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07-11-2008, 09:51 PM
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#1 (permalink)
| | Newbie
Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: currently in Park Rapids Minnesota
Posts: 8
Weight Statistics January of 2006 Start Date:
Oct 20, 2006 Surgery Date:
5' 7"
Height:
342 lb Start Weight:
204 lb Current Weight:
175 lb Goal Weight:
138 lb Weight Loss:
29 lb Lb Left to Lose:
40.350877193 % % Lost:
Body Mass Index53.5589218089 BMI Start:
31.9474270439 BMI Current:
27.4058810425 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
 |  Me again
Thanks for all of the advice from everyone (depressed and separated/still confused).
My husband and I are seeing a counselor and it has been determined that the counselor wants to see me alone for a couple of visits to sort out what is goin on in my mind. I hope he can help. One of the things I did not mention earlier when I said I didn't want to be married anymore is that the intimate side of our relationship has been lacking all along for the past 10 years. I think that is an important part of a marriage and when that feeling of intimacy is not there it makes it hard. I just don't know if I want to rekindle it with him. Time will tell I guess. I think that everything that has been bothering me for the past 10 years has finally built up enough that I just errupted. he is trying but I don't know what will happen. I am finally able to talk to him a little more about it but it is still hard for me.
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07-11-2008, 09:52 PM
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#2 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: No. Los Angeles County, CA
Posts: 2,849
Weight Statistics 4.29.08 RNY Surgery Date:
5' 8"
Height:
301 lb Start Weight:
168 lb Current Weight:
170 lb Goal Weight:
133 lb Weight Loss:
-2 lb Lb Left to Lose:
44.1860465116 % % Lost:
Body Mass Index45.7618944637 BMI Start:
25.5415224913 BMI Current:
25.8455882353 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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Hugs and Prayers to you! I am sure you will make the right decisions. 
__________________
Judijo 
"Burning out this fuse out here alone" Surgery 4.29.08
11-29-08: Down 90 lbs. Total cholesterol is under 200 for the first time in my adult life!
1.11.09: 100 lbs down! Century Club! WHOO HOO! 
7.10.09 GOL! GOL! GOLGOLGOLGOLGOL! GGGGOOOOLLL!
1.10.10 Still at goal.
2.21.12 up a bit. Back on track, I hope. 
310/176/<164
Starting weight: beginning of nutrition classes, August, 2007 | |
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07-11-2008, 10:41 PM
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#3 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Smiths Station Alabama
Posts: 4,363
Weight Statistics 07/23/2007 Start Date:
July 23, 2007 Surgery Date:
5' 2"
Height:
230 lb Start Weight:
130 lb Current Weight:
125 lb Goal Weight:
100 lb Weight Loss:
5 lb Lb Left to Lose:
43.4782608696 % % Lost:
June 23 2008 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index42.0629552549 BMI Start:
23.7747138398 BMI Current:
22.860301769 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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I am happy to hear y'all ar seeking counseling, even if the marraige doesnt work you need to figure out things for yourself and therapy can help
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07-12-2008, 01:19 AM
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#4 (permalink)
| | Super Moderator
Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Tokyo, Japan
Posts: 24,786
5' 5"
Height:
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I'm glad to hear that you both are working on this, this will help your husband not put all the blame on you, it does take two to make a marriage.
Good luck, I hope you will be able to sort out your thoughts with help and you'll be able to make the right decision for YOU, and that your husband will understand and respect your decision, whatever you decide.
You have a right to be happy, (((((HUGS))))
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07-12-2008, 02:01 AM
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#5 (permalink)
| | Guru In Training
Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Arizona
Posts: 262
Weight Statistics September 25, 2007 Start Date:
September 25, 2007 Surgery Date:
5' 4"
Height:
256 lb Start Weight:
119 lb Current Weight:
135 lb Goal Weight:
137 lb Weight Loss:
-16 lb Lb Left to Lose:
53.515625 % % Lost:
June 2008 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index43.9375 BMI Start:
20.4240722656 BMI Current:
23.1701660156 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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Everything will work out just as it should. Keep plugging away at what is best.
__________________ Tiffiany
Experience Life!
