[freebird]

this is terrible, i have been so sure for so long about getting this surgery that i was suprised when i could not sleep the other night and found myself second guessing my decision. i can't believe this but i was actually thinking that i should give the weight loss one more try on my own. well not on my own really but i realized that i had lost 22lbs at the begining of the summer simply by changing my eating habits, using a morning meal replacement and on the medication metphormine. i got to thinking that if i could lose that much maybe i could lose the rest of it, would i be able to keep it off with my new better eating? it would probably take me about 2 years and it would go slower than with the surgery, could my body take the punishment and the purging of the side effects of metphormine? and if i did it would i gain it all back the minute i went off of this medication. i have been working so hard toward this surgery, and now at the last minute i am wondering if it is the best solution for me? maybe i just am getting cold feet or discouraged by the roadblocks they keep putting in my way?



did anyone else ever, ever have these types of thoughts at this point in their journey. i thought i was so sure of myself and now this? maybe i'm not as ready as i thought i was?

i can't talk about this to my parents or brother because they will get that attitude about just one more thing i didn't follow through with, one more failure in my life?

[fr1endly2]

YES its normal to flip flop and worry and stress.
We all do it pre op! I did. THIS is a personal
decision only you can make. BUT i sort of
moved things thru rapidly and didnt look back

I know for me i was at my witts end. FEARING
death. It was starring at me and scarin me. I really
had fears of dropping dead in the home after running
upstairs to get something. I would be out of breath
and exhausted.....i knew it was time TO be serious
and loose weight before this happened to me.

I wanted to live.
I wanted to be a mom to my kids for many more years
and to do this i KNEW i had to have the surgery and change
my health and my destiny!

NOW almost a year later i have succeeded.
I can run up the stairs 20 times in a row
and not worry of it! ITS awesome
KRYS only you can make this decision.
good luck
(((HUG)))

[Pillows]

You are perfectly normal, or I am perfectly weird along with you. I made a frantic phone call to Jolie... aka NJmom while I was in the admissions waiting room in the hospital the day of surgery asking her if it was worth it and if it was going to be okay. It didn't help that I had a three hour wait in that waiting room way early in the morning.... just go with what feelings are strongest. Can you loose the weight without surgery? I believe that with the progress you have made and the discipline you have shown, you probably could. Is that an option that is easier than going through with the surgery? Neither way is an easy option. They both have their drawbacks and their positives. I have found that God has a way of showing us the path to take and then helping us along the way of that path. Good luck with your decision and I really do think that you will find peace about your decision one way or another.
Janae

[DocSanae]

freebird, until you get your date, probably right until the moment you on the table, I suppose you'll have your ups and downs from time to time.
Just a few hard facts for you to consider. This is from the chapter on the subject of obesity in a recent medical textbook. With a well supervised and structured diet (that includes exercise) the average weight loss is around 9-10% of your original weight, with about 60-80% maintenance of weightloss a year later. However, data suggests almost 100% relapse after 3-5 years. With medication, one regains weight after going off it, and most drs are uncomfortable about continuing medication soley for the purpose of weightloss for an indefinite length of time.

You have been the route of non-op weight loss before, so I can understand your questioning yourself at this stage whether you really should choose surgery. It isn't just your will power that makes your non-op weightloss successful, there are physiological factors (physical and chemical functional factors) involved which have to gain a new balance in order to keep the weight off, and keep your hunger away, and this takes a long time, even about as long as you have been overweight/obese up to now. To keep your will power there for that long is a tough task even for the most strong-willed, and there's also the question of will your body last until you attain the desirable weight for health, or will time run out for you before you get there?

Remember that so far, surgery seems to have the greatest success rate regarding long term weight loss. Besides, for you, is the 10% loss enough for regaining and maintaining your health?
Remember also that your behavior pattern change is absolutely necessary for the success of your surgery, so whether you work to lose your weight with the help of the surgery or without, that change is mandatory.

WLS is a tool to buy you time to realign yourself and your lifestyle, it is by no means the end, it is the beginning. As you know, and as all other post-ops know, this is not the easy way out, this is a tool to commit you willy nilly to your weightloss journey.

The choice is yours to make, and yours only to make, and no one should interfere with your decision making.

Hope you will feel at ease and at peace with yourself on whatever you decide to do, don't be discouraged with all the obstacles that seem to come up at this stage, if the surgery is for you, it is surely going to come about.

