[mlg78]

During the days following having surgery did any of you begin to question friendships that you previously thought were good and strong? I really have heard from so few friends since my surgery and when I've reached out to some, they haven't even asked how I was doing. I feel quite crushed because I wanted to really lean on friends to help get me motivated and get moving (walking around the mall, hiking in the metroparks, etc.) but it seems like many have faded into the shadows.

Did you guys experience anything like that? Or have your true friends shown through during this difficult time? Thank you!

[CeeCee]

Many of my friends have seemed to disappear since surgery. I have a group of frriends from my previous job that I would get together with a couple times a month since we quit working together.

Since my surgery in October, I have met with them exactly 3 times. When we do get together, they don't mention a thing about my weight loss. We used to all be overweight together, but I don't know if it is jealousy or what, but they don't seem to want to be friends now.

It makes me feel really sad because I have been friends with some of these people for over 15 years. I wish I had someone close to me to share this with, but as far as friends go, they are AWOL.

Thanks heavens for my daughters. They have been very supportive and sweet.

[lvmyboys]

I have not experienced this yet. I only have like 3 really close friends and they came to the hospital to visit me. I did not tell anyone else. Maybe your friends do not realize how invasive or major the surgery was that you just went through. They may feel odd brining it up because it is a weight issue. Sometimes it is difficult to address. What I can say I have gone through is that nobody really says they notice the weightloss. I have lost 70lbs...how can somebody not notice it??? Well...my mom and husband are really the only people that tell me how good I look. I think everyone else know I had surgery and weightloss is expected so there for they think I am not working hard to lose and complements are not warranted. Thats all I can think of. I try not to let it bother me. I am starting to really see a difference and my husband can't stop telling me how beautiful I am. Thats really all that matters to me.

[mlg78]

This isn't a weight issue for me, I'm sure...as I'm the largest of the bunch. It's really disheartening because I know how I would be towards them if they had a serioius surgery. I'm just too kind-hearted of a person to ignore someone when they're going through something like this.

The last time I had a true test of friendship was 10 years ago when I lost my dad to cancer but I fear this will be another one...

[kitty56]

I do not know what to say about lots of friends. I have a few friends that live pretty far away from us, so we get in contact by e-mail or phone, and they are so happy for me that I have lost all this weight and they also know how I stuggled to get the weight off with no sucess. But I have one true friend that is there for me no matter what. She calls me or vise versa about 3 to 4 times a week. But when I first had my surgery she would call me every night to see how I am doing and when we would get to town we would stop in at her house to visit, and she would always compliment me on my weight loss and how good I looked. She saw first hand how I struggled to lose weight. She is just so happy for me and there is not an ounce of jelously in her towards me. We have been friends for over 30 years and we have been threw alot together and like we always say to eachother we will be friends forever. Otherwise it is my family who also have been my huge support and they all are so tickled pink about my weight loss. They have seen me almost all my life so heavy and struggling to loss. I lost alot of weight right after high school and when I moved away from home and I got down to 145 pounds and I felt so good. But when I got married I was up to about 160 pounds or so and everytime I got pregnant it just kept going on and on and after the last child I had, I weighted right around 270, after that I gained all that weight up to 384 at one point and when I had to lose weight for the surgery my weight started at 373 pounds and was miserible. So now when they see me now they are all so happy for me. I have more trouble with my husbands side of the family that do not even come and compliment me on my weight loss. But there are a few that came and complimented me and gave me a big hug that I lost all that weight and are happy for me, and a few that just walk away and have nothing to say to me. But I do not let that bother me at all becasue I have more than enough relatives and my best friend that keep me going.

[MsVickie]

When it comes to somthing like this, death, etc....... You will find out who really cares about you. I think its sad it takes somthing of this magnatude to figure it out.

[qt82699]

i have not had this happen to me yet, i am still close to everyone i was b4 hand, although i did have a friend of mine tell me im snobby...lol yet he still calls me everyday, cant figure that one out

[upullen]

Hello, It has been a year since I lost my best friend. Well, I thought that she was my best friend. Well one of the things she said to me is that she like me better when I was her fat friend. That response really hurt me. We have been friends since 1989. I was devastated when our friendship ended. Today, my heart still aches a bit, but I do not dwell on it. I have to move on, and stick with my supportive friends. Thanks for listening.

[judijo]

I have exactly 5 friends, one of them being the husband. There were a couple issues post op, but I don't hang with any of them on a regular basis so our visits are few and distance cured most of the issues, like the one friend having stomach stapling 20 years ago that ended up failing.

I guess I am lucky this way. I think about going out and finding friends, like my coworker talks about having neighbors as friends, and friends in dancersize class, and friends in the quilt shop. I just really have no desire to find friends.

I thought I had friends from my relationships in my religious group, but when I left the congregation for unrelated reasons, I only heard regularly from one of them, and she is now my only friend who lives nearby.

[clancythecamper]

This may have started as an old post but the problems seems to nag at us days, weeks and months out~~~

I had one "friend" that I'd known and even been kinda close to since 1986 that pretty much dropped off the face of the earth and hasn't seen me but once since surgery. I don't understand people, but I just keep being me and let the cards fall where they may.

One thing that has happened; has changed me dramatically; is that I just try to enjoy life now and in respect to this subject, I try to enjoy meeting and getting to know people, finding them interesting and trying not to judge them. If I suddenly dropped off this board, I seriously doubt any of you would try to reach me to see where I went, yet I find it comforting that you all are here and that we care about eachother in this venue.

Last, but not least, remember ~ everyone makes us happy! some by coming, others by going!