[judijo]

I was reading newbie JaniceB's posts and how she mentioned she had not been under 200 lbs since she was 9 years old and it made me think of me, as a child, and my daughter now.

I was a heavy kid, and both my kids were heavy as kids. Grant is now 17 and he slimmed down by the age of 14, through changes in diet and plain old growth spurts. DH says that is how it was for him, too.

Beth, however, seems to be my clone. She is 190 lbs and about 5'4" at 12 years old. The pediatrician is watching her weight, and unfortunately, she (the doc) is watching her weight go up 4 lbs in 6 weeks. Beth has done everything the doc says...hearty breakfast, skimpy dinner, and I have cut cooking "white" foods. I would be remiss to say that her diet is perfect...hardly (neither is mine)...but she recognizes that 100% whole grain is better than white, and the shake can wait for iced tea or diet coke.

She hasn't started her periods yet, and of course she isn't full height yet, but like I told her at the last MD visit, "If you grow into your weight, you will have to be over 6 feet tall!"

Finally, she isn't like I was, in that I was a social pariah...I had very few friends at her age. Beth, however, has many BFFs and weight never seems to be an issue. I have asked her flat out if kids make fun of her because of her size...and she looks at me like I was an alien off the planet Juptomnitor.

Any thoughts?

[greensgirl19]

You know, I was always overweight, but I honestly was never made fun of or alienated in school either. I was actually friends with the cool kids and invited to some parties, although I was never actually part of the 'in-crowd'. I can only remember one comment my whole life. My brother had 2 of his friends over like always since they practically lived at our house for years. On this day me and my brother were arguing and he called me 'fat'. As soon as he did, his friend Christian said, 'dude, I never even see her eat'. And that was it.
I think it's wonderful that your daughter is a social butterfly and that she's trying to make better food choices. We all know that a big part of this 'disease' is genetic. The good news is, is that she has you for support and wonderful options because of western medicine if she chooses later in life. You sound like you're doing everything you can at this point, just keep it up and keep telling her how beautiful she is - because she really is!

[kimtindall]

Well, you are teaching her the right things...that is the most important thing you can do for her. As we all know, the body has a mind of its own and is going to do what it thinks. Just being there to support her and talk candidly as you have done helps more than you will ever know.
I grew up the same way, a big girl while my brother stayed the bean pole until he got out of the navy. And I still would never consider him a "big boy".
Our kids...Katie has been a size zero since birth while Chris seems to struggle with being on the chunky side. Katie doesnt live with us anymore, but Chris tries to follow suit with our new eating habits. I think that it will pay off in the long run as he knows how horrible I felt when I was as big as I was and now it is totally different.

[clancythecamper]

I was a big girl, always the biggest in the class til high school anyway ~ it was a horrible experience, especially in elementary school that no child should have to endure. School wise, nothing but bad memories. Having said that, my DD and DS tend toward chunky. Our ped has worked with us on these issues for a long time, my kids even got the genetic pre-disposition toward high cholestrol, etc so it has been really important to help them understand the link between diet and health. I don't focus on size or weight, but rather health. I even took my guys to our local hospital dietition for a class geared toward lowering chol, trig and even though they were young, it taught them to read labels and understand the correlation better. They don't always follow the rules to a "t" but, they do make decent choices most of the time. DD is following WW protocol right now and is actively exercising 5-6 days a week. Even though she hasn't had a dramatic difference in weight, she is very encouraged because she is feeling better and stronger. Obesity is a malicious foe, your DD is very fortunate you are taking the bull by the horns and she will def benefit from your experience too.

[MsVickie]

I dont know if this is advice or not but I will share with you my childhood.

I was always told by my own mother I was fat overweight, etc. all my life. It tramatazed me and still does. She constantly put me on DIETS. I hate that word with a passion. I mean I would see my mom looking at me and I knew what she was thinking. She was a very overwieght person herself. She told me she didnt want me to endure what she had. And for that reason she was right but the way she went about it was totally wrong! My whole family is on the larger side but just me and my little brother were the ones that was the biggest.

I think it has to be a lifestyle change in the entire family for anything to work. What you prepare and how you do so. I mean we cant be with them all hours of the day but what we feed them at home may carry over to when they are out on there own and making choices. I mean come on what kid is going to go to Mcdonalds and order a salad while there friends are having the GOOD STUFF? LOL

My niece and nephew used to stay with me alot until there Dad got remarried recently. Both are chunky needless to say but........ we never mentioned that to them. We just cooked good stuff for them to eat. And when they would try somthing new and liked it or really talked about what they eat then I come in with YEP its really good for you to. The boy really likes to hear those words. The girl could really care less LOL. This past year she brought up to me that she felt fat. I asked her then why she thought that, she said she couldnt wear jewerly like the girls at school did because it didnt fit right. I found that just listening to her instead of talking at her made a huge difference. She to is a social butterfly. She gets along really well with everyone. The only person that ever has called her fat was her brother. And needless to say it burns hot when he does. That is just kids talking. My own brothers did the same to me. I do think your daughter is at the age now where she will start noticing herself and it will start to bother her some. I just wouldnt help the noticing part and just be there with her when she says something.

My son must have gotten his fathers genes. Hes always been slim and active. However he will tell you he wants to eat the fresh foods we do now and he knows how good it is for him and he feels so much better. He calls it GOOD FOOD. LOL. I dunno honey what the anwser is for you but I will say dont use the word DIET and have that be your thoughts about her 80 percent of the time like it was with my mom.

