[OMCV]

DH said today he loves me the way I am. But I don't, I know he is worried. Anyways he said he would support me with whatever I wanted. I'm scared too, of not being here for him & the girls either way. How did you & your spouse deal with the fears of surgery?

[Kenyar]

i dont have a spouse so it was a sensative subject for me as a single mom. i worte a letter or intent in the event something happend. and i had things in order. there is a definite fear or the "what ifs" but you just have to secure in the fact that you will be ok. you will wake up and and from there, take the steps to be there with them even longer.

[mlg78]

Many bariatric programs suggest that the spouses/significant others of patients seek therapy of their own as well as together because it can be a difficult journey for BOTH parties involved. I'm glad I did this when I was single for that very reason.

At the end of the day, however, you have the greatest man a girl could ever ask for...someone who loves you for WHO you are, not WHAT you are.

[beckamarie]

Well I had health issues and because my dad died at 39 from some of the same health issues I had my dh didnt have an isue with the risk because as it was I was only playing with death because I was 35 years old only 4 yrs younger then my dad when he died from High BP...This was in 1992 so not too long ago. But we did talk alot about the pros and cons of the surgery

[lvmyboys]

My spouse never said anything about my weight. When I mentioned that I wanted to have WLS he was supportive because he knew I was not happy. I am sure he was nervous and scared...so was I. I broke down a few times a few days prior up until the day of surgery because I was so nervous...but here I am 69lbs lighter in just a few months and feeling MUCH better!!!

[OMCV]

Thank you ladies!!!

[kbfrmaz]

My hubby loved me just fine bigger- but did worry as I started having more health issues. Even though we were scared, I knew that having the surgery would keep me around to keep on loving my man as well as my 2 (at the time) and 5 year old. (14 years married this week!) Now that I am getting smaller he is just amazed- and getting friskier- I thought he was loving before, but I think it's even better now! LOL

You have to make the best choice for you. But, the dangers of obesity were enough to make my decision.

[greensgirl19]

After my surgery I was in my room, my cell phone rang (I forward my house calls to the cell) and it was my hubby. You know what his first words were? 'You're alive!'. And he said it so seriously and sounded relieved like he really thought I wouldn't be! And then about a month ago he told me, out of nowhere, that he would have continued to be in love with me and attracted to me even if I never lost a pound. So sweet! He just knew how unhappy and unhealthy I was and he wants me to be around for a long time after he comes home.

[clancythecamper]

My DH wanted me to lose weight forever so he was very happy about the surgery decision and that even made it easier for me to not waffle on my decision. In the end, though, it was my decision ~ his opinion was def secondary. As to the fear aspect, we all go through that I think, and the "what if's" will drive you nuts ~ LOL, see how many of us are nuts on here???

Pre-op I was on deathwatch all the time. I was so unhealthy I would actually wonder if I was having a heart attack on a regular basis. Sometimes I would go so far as to shower, shave and shampoo just in case....... Needless to say, today is totally different. My BP preop was 135/95 with 2 meds. At my ck up last week it was 94/60. I dont have the anxiety about my health anymore either, which I now suspect was my primary problem with the "am I having a heart attack" thing. For me, the surgery was def a "go" ~ once I had the ok, I was ready. Please note, however, that I checked into the surgery for, like, 6 years before I got to the "ready" part and actually went to see the surgeon. When you make peace with it in your head, you're ready.

[LittleLisaMarie]

Hello!
One important thing to remember with wls is that if you have a rocky relationship going into this journey there is a good chance that once you gain your self esteem, start feeling better about yourself and wake up things might get harder...

If however you have a strong relationship, and you go in this together knowing its going to be a major change for the whole family, and hubby understands that then it will make things even better in many aspects.

I am a big advocate for therapy either way. Its going to be a change and for many and espically men change can be difficult. Educate him, include him in everything about the surgery and make it a team effort and the outcome will be that much better. Best of luck and keep us posted...