecure that even your bond as sisters could not make her stop her negative behaviors. Pray for her she needs it. I will keep you in my prayers. God Bless You!!!

[A new me]

Kat so sorry about your uncle and also for the issue with your sister. That is too bad. I would say she is jealous and that was her way of getting at you for her jealously over your surgery.I would do the same thing right now, ignore her for a bit. I would be too afraid I would run my mouth off at her. Some people will never change and its all part of familes unfortuantley. Hang in there Kat.

[beckamarie]

Kat I have no words of wisdom but I do want to offer my condolences on your uncles passing.