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06-27-2008, 08:08 AM
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#1 (permalink)
| | Newbie
Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: currently in Park Rapids Minnesota
Posts: 8
Weight Statistics January of 2006 Start Date:
Oct 20, 2006 Surgery Date:
5' 7"
Height:
342 lb Start Weight:
204 lb Current Weight:
175 lb Goal Weight:
138 lb Weight Loss:
29 lb Lb Left to Lose:
40.350877193 % % Lost:
Body Mass Index53.5589218089 BMI Start:
31.9474270439 BMI Current:
27.4058810425 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
 |  depressed and separated
I have been going through some major changes in my life. I have just separated from my husband and am having a difficult time with it. It was my choice but I don't like to see him hurting. I am having trouble explaining how the surgery has changed me. I know it is not the actual weight loss that is the cause of the separation, I was having doubts about the marriage for several years. Being obese all of my life I learned how to hold feelings inside of me rather than expressing myself in fears of being laughed at or unaccepted (even with my husband). I have gained a new confidence in myself and am starting to express myself differently. How do I explain this change to people who are having a hard time understanding? Any suggestions? I want to move forward in my life and I feel that I have to move forward. I know the separation in hurting a lot of people and I do not like that but I have decided I need to do what makes me happy. My husband and step children say that that is not right that I am exchanging my happiness for their's. I just don't know how to explain things and maybe I will never be able to. Can anyone suggest anything?
mkmax
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06-27-2008, 08:14 AM
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#2 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: North West, NJ
Posts: 2,707
Weight Statistics 1/14/2008 Surgery Date:
5' 10"
Height:
330 lb Start Weight:
235 lb Current Weight:
200 lb Goal Weight:
95 lb Weight Loss:
35 lb Lb Left to Lose:
28.7878787879 % % Lost:
Body Mass Index47.3448979592 BMI Start:
33.7153061224 BMI Current:
28.693877551 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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I can not offer any advice, I would not presume to know what to say. But congratulations on the weight loss - and no matter what, you deserve to be happy and who you want to be. Good luck in your journey
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06-27-2008, 08:23 AM
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#3 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Central Virginia
Posts: 2,952
Weight Statistics 4/30/2007 Start Date:
9/5/07 Surgery Date:
5' 4"
Height:
233 lb Start Weight:
127 lb Current Weight:
125 lb Goal Weight:
106 lb Weight Loss:
2 lb Lb Left to Lose:
45.4935622318 % % Lost:
Body Mass Index39.9899902344 BMI Start:
21.7971191406 BMI Current:
21.4538574219 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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"My husband and step children say that that is not right that I am exchanging my happiness for their's"
When I look at this sentance I get pretty upset. So they think it's OK for you to be miserable as long as they are happy? That sounds pretty selfish and controlling. Perhaps your relationship was abusive all along and you tolerated it because you had so little self confidence but now you are starting to realize that you are a valuable person and don't deserve the way you've been treated? Please seek professional counselling and best of luck. So sorry for all the pain you are going through.
__________________
Highest 233, Lowest 122, Current 127
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06-27-2008, 09:06 AM
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#4 (permalink)
| | Super Moderator
Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Tokyo, Japan
Posts: 24,786
5' 5"
Height:
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Welcome to the board, thank you for joining us.
Congratulations on your wonderful weight loss.
(((((((HUGS)))))))) May your journey go well.
If you yourself aren't happy, you can't make anybody else happy either, no matter how much you love them.
And, to depend on other people to make you happy is wrong, too, that isn't true happiness. In other words, what your husband and stepchildren say to you is wrong--they shouldn't (have no right to) depend on you to make them happy. If someone tells you you have to be a certain way for them to be happy, then, they are controlling you, and and using you for their own means. I know this may sound harsh to you, but it's the truth.
Happiness is only where you decide to be, and happy is is happy does.
Yes, I agree with not quite Barbie, it's probably best for you to seek professional counseling, and not puzzle it out on your own.
Sorry for the upheaval that's going on in your life, but never forget, you deserve the best, so don't trade in for anything less.
((((((HUGS))))))
Last edited by DocSanae; 06-27-2008 at 09:15 AM.
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06-27-2008, 09:09 AM
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#5 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: North Texas
Posts: 5,236
Weight Statistics I've lost/gained my whole life!!! Start Date:
Aug 1, 2007 Surgery Date:
5' 8"
Height:
280 lb Start Weight:
154 lb Current Weight:
150 lb Goal Weight:
126 lb Weight Loss:
4 lb Lb Left to Lose:
45 % % Lost:
Summer 2008 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index42.5692041522 BMI Start:
23.4130622837 BMI Current:
22.8049307958 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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at some point, you have to look out for yourself. When my first hubby & I seperated, the kids blamed me...told me "you made daddy leave." Now that they are older, they understand WHY it never could have worked. The guilt your family is using will pass. It's an extension of their hurt, but you have to look beyond it and find your true happiness.
