[jazzine]

Hi,

I am going thru some craziness at home with my hubby. Lately he has been acting kind of weird. He calls me on my cell a lot when I am not home, he wants to know who is calling me or who am I speaking to on the phone and he constantly tries to see my reaction when guys look at me. When I get back from going out with my friends he wants to know every detail of my evening from who I met to who I spoke to and how many guys hit on me. Since we first met 5 yrs ago he always told me he wasn't a jealous person and he never acted jealous with me when I was heavy and now I don't know how to deal with it. It gets me annoyed all the questions and the constant wanting to know who is texting or calling me and even trying to look thru my cell phone. I have always had male friends and he knows most of them but now since I have lost weight he thinks they are all interested in me.
I know I read somewhere the men our lives would change or become a little jealous or insecure once we lost weight but I never really expected this from him. When I asked him about it he told me that now I provoke men with the way I look and dress. Anyone experiencing something similar??

[Trulykath]

WOW...your new avatar pic is HOT!!!! No wonder he's insecure!!!

I haven't experienced this....and I can only suggest that you assure him where your heart is....hopefully, he will come to terms with the NEW YOU and be confident in your relationship.....I hear this is VERY common though...

[DocSanae]

One Q. No need to answer on board, though, just something for you to mull over.
How was your relationship pre-op? If it was on solid ground, you may hit some rocky moments, but with good heart to heart talk and reassurance, things should stabilize given time. If it was on somewhat rocky grounds pre op, the changes that surgery brings about can break enough things, that the final answer is parting ways.

Another Q. Is your hubby a large guy or not so? If he's large, then he may be having a hard time wrapping his mind around you getting smaller, so he's expressing it in actions that translated into jealousy, when it actually is his desire to change himself for better health too, as you get healthier. Or, he may feel that he has lost his *eating partner* and is acting out on that.

Patience on your part is probably the key here, stay calm and reassure him as rationally as you can, and give him time to see and realize and accept that though you have changed on the outside, and other people's reactions to you may have changed in some respects because of that, you are still the same person inside, and your love towards him hasn't changed.

(((((((HUGS))))))

[qt82699]

i went thru some of this for awhile, it will get better, just reassure him and time will calm it down once he sees ur not going anywhere, my hubby was really jeolous for awhile, all his friends hit on me and make comments to him like ur gonna be getting a divorce soon..lol anyhow now that my hubby sees i am right here, he likes when men look at me and it is him who is right beside me, good luck!!

[Christy0283]

I think this is pretty common. My husband hasn't really been too bad with the jealousy thing. He just says that he appreciates the fact that other men hit on his wife and he knows that I am going home with him.

[jazzine]

To answer Docs quests. we had a good relationship pre-op & my hubby is average weight for his height. He does like to show off my picture to his friends who haven't seen me in a while. I guess the new attention is new to him. I do hope it only lasts awhile meanwhile I will deal with it until he feel more secure. I will do as you all suggested, reassure him I love him and I am not going anywhere. He loved & married me at my worst, when I was morbidly obese.

[greensgirl19]

Well my hubby has been acting weird too, but I always knew he would! Not one person has hit on me or even looked at me different and he swears they do, just when I'm not looking. He said he doesn't like the idea of any guy looking at me and had been getting more accusitory. Whatever my mood is, he twists it to be me being upset/happy, etc... about some other guy - not life or our son!
I think it's normal. It sucks, but at least we know they're scared to lose us! It just sucks to think of our men as insecure. But like you said, he has been with me through my absolute worst (just as I have been with him through his absolute worst) and I'm not going anywhere!

[Christy0283]

Kelly, you are doing great with the weight loss girl and you look great. I'm sure men ARE hitting on you and you just don't recognize or realize it. Sometimes, we can't believe that men would actually hit on us because we definitely don't see ourselves the way others see us, or at least I don't. I don't see a big difference in myself from the way I looked when I first started this whole process. My husband tells me that's crazy!!!

[Hookemhigg]

I am sure it is nothing but some insecurity on his part, as you said he married you when you were much larger, but then he did not have thoughts that some other guys might be desiring of you even at that weight. He was secure. Now that you are shrinking and he sees that others might find you more attractive etc, it is just his insecurity that now he may not be good enough for you. Just reassure him.

[MsVickie]

I dont have this problem LOL! Honey Im sure your hubby knows you love him. Reassure him of that daily. Tell him what a great fella he is and how much you really do appreciate him. I do this with my own hubby. I do this because I really do mean it.

I suppose we would wonder our selfs if the shoe was on the other foot acutally. It will resolve it self im sure. Good luck with this. Im so glad I havnt had to deal with this yet.