[DocSanae]

Helping your kids can be difficult. As MsVickie says, hounding the kids about what they eat, and the need to lose weight, can be a two blade sword--it can cut, but it also can harm.

Always keep in mind that this is about health, not looks, and take the direction there. Teach them to eat well, to eat right, not for weight, but for good health.

The best way is, as MsVickie said, is to make the food choice changes a family change--don't cater those fatty foods for your man because he loves 'em, don't give in to your kids junk snacks because they hound you for them, etc etc--cook wholesome foods for the entire family. Make execise family business, go out with the entire family and exercise together--discover some outdoor activity that you all can participate in and provide good exercise. Things like that. At least, that is how it is recommended to pediatricians to do, when dealing with childhood obesity.

Kids will copy their parents. Genetics do come into play, but so does daily life and environment. If your kids have the genes, then, unfortunately, you can't do a thing about that, but you can do quite a lot about daily life and environment, and that can make a huge difference in whether your child stays on the mildly overweight but in good condition health-wise side, or cross the line inadvertently and become morbidly obese and losing their health and the things they could have enjoyed in life.

"Healthy spirit resides in healthy body."　This is one of the wise sayings we have here in regards to health. (Another one that has to do with food is, "80% full" meaning, 80% full is healthy, 100% full is not, though this applies to one who still has his/her original stomach.)

((((HUGS)))) Best of luck.

[LittleLisaMarie]

Very good advice from all ...
I have a 13 year old daughter who is about 5'2 and weighs about 130. I try to teach her daily to read labels and make sure you know what you are putting in your body. I try to emphasize health being the main motivation for eating healthy and exercising. I remind her that the older she gets the harder it is to get weight off so she is mindful of what she eats. For the most part she is good, they whole family eats so much better since i had my surgery. We have eliminated soda from our shopping and that is for the whole family. We watch portion sizes and fill the plates up with more veggies and fruits We buy whole grain breads and pastas and try to limit our eating out. It is not easy but the earlier they learn good habbits the easier it will be for them later in life.

[FinallyFree]

I am the only obese person in my family. My hubby is tall and slim with an athletic build, as is my 18-year-old son. Hubby goes to the gym 5-6 times a week, and my son is a runner. My 17-year-old daughter is 5' 7" and weighs around 120. She runs and joins me at the gym occasionally. Strangely enough, I'm the only one with the bad eating habits. My husband simply won't eat junk food, and my daughter eats fairly healthfully, although she's complained that we no longer have any "good" food in the house (chips, candy, cookies) since the surgery! I tended to cook fairly healthy meals for the family, because I ate garbage all day at work. I tell DD all the time that it's a lot easier to keep the weight off than gain and then try to lose it. I hope that this tool helps me eat like my hubby does.

[momof7]

I know what you're saying. I have a daughter who is 5'5 and about 235lbs, who hides it rather well. It can be hard but I always tell her how pretty she is and she needs to be proud of who she is. She has so much to offer and she needs to focus on the positives. I also have a daughter who is 17, not too big but is starting to put on weight and one who is 9 and somewhat overweight. My 18 year old son is 6'1 and 280 so he could stand to loose also. I try and tell my kids not to focus on their weight (hard to do) Sometimes I think the harder we try the more we fail. I'm hoping that me losing weight and working out will inspire them to do the same. I try not to nag because it will definitely make it worse. Just keep loving your kids and support them, it'll work out. Good luck.

[Imlosinit]

My kids are very young... My son is 2 and my daughter is 3, going on 16 in October. LOL She's very astute and has paid attention to the fact that my eating has changed. She knows that I'm fat. She's discovered this in the last few months and has asked me "Why are you so fat mommy?" I'm always honest with her and told her that Mommy made poor food choices, eating things that weren't healthy and that I didn't excercise." So now she comments at dinner about what's healthy and points out the differences in how we eat. She's at that age where she's picky and will eat no fresh veggies.... so I'm just trying to plug along and cook them and hope she'll someday start eating them. My son is taking his cues from his sister and refusing all the veggies he used to eat. I know it's a stage. My thing is, I still buy the crap for them. The graham crackers, gold fish snacks, poptarts. Along with these I also give them fresh fruits which they like, cheeses, yogurts as snacks. They often ask for the healthier choices so it's a start. I am eliminating the childhood staple of Hot dogs.... when my nutritionist described them as "A stick of Butter on a Bun." I immediately said.. no more hotdogs in this house.

Anyway.... I'm rambling.... I just want to engrain in my kids while they're still so young, what's healthy and what's not. I had a HORRIBLE adolescent life, with constant teasing and not fitting in. Didn't help we moved around a lot. I do NOT want that for my children. I also will never judge them the way my mom did, and still does, judge me. I've probably mentioned this before, but I had the kind of mom that said things like.... "I walk in front of you at the mall because I'm embarrassed to be seen with you." That was when I was 16, 5'4" and weighed around 180. She's called me a beached whale and a walking heart attack. when ever I would visit as an adults, she'd do the whole eyes-starting-at the top of my head and looking down to my feet and back up again with a sigh look. I mentioned that to her before my last visit this past May and she said she did it because she's worried about me. I'm sure she is... but she's so belittling at the same time. I REFUSE to do that to my kids. Right now.. my kids are perfect for their age. Neither one is even the slightest bit pudgy.. