[FemmeMode]

I really had a huge breakthru about "who I was being with food" before my surgery....and "who I am being NOW with food" after surgery...

Before my surgery... I loved going out with friends for lunch, dinner.... or meeting over coffee or breakfast - all these little "get togethers" surrounded food ! Wow, I just am amazed... it was such a wonderful realization...before surgery I would be focused on where & what we would eat...and have great conversation and once the food arrived ... my attention span shifted to the inanimate substance sitting delectably in front of me!
I didn't realize until I went to dinner last night...Knowing that no matter WHAT is in front of me - foodwise - I would not be able to stuff myself...focus on it too much, etc. So, my mind shifted...I had to make a conscience shift to focus on my enviornment...the others around me...and the whole conversations.
THAT was when it hit me....this was something completely new for me...
This dinner was not about the good food...it was about those around me...visiting....enjoying the enviornment....and soaking up the evening like I don't ever think I've done.

I'm excited...this is completely new thinking for me!!
WOW...

[fr1endly2]

DEB !!!!

WOW!!!!! not sure if you ever saw my POST "GOODBYE TO FOOD" so ill share it with you here and for others as well:

Dear Food:

I want to thank you for the comfort you brought me many times in my life. I believe more than once that you saved my sanity. When I was scared, alone, a young teen and no family, I turned to you and when nobody would listen I shared my pain and loss with you.
I want to thank you for the good times I shared with others while eating a delicious meal. I have good memories sharing a good meal with people very dear to me.
So far, so good. But it hasn't been all good, the relationship between you and I. My devotion to you, my obsession with you, has reaked havoc in every area of my life. You became a crutch for me to hide myself, to protect myself, to comfort myself physically while ignoring myself mentally and spiritually. The effects you had on my body at first didn't compare to the comfort you brought me. But that caught up with me and my body paid too high of a price. My spirit suffered, my body suffered, my mind suffered, my social life suffered, my ability to work suffered, my ability to be an active mother suffered, my relationships suffered.
For all of those reasons I worked on my "self" for a very long time to prepare to say goodbye to the role that you play in my life. It took two years for me to learn to find comfort elsewhere, to reclaim my life, to reclaim my own power over my future and my body and my health. I've taken the plunge and purged your importance in my life. You are no longer needed for me to find solace in hard times. You are no longer going to be the person I run to for comfort, I am no longer too weak emotionally to turn to myself, to find other ways to feel better.
Already I see the differences physically since beginning my path to redefine our relationship. I feel better than I have in years. I am no longer afraid to look in the mirror. I can also feel huge changes emotionally. I am so much stronger and no longer need you the way I once did.
So food, this is goodbye. I won't call you my friend because many times you weren't. I won't call you my enemy because many times you saved me from a downward emotional spiral. But I will say that with this redefined role in my life I am ready to accept you into my life as a tool to stay healthy and strong. We won't see each other as much anymore, and heck when you hit my plate alot of you will be thrown into the trash. I am learning that there are valuable things you can offer me and I'm choosing only those valuable things.
From here on out you are merely a means of existance, a fuel for my body which is nurturing my inner self. Dont be sad to say goodbye, I am not. I think we'll get along much better this way.

Adios Amigos!

[freebird]

friend still love that and the poem bandit is still working on a letter of her own.

femme wow this is a realy amazing development and i hope you are very proud of noticing this. our family and friend get togethers always focus on food but i guess that will change for me too. i only hope i can see what and who's around me the enviroment and all that you mentioned rather than focusing on "oh i wish i could eat that,"

thanks for sharing with us, keep us posted on all of your wow moments. and the bad ones to.

freebird

[Pillows]

I am really glad that you brought that point up femme, I have kinda had the same thoughts on the backburner too. I have a group of ladies that I like to go out with once a month, and we started out going out to eat. When they found out I was having the surgery, they agreed to make the next few get togethers non food related, and one of them even told me pre op that it would be months before I was ready to go out to eat socially. I will admit that it bothered me that she felt that way, and was really relieved when I figured out she was wrong. I have been out in a restaraunt socially a few times since surgery and have found that if I center my attention around those people around me, that it is a real joy instead of torture. I do get hit with an occasional, man I wish I could eat that, but then I think about what it would be like to not be alive to enjoy the evening and the company I am with, and it helps put things in perspective. Thanks for your sharing everyone.
Janae

[Catapillar]

Femme, You are so right... the focus has changed! It is quite mind boggling. This is actually the thing I most wanted to happen for me to not focus on food so much. I have always put that first and now I can sit and have a tea or water or even just small snack and I dont feel the need to go to eat with every outing... On a different note, one thing that I just reallized yesterday is that I notice so much more often now when people chew with thier mouths open or do discusting things at the table like cut thier fingernails or blow thier nose. So with the good focus I have found this new thing seaking out people with poor table manners. LOL. I will have to work on that next...

And Pillows, I was also able to go socially back to the "out to eat scene" right after surgery... It's all in the mindset and people who wont ever be in it cant understand it.

[ChuppyGirl]

Guess what??? I have the same kind of feeling. Now I started to focus on the resturant interior design, on people what they wear and their attitude. I enjoy the talk with my hubby coz he's the one I go to resturants with or have a home made meal with.
I started enjoying the baby talk that I had with Jude and listen to her. Before I used to be very much pissed of with how she's slow or not table disciplined and can't enjoy my food with her on the same table! Add to that I hated so much my eating moments at the past bcoz I was in a great challenge with my gastric banding. It hurt me physically so much because I insisted to eat big morsels without chewing it well, so when Jude made a lil move or start misbehaving I pour all my pain and anger on her!.
Now everything is different, I admit it's a new behavioral change. It's an attitude that from now on will be more healthy and must stick to it for life long.
It's a new life style that I'm very gratful to get introduced to. Thanks to this support group I don't feel I'm alone in this new life style :~)

[Pillows]

It is so funny that you mentioned the whole noticing bad table manners from others. I realized that the kids were having some bad manner behaviours so it prompted a discussion on manners and a quick lesson. I am trying to make them more aware right now and I didn't really even figure that the reason why my timing was now is due to an increased awareness, now that I am not as focused on the food. Very very interesting.
Janae