[Tiffiany]

Okay so I am very pleased with my progress lately. The other day I just stopped and examined myself in the mirror. Then I realized that there was a time when I weighed the same as I do today and I hated myself (my weight) at that time. Then I started to drift to comments that my family has made towards my weight at eve a low of 135 lbs. I found myself very confused at how I feel so great now but 10 years ago I wanted to just take a knife to all the fat.

My oldest is 18 and hardly overweight. My Mother came to town the other weekend and she ranted and raved to my daughter about how great I look in the first 5 min. of seeing my daughter. Then she says "Now we have to do something about your weight. I wanted to jump all over my mom when I heard about this. I lived with comments like that all my life and it did not matter what I weighed at the time. I will not subject my kids to this type of stupidity! My Mom has no idea how much she damaged the relationship with my daughter with that one comment.

GRRRRR to stupidity!

[BreeChick]

I have a good relationship now with my grandmother, especially since the surgery. But growing up ..my god..I wonder if she realizes how much she has contributed to all the women in the family's eating disorders. I protected my kids from her with limited visits, but my cousin who only 2 yrs older than my 18 yr old daughter has so many troubles..and I recognize it as being in such close contact with my grandmother.

She was one of those who counted calories in a little notebook fiercely every single day for all her life. I've had the same thoughts running through my mind about weight numbers. If she knew or my family knew what the NUMBER of my weight was...oh my...but I only share the size of clothing numbers with them.

Her big thing was that a size 12 was THE perfect number to be at..guess what size she was? ;-) It was a joyful thing for me when I surpassed that number and got down to being able to wear an 8 and sometimes 6..

but I'm healthier looking more fit looking at the size I am now..although the weight size..i don't know..I remember being at this weight and not being told I was "hot" etc...and clothing size was a much bigger size than I was wearing then too.

sometimes it's all very confusing.

but wow..years and years of therapy and one day a realization of what power I was giving to that person and allowing them to make me miserable inside..therapy can do wonders!!!

[DocSanae]

Tiffany, so how is your mother weight-wise? You showed us the pics with your kids in Disneyland, neither was remotely overweight, so does your mother measure by all the stick thin, anorexic girls on TV and in the movies? These kids are unhealthy weight-wise, too, on the other end of the scale.
It's important to educate our kids to be aware of healthy eating and harmful foods, but at the same time, it's important to let them understand about overall health, and confidence and self esteem.
You're both doing fine, your kids are doing fine, and that's what's important.

[kitty56]

When something is said towards weight control in a nasty way it stays with a person the rest of your life. One of my grandmothers, when I was 10 years old, told me that I need to stop eating so much, that I just will get fatter and fatter and that I need to go walking more and not always eat. I am telling you did that ever hurt and stays with me to this day. I never said anything against my daughters weight when she started to gain the weight. When she was little her and I tried to eat the right foods and my kids know what are the right foods to eat. But I never harped on any of my kids size or weight, I loved them just how they were. My boys never had a weight problem, but they know what are the healthy foods. My daughter was about 165 when she graduated from high school and her weight went on after she started to have kids. The surgery was a blessing to her and me. My mom never said anything to me or my kids about weight control. My mom is on the heavy side also but when she was young she was a thin person. My other grandmother never said anything about my weight either. She was just happy to see us enjoy her food. I had to make up my mind to get healthy and no one else can do that for you but yourself.

[clancythecamper]

I was raised in an overweight family and we all loved food. I used food for emotional comfort especially as a kid. I was a latch-key kid and not allowed to go out to play so I did homework, watched tv and ate ridiculous amounts of foods (all sugar and carbs) which made me feel better. I continued this well into adulthood and by the time I decided I wanted to be thinner (it was vanity early out) the cycle was so set that it was darn near impossible to break. I havent had therapy, per se, but I'm a very introspective person and over the years I have traveled, so to speak, here. Boy, am I thankful to be here!!!! Tiff, you have really had an ah-ha moment. Congrats for realizing the impact such things have on people. I'm sure you had a great discussion with DD about her convrstn with her grandmother. People just dont have a clue sometimes how important their words are and how it affects people. Bree, you are a smart woman! Letting our kids get to know their relatives is a good thing, but protecting them from unhealthy aspects is just as important!

[Tiffiany]

Thank you for your words of support. My mom is not a thin person. The only time I remember her being thin was when she was doing drugs. She is responding to the way she was raised I am sure. Honestly, I loved my grandmother, but I was so relieved when she passed because her words were like a knife.

It was an interesting conversation with my daughter that night because I had a revelation. I told her that I was not the best person to get advise about this because I took it all my life and never learned how to arm myself emotionally. Then I thought and shared with her that she needed to confront my mom in a respectful manner but firm and confident. She needs to tell her how that made her feel. It may never change my mom; however, it will empower my daughter!

[clancythecamper]

this is what is known as taking something negative and making it into something positive.

[Denise4SanDiego]

I had to listen to the same crap from my mother and at the age of 12 or 13, I wasn't really "overweight", if I was, it was only by 5 pounds or so. It wasn't until puberty hit that it got difficult and then her answer to everything was, "just stop eating". I've even been listening to that from my doctor for the last 12 years, that is until I changed my PCP. Now, I've got a doctor who actually listens and is very supportive.

[beckamarie]

I have a good relationship now with my grandmother, especially since the surgery. But growing up ..my god..I wonder if she realizes how much she has contributed to all the women in the family's eating disorders. I protected my kids from her with limited visits, but my cousin who only 2 yrs older than my 18 yr old daughter has so many troubles..and I recognize it as being in such close contact with my grandmother.

Bree its the exact same with me, I lived with my grandma my whole life, she was never over weight and didnt have to work at it either, when I was 12 and 5ft tall I weighed 125 pounds and she would constantly tell me how fat I was and how I needed to lose weight...now at 142 pounds and only 2 inches taller she keeps telling my Mom I am too skinny....whatever...
I agree that we as parents can NOT allow our parents or anyone for that matter to hurt our kids emotionaly with their stupidity

[BOOTS]

I Guess This Is Why We Ended Up The Way We Did With The Disfunctional Families We Had And The Way They Would Speak To Us About Our Wt. I Can Write A Book About How I Used To Be Spoken To And Treated By My Family Because My Wt Would Always Go Up And Down. Of Course I Wont Write A Book For You Guys Today But I Will Bring Up One Of My Memories. I Remember My Grandfatther Begging Me To Lose Wt And Would Pay My For Every 10lbs That I Would Lose!!!!!!!! And Every Single Time We Would Visit Or Speak On The Phone The 1st Thing Out Of Their Mouth And My Aunt Was About My Weight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It Took Me Many Years To Not Worry What Other People Think Anymore. But Boy Do These Things Stay With You