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07-12-2008, 02:34 AM
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#6 (permalink)
| | Big Loser
Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Twin Cities, Minnesota
Posts: 134
Weight Statistics 1999 Start Date:
OPEN RNY 4/6/1999 Lost 150# Surgery Date:
5' 7"
Height:
304 lb Start Weight:
179 lb Current Weight:
178 lb Goal Weight:
125 lb Weight Loss:
1 lb Lb Left to Lose:
41.1184210526 % % Lost:
Already hit my goal of 154lbs No hurry Gained 25 per MD orders @ 2yrs postop MAINTAINING NOW! Goal Date:
Body Mass Index47.6079304968 BMI Start:
28.0323011807 BMI Current:
27.8756961461 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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Ok, you have a good reason to feel the way you do. You have made such a tremendous change in your life, and now want to feel more wanted. After 10 yrs of marriage, it is normal to have lows, especially in the intimacy department.
Counseling for me, was exactly what I needed, it did give me the boost to make the decision easier for me. I had a ex that didn't think there was anything wrong with the marriage. So what we hardly talked anymore. Didn't have the same goals. In a marriage feelings do change, and when its one sided, it is even harder.
Did you know that the marriage survival rate after WLS is tough. There is an even higher % of divorces, especially after a couple years postop. Sometimes we have put up with each other, as we thought that was how it was suppose to be. And both you and your spouse need to be able to discuss the changes in your relationship, and both agree its what is needed.
Ok, I am one of those high statistics I mentioned. And I had been married for 26 yrs.
I never in my mind thought I would get a divorce. It was not an overnight decision, it took years for me to believe in myself, that I deserved more then I was being treated. Marriage takes two to work, and if one is lacking in the working on it, you are doing the best thing by talking to someone about it. Your feelings need to be addressed, and single counseling just might help you work things out together better. Ahh, the intimacy issue.....(secretly, that was a big one for me also), lol, I never felt that anyone would want me anyway when I was obese. You are congratulated on your weight loss success.
I hope that with time, give it time also please, that you and him will make the best decision in your marriage. Remember its for better or worse....lol but who says it has to be worse then better more then not.
Good luck in your counseling, and remember you are not alone, In a previous group I belonged to, I was shocked when I would hear about this person now being single. I would never had guessed that would happen to some of these people. But they have moved on to have happier lives, either with or without their spouse.
Neither are easy answers, sorry I write so much, it just hit me when I read your post, as I have been there.
I see your a fellow Minnesotan also... if you ever want to talk, just write me, I always have time to listen, I may not always understand, but will listen....
__________________  minnesotashopper2 Lori RNY 4/6/1999More photos of WLSjourney-myspace. www.myspace.com/royaltyshopping If you would like to add me to your myspace page, please add a note telling me your from this site. I love new friends! | |
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07-12-2008, 07:19 AM
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#7 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Buffalo, NY
Posts: 2,573
Weight Statistics 12-19-07 Start Date:
1-29-08 Surgery Date:
5' 3"
Height:
286 lb Start Weight:
165 lb Current Weight:
150 lb Goal Weight:
121 lb Weight Loss:
15 lb Lb Left to Lose:
42.3076923077 % % Lost:
eventually Goal Date:
Body Mass Index50.6570924666 BMI Start:
29.2252456538 BMI Current:
26.5684051398 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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I'm glad you are seeking counseling so that when you do make a decision, you will feel you've made the right one. Rash decisions can be regretted. You can't turn back time or take them away and things can never be the same. You may discover intimacy with him and it may be better than you thought it could be, or you can walk away knowing you gave it your all.
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07-17-2008, 11:12 AM
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#8 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: May 2007 Location: minnesota
Posts: 5,595
Weight Statistics july 21, 2007 Start Date:
august 17, 2007 Surgery Date:
5' 6"
Height:
339 lb Start Weight:
177 lb Current Weight:
160 lb Goal Weight:
162 lb Weight Loss:
17 lb Lb Left to Lose:
47.7876106195 % % Lost:
Body Mass Index54.7100550964 BMI Start:
28.5654269972 BMI Current:
25.8218549128 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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hope you are able to find whatever makes you happy, good luck!!
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