I truly hate that you are going through this....it's horrible for anyone, even if it's to move on to better things......keep your chin up and stay strong.....
TAKE CARE OF YOU!!!
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06-27-2008, 12:38 PM
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#6 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: May 2007 Location: minnesota
Posts: 5,595
Weight Statistics july 21, 2007 Start Date:
august 17, 2007 Surgery Date:
5' 6"
Height:
339 lb Start Weight:
177 lb Current Weight:
160 lb Goal Weight:
162 lb Weight Loss:
17 lb Lb Left to Lose:
47.7876106195 % % Lost:
Body Mass Index54.7100550964 BMI Start:
28.5654269972 BMI Current:
25.8218549128 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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i know exactly how you are feeling, i am truly not happy with my situation as well and have not been for years, i have always just dealt with it because i didnt feel good about myself, now that i do i am on a quest to find some true happiness, it is hard and at times i still feel like just sticking it out so everyone els is happy, but i know i cant, why should my happiness by sacrificed for everyone els? life is too short to be unhappy, take care of you and find what makes u happy, i hope i can work towards my own advice as well, good luck and know we are here for you if u ever need an ear!!
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06-27-2008, 01:58 PM
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#7 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Alabama
Posts: 4,019
Weight Statistics 9/28/07 Start Date:
9/28/07 Surgery Date:
5' 6"
Height:
279 lb Start Weight:
186 lb Current Weight:
175 lb Goal Weight:
93 lb Weight Loss:
11 lb Lb Left to Lose:
33.3333333333 % % Lost:
18 months Goal Date:
Body Mass Index45.0268595041 BMI Start:
30.0179063361 BMI Current:
28.2426538108 BMI Goal:
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I know that you can't sacrifice your happiness for someone else's and you don't deserve that. We are here for you and good luck with your decision, no matter what you decide.
You have done great on your weight loss!!!
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06-27-2008, 05:43 PM
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#8 (permalink)
| | Newbie
Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: currently in Park Rapids Minnesota
Posts: 8
Weight Statistics January of 2006 Start Date:
Oct 20, 2006 Surgery Date:
5' 7"
Height:
342 lb Start Weight:
204 lb Current Weight:
175 lb Goal Weight:
138 lb Weight Loss:
29 lb Lb Left to Lose:
40.350877193 % % Lost:
Body Mass Index53.5589218089 BMI Start:
31.9474270439 BMI Current:
27.4058810425 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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Thanks for the reply. My situation is maybe odd. My husband has never been abusive to me, he has been the kindest man. I think that because I had a low self esteem when we met that maybe what I thought was love really wasn't. I care about him deeply and still love him but not in a way that can sustain a marriage. He doesn't understand how I can care about him and love him but hurt him so much. He does have some habits that I can't stand and everytime I tried to talk to him about them he would come up with excuses. I finally quit talking to him about them because I knew all i would get is an excuse. I have never been a good communicator and I know that is a lot of my problem. I know that I will have to work hard on that if I am ever going to have another relationship. How do I tell him that maybe I haven't been "in love" with him for a long time. Am I a bad person for doing this to him? Shouldn't I have the right to try to be happy?
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06-27-2008, 05:46 PM
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#9 (permalink)
| | Newbie
Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: currently in Park Rapids Minnesota
Posts: 8
Weight Statistics January of 2006 Start Date:
Oct 20, 2006 Surgery Date:
5' 7"
Height:
342 lb Start Weight:
204 lb Current Weight:
175 lb Goal Weight:
138 lb Weight Loss:
29 lb Lb Left to Lose:
40.350877193 % % Lost:
Body Mass Index53.5589218089 BMI Start:
31.9474270439 BMI Current:
27.4058810425 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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Is there anyone else going through something similar? Please help. I am seeing a therapist but would like some advice from someone going through something similar.
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06-27-2008, 09:11 PM
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#10 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Floyd County Virginia
Posts: 9,445
Weight Statistics September 19th 2007 Start Date:
September 19th 2007 June 18,2012 Surgery Date:
5' 10"
Height:
363 lb Start Weight:
226 lb Current Weight:
170 lb Goal Weight:
137 lb Weight Loss:
56 lb Lb Left to Lose:
37.741046832 % % Lost:
When I get there again Goal Date:
Body Mass Index52.0793877551 BMI Start:
32.4240816327 BMI Current:
24.3897959184 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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Have you thought about writing you emotions about his down and just keep writing them? Then go back and look. Somtimes its suprises you what you wrote.
I hope you both can move on in life. I have no advice honey.
__________________ Remember Tough times never last Tough people do... This Ribbon is for our Lady Lisa and all the women that fight this ugly disease. RIP Jerry my friend
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