[Rachael]

Somebody, please save me from myself. I have been having problems with my supervisor and my manager at work all last week.

He (my manager) is such a cyberbully (all of us in our department work at home - 30 of us - except for the manager and supervisor) and his emails had me crying all week. Yesterday took the cake. I am so hurt, so angry, so frustrated.

My boyfriend keeps telling me to say something to the union. I am talking with HR right now, but I don't want to get all messed up in some union thing - and have him retaliate (though I know that isn't allowed - yeah, right - like it isn't allowed to discriminate against a pregnant person, but who was going to hire me as a nurse when I was 8 months pregnant...ooops, another story, getting way off track here - but you see my point - he is VERY good at veiled threats and insults).

It is to the point that I am literally sick over it - physically ill. I also have a lot of other stress going on with my son.

All of this is enough to:

1) Make me almost ready to quit my job, but I can't do that as I need the insurance for surgery, though I am looking for something within the system hospital system and if not that, still within the state system so I don't have to give up my insurance.

2) Just forget all about this, as my life seems so unstable right now. But then, I'm 51. If it isn't "stable" now, when is it going to be? I'm wondering if I am using this as an excuse.

I have already rescheduled the sleep study test because I just couldn't deal with having to do a schedule change at work, my son has a concert that night, the dog, etc. I will have it as soon as I can after Christmas and on a Friday or Saturday night so it doesn't mess with work.

I am still having that wonderful colonoscopy Wednesday, though I have been tempted to cancel that about a million times too - but I know I should have that regardless of WLS.

I can't quit my job. I just can't. I love the work I do, I just can't stand my manager. I can't give up the thought of WLS because of him - he is already making me sick!!!

Please, somebody, talk some sense into me!

[traciflud]

I feel so bad, I don't know what to say to help, I hope things will get better though. Whenever I have to deal with bullies I just have to tell myself, they want a reaction, and that is what they are hoping for, if I don't give it to them then they have been defeated! People like that are unhappy and can't stand to have the people around them happy, so they try to drag us down with them, but if you just brush it off and keep going, they lost! I hope this helps, I don't know what else I can do!?!

[Kenyar]

very true. i would led it slide, keep the emails etc for documentation purpose. the kicker is, they are paying for your surgery!! LOL! you gotta look at the bright side. my situation is similar: i hate my job and everyone who works there. in fact, i wish the place would burn to the ground, BUT they paid for my bypass IN FULL, and our insurance covers tummy tucks too. what better way to bend them over!?? warped sense of revenge but hey, i do what i can to laugh instead of cry. they arent worth the tears. you should do whatever you need to keep your benefits and persue what you want after recovery. just think when its all said and done you can work elsewhere. my plan is to get all the work i can done on their tab and walk out looking like a supermodel after telling them all to sit and spin!

i am sure everything will work out. the cool thing is you telecommute so you dont have to even see this person. imagine if you all worked in an office together how much worse it would be....chin up.

[msdizzydolores]

Kenya and Traci both said it best. Reap the benefits from this while you can.
Don't react to them. I too am having issues at work and had planned on leaving over our 2 wk Christmas break. Then I finally made up my mind (after three long years of contemplating...but that's for another time and another thread) to get serious about my weight and going through with surgery. Once I made the determination I was going to do this, I decided I would stay just to get my surgery.

And you have to look at it the same way. I wanted to throw my new boss out of the window the other day. But I didn't do it. I have 40 hrs of comp time I have to use before Jan 1. My boss abover her approved it before she was hired the week of Thanksgiving. Yesterday she sent an email to our Enrollment team that it was MANDATORY to attend our 3 days of training, the week I am supposed to be on vacation. I sent her an email. She called me before I left and told me I needed to be there because my training is going to be important for the new 'job' I will be doing after the first of the year.

Yeah, she was brought in to reorganize the place. I'm happy because I've been wanting out of my job for a year...so it made me happy, but I didnt show her how upset I am about not being able to use my 40 hrs.

