[bttrflyjudy]

I finally decided that I would get the ry surgery if I qualified, but my husband and I would have to pay at least $2,500 to $3,000 out of pocket. My husband is the breadwinner of this family, and he says if I would quit being so stubborn and get out and walk/excercise along with a diet that I'd lose the weight without surgery, and he won't support me by paying the money for the easy way out. I have tried off and on for all of our married years (30), and all I succeeded in was yo yo-ing and gaining more every time I gave up. I feel young inside, but this body makes me feel so old. What do you do when your spouse don't support you in your decisions, and I don't think there is any changing his mind ~ BJ

[DocSanae]

Awwww
Has he ever met anyone who has had the surgery and is happy about it?
Perhaps, while you are exploring and researching the surgery, you should attend some support meetings, dragging your DH along with you, and let him see what this is all about, and what it means, and it's not the easy way out, it's just about the toughest way.

[SHH]

Hi There.

I agree with Doc............try to get your DH to attend some support group meetings with you. He will get more information there, and see that this is not the easy way out. Additionally, have him read some stories on this board.

My husband said the same thing to me, but I went ahead and had the surgery. I did not have a high copay like you though.

I would stress to him also that he may be paying much more thatn this copay in the futre as the excess weight will just cause more problems later on.

Good luck, and keep us posted, OK? S

[Becca]

Hi, BJ
I just had my surgery may 22nd
And trust me its NOT the easy way out, i was told that.

I have a family member that, told me and he is 31 and 350lbs.

I seen my bill that insurance paid it was $39,000ish.
But i feel its worth it very much.

I went to meeting's for 3 years, here my hubby went to every meeting. I feel i will live longer, after having this done. I'll feel better.

Just a diet and excise sometimes wont get it, we are for some reason storing everything as FAT!

Just ask him if he loves you and if so how much and if he would like to spend the rest of his life with out you. And you feel this is very important, for your health that you would like to live longer, and happier life. Tell him if your happy he will be happy.
Did he tell you REAL reason he dont want you to have this surgery? Is it he is scared he will loose you? Make him tell you.

Do you have to have the money up front? If not then go for it, and then make payments.

Tell him the money he will be saving after this, 1/2 the food, going out you just eat off his plate, you'll be a cheap date! That’s what my husband says anyway!
In the long run you will be saving more than the 1,300.
On food etc.

We went to red lobster Saturday, it was 4 of us.
I picked off Wesley's (hubby) plate
and our bill was like $26.00ish, the kids plate was $8.00 each and then, Wes got this fisherman’s platter it was $11.00ish, now if i would have ordered we would have been looking at over $30.00.

You might not think about it but a little here and a little there adds up.

[fr1endly2]

Well its a hard problem. BUT im thinking its more then the money thats bothering him...perhaps he is worried of something happening to you during the surgery. ALOT of spouses get nervous and worried of looseing
their life partners.

I feel its a small amount of money for the great health you will be in. I also feel he isnt fully aware ...THIS SURGERY IS NOT AN EASY WAY OUT! You will still have to make right choices and changeing in eating to have overall long term success. PERHAPS you can find local support groups
in your area and he should attend with you. I know mine was that much for me having surgery or all supportive but it wasnt his choice. FOR once i was doing something FOR ME! I am a mom of 3 kids and its always about the kids...this was for me. AND now i am a much happier healthy mom and wife being i have energy. I can do more things to be of help around the house. HEY i never mowed the lawn here till now! I have more energy so
im doing more chores then ever so hubby likes that. AT 310 pounds i wasnt rakeing leaves, moving lawns i was sitting in the house hiding useing the kids as my excuse but it was my WEIGHT! IF i did hard phsycial
labor i was out of breath ready to die i felt. NOW im so energized.
PERHAPs you can save some mone for that small out of pocket expense
on your own....and then just do it for you!
JUST a thought
its not easy and its nice to have full support at home.
I dont always get support but he sure does love how I look
and dress now so go figure!
hugzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

[bttrflyjudy]