((((((HUGS))))))

[freebird]

Thank you guys so much for the info, i have to tell you that when i got up this morning instead of looking for my cereal and banana for breakfast i was reaching for my protien shake without even thinking about it, and it made me realize that i can do this for some reason i feel really confident about the surgery this morning,

i choose this option because the dr. said i would be dead before i was 60 if i didn't do something immediatly. i can't walk up and down a flight of stairs without being out of breath, walk down the hallway of my building, even just walking from my back door to the car and i am out of breath and my back hurts. i want to live, i don't want to just live i want to be a part of life again, i want to enjoy and experience every moment that i have left in this world and hopefully that will be a long time. i know this surgery is just a tool but i also feel that if i try to lose the weight one more time on my own i will end up giving up. right about the medication dr, i kinda figured once i went off of it i would gain the weight back, i already went that route once and gained it back plus. i have changed my eating habits, i have been trying to excercise at least 10min once a day, and i have been thinking differently about food, i don't immediatly turn to food for boredom or upsets as i used to. with all of this combined with the surgery i am sure i will succeed,

i guess i was just having a bad couple of days, it's good to know i'm not the only one questioning this a little, let's hope it doesn't happen to often, i'll just picture myself skinny when i can't sleep at night instead of letting my brain wander wherever it wants

Thanks for helping me out with this momentary lapse in confidence your support , advice and info is soooooo much appreciated i can't even begin to tell you.

[fr1endly2]

((((HUG)))))
its gonna be a battle in your
mind all the way till you reach
the other side.

THATS so good how your makeing
great eating habits. I think its good
that your doing this now so that the
loss of food isnt as great when your
first home from surgery. FOR me my
surgeon required 10 percent of weight
to be lost pre op and i truley believe
it helped me start that loss of food
before surgery and the blow wasnt
as huge at that time.
(((HUG)))
and ur so normal krys!

[LittleLisaMarie]

Hi Free. I agree with what everyone else has said to you. This is a battle. It has its up and it has its downs. Even post op if you decide to go through with the surgery you will deal with emotions you have really never dealt with. You will second guess yourself when you first come out of surgery ( what did i do to myself) you will second guess yourself when you hit your first stall( this isnt working why did i do this to myself) Then when you have your first emotional break and feel the urge to eat to comfort yourself ( i need that chocolate cake hubby is being a jerk) lol. The rest of your life you will second guess yourself, but even if you do decide you dont want the surgery, every time your body aches, or you fail at another diet(not saying you will but with our track records......) you will say (why didnt i just get the surgery) Life is full of these battles within ourselves. You have to do what i right for you. You are the only one who knows if you are ready for this surgery. IT is a huge change in our lives. It has its risks and it def has its benefits. I flip floped with this decision for years before i finally took the steps needed to go for it. I started my journey in 2000 when i had my very first consult. I just had my surgery halloween 2005. I wanted it, then i didnt, i was sure then i wasnt. I did my homework as i know you have you are very educated on this surgery i know from all your posts. Just sit back relax and you will know what to do when it is time. Hugs and we are here for you no matter what your decision. Just know its normal to not be sure at this point in the game. Its scary!
Hang in there.

[freebird]

again thank you so much it is such a relief to know this is normal, i knew there would be alot of emotional issues after the surgery but didn't expect it before. guess it's a good thing i see the psychiatrist this week, lol, may be needing him more than i first thought.

i want this surgery, i know i've failed with so many other diets, just had a temporary lapse there,

LM i've been trying to get this surgery for almost 7 years now, 6 years in canada, gave up and now this last year in Rochester. i am so close, this was the first time i've actually questioned my decision,

[Becca]

Yeah! I know the feeling, i'm doing that right now!!!! OH! Boy am i ever.
And yes it PIZZZZZes me off too.
But i'm going to do it, i know i'll be fine. And anyway i have to much to do around here for something to happen, its just not on my chore list LOL!

I have to start drinking that junk Saturday at 2:00pm then take a pill at 6:00pm then same on sunday. Well i feel that 2hr drive will turn into a 3 hr drive LOL Hun i have to stop, pull out hun i got to go back! LOL Wes (hubby) said he was going to ducktape 2 of Camerons dipers on my butt to make the drive LOLOLOLOL! And the sad part is my son Matt, said well Wes we could, and they where looking at the dipers and talking about. AHRRRRR LOL I told them they where LOST!! go away LOL. Wes said he could also get a cork and plug the you know what up LOL! I told him i would blow up by 2 hours there would be no reason to have this surgery i would blow it out my belly botton.

But we are all trying to find ways to have fun with the stress.

Anyway!!! thats us dealing with stress.

[cabbie]

Hi Free, I have spent at least an hour looking for your post on what you are doing pre-op to post to it. I was reading it earlier, got interupted and can't find it again so I will write to you here. I am right where you are with that questioning thing. I did that the other day, then was good with the idea and then my parents keep calling me with things about someone they know who just had it and now reading through all of the posts tonight on the up and down swings and I have to say last night I had so much pain(which I have every night) and thought okay so it is going to be painful for a few weeks but at the rate I am now I will be in pain for the rest of my life. I am glad to hear that all the questioning is normal and I am going back to tell my parents that questioning after is normal too! I am here for you and I am glad that you are on these boards! It has really helped me reading your posts! THank you!
Courtney
Have a tentive date (so they could submit it to insurance) for june 20th so we shall see when the real date is!