All I have to say...they better make this one exception to roll over comp time (which is not allowed by our university) or someone is going to get the wrong end of my anger.

My point? Stick it out. Make up in your mind that you have a plan and that nothing, man, beast or whatever will keep you from getting what you deserve.

When you get the emails, laugh. Because your surgery will be on him and your company. Then when you are healthy enough, healed and have lost a major amount of your post surgery weight....give em the peace sign and tell them to kiss off.

I can't wait until I can do that too!

[Rachael]

Thanks, you all. I didn't realize so many other people were unhappy with their jobs. I am so sorry to hear that. I love my job, I just can't stand my supervisor or my manager.

You all are right. I've worked there for 7 years and I'm not leaving until they pay for my surgery - AND school. Another benefit is education and I've decided to take a pharmacy tech program. I would REALLY like to go for speech therapy, but that would take too long and possibly be just too much for me to deal with right now.

But I'm not leaving until I am stunningly beautiful and have a certificate in something that can let me look at them and say eat my dust .

Yeah. They can buy me a new body and a new career. I deserve it after 7 years of this.

Thanks, all of you. Again, I'm so sorry other people are having problems with work too.

And you bet I'm keeping every email. I'm documenting every phone call as well. When I leave, it will all go into my HR file and be sent to the union. But for now, I'll just smile and bend over and take it. I'm not done with them or myself yet. LOL.

Thanks again.

[Rachael]

Originally Posted by Rachael

1)

Just forget all about this, as my life seems so unstable right now...I'm wondering if I am using this as an excuse.

Yes, I might be trying to weasel out of it, but if I put it off, it may end up too late. I learned that lesson from my dad.

He and my stepmom had been wanting to go to Europe for years, but when they had the time, they didn't have the money, when they had the money, they didn't have the time. Finally, he just said to heck with it. There was never going to be a right time unless they decided now was the right time.

They went to Europe and on the last day of their trip, he had a heart attack in Austria. He was kept "alive" for another 2 weeks then died. But he did get to go to Europe - to the last day of their trip.

While I miss him terribly, that was a very valuable lesson for me.

I have to remember that every time I think my life is not stable enough or I get scared and try to put this off.

[MsVickie]

Darlin , Im the last person that needs to help you with this one LOL. I was downsized this past monday from a job I had for 7 years and loved. I said I loved my job not the boss aka owner of the company. You do what you need to do.

[CeeCee]

I had a similar experience at my job. I had worked there for 16 years. I got a new supervisor, who just happened to be a guy that had previously been one of my co-workers. Once this guy came in, my life went to hell.

I lasted for two years under him, but nearly had a nervous breakdown. I tried to involve upper management, but found they didn't want to get involved. HR was no help. They told me to try communicating my feeling to my supervisor. He could car less about felings.

This supervisor completely shredded any bit of self-confidence I had. Although I had always been a very highly rated employee, I was suddenly on probation and even had my raises withheld because of his poor evaluations of my performance.

It was the most horrible 2 years of my life. I went into therapy and even took a LOA because of the stress. Finally I decided that if I was going to continue to work there I was going to be miserable every day. I decided to give up a really great job with good benefits because of this guy.

Now I have a job where I make half of what I used to, but at least I can be happy coming to work. The real kicker is that a year after I quit, the jerk supervisor transferred to another department. Now he is making some other poor souls miserable. Maybe yours will move on soner or later.

Had the insurance been wiling to pay for my surgery, I might have stayed, but in my case, our insurance does not cover any type of WLS.

Good luck. Try to keep your job in perspective. It is only the thing you do to afford to live. It's hard when you are there for 40 hours a week, but if you can do it then it makes it easier to ignore the jerks.

[MsVickie]

Cee Cee you did what you had to do. I see myself in your shoes so much from the post you made. My difference Drs retired and the worst one was then head of the practice. Lilke my hubby says......... I would rather be happy and poor than have money and plain right out miserable.