Thanks Becca and Lisa, I truly think he thinks I can lose the weight if I would stick to a diet and excercise. Maybe I could, but it is soooo hard to stick to. I don't like to excercise just for the purpose of excercising, but like to do things like mowing the lawn, which I do all of our lawnwork (approx 1 acre). I worked in a greenhouse for 17 yrs. doing lots of heavy work and walking, but was never able to lose the weight and keep it off. I am currently not working outside my home. I love being a homemaker/housewife. I am a good housekeeper, maybe not white glove, but what I consider clean. I have had an appendectomy, two cesareans, and a full hysterectomy, so I have had major surgery before, my body has been thru some rough spots. We have some savings, but are planning to pay our house off as soon a possible, and also we are paying our portion of our sons college loans. ( I don't mind, they earned our help, they are great kids). At this point I don't look for Hubby to change his mind, so all I can do is to try again to eat smaller portions, and stay away from the things I know I shouldn't eat. The excercise is my biggest problem. I can't get motivated, but will try. Maybe with your support I will do ok, I will keep you posted...thanks so much for being there for me, ~ BJ

[Pillows]

Hey BJ....as we say in Jersey.....ya wanna I should..."take care of things?".....just kidding. I know that this is a hard thing to not have support in. My husband didn't understand my struggles with weight for most of our married life and it has created many wounds in our marriage. I am glad that he did finally start to realize that it wasn't simply a matter of me not trying and that is when he decided to try to open my mind to the surgery. My best friend, whom you will get to know on here, and I made a pact with each other that we would try one last time to make it through traditional methods and if it didn't work for us that we would check into the surgery option. Well, I never told my husband about that pact and one day I finally broke down and approached the subject with him after a lot of thought and prayer. I told him that I felt like such a failure and that I felt he was dissapointed in me and my not being able to lose the weight and that if I didn't do something drastic, I didn't see myself as surviving in our marriage or life period. I really laid it out there on the line that night and that was when he confessed that he had been praying for a way to approach the topic to me and suggest the surgery. We both did a lot of praying after that night and felt like this was the right avenue for us to go down. I will tell you right now that this is not the easy way out. The easy way out is to continue your bad eating habits, your non active exercise habits and continue to watch life pass you by. This surgery has a lot of complications that can come from it, but there is also a lot of joy that it can bring. It can be quite the bit of a crapshoot either way and should not be done without studying and prayer in my opinion. However that being said....if you really think that you are to the point where you want the surgery and need it in your life, then I suggest to you what the others have. Try to involve him as much as possible. Reaffirm to him how much you love and value him in your life and that you simply want to be able to be around for him and better able to live life together. Try to reassure him that his support in this is invaluable and would mean so much to you. Then if that doesn't work...do what is best for you and pray that the rest will work itself out. I know that this sounds difficult...and it is, but sometimes the men in our life just need to see that we are dedicated to something full bore before they will get behind us in it. At least that has pretty much been my experience...and Michelle before you say it....yes I know....I need to apply my own advice in another certain area...sheesh lady....cut me some slack it is summer break for crying out loud...lol. One life altering change at a time. Best of luck BJ...and as far as the exercise goes...you may learn to love it. I now love going to the gym to work out now that I am more capable of doing things without injury. You may be pleasantly surprised too.
Janae

[bttrflyjudy]

Thanks Pillows, Since I don't think it will be possible for me to have surgery at this point, I've decided to go at this seriuosly, eating right in smaller portions, and I have to get more excercise. I live in the country and I have no excuses for not at least walking. I talked to a friend of mine who wants me to join weight watchers with her over the winter months (Summer gets a little hectic), so that is my plan for now. If I can get into the habit of walking, then maybe Hubby will let me buy a Gazzel excerciser to use when winter comes. I have to take this one day at a time, and hope for the best. I will post now and then to let you know how I'm doing. Wish me luck ~ BJ

[Pillows]

Good luck with your new exercise program. I hope that it will work out for you. I know that it is hard to stick with. I really do hope that you keep checking in with us from time to time and that our numbers grow in members that are trying the non-surgical route so that you can all support each other. Not everyone can have this surgery, nor is it right for every person and support is a big thing that will help to determine your success long term. Best of wishes sweetie.
Janae

[DocSanae]

BJ, Heidi on this board went non-op, and she has wonderful input and is a great support. I suggest you check out all her posts, and maybe contact her through PM.

Good luck and may your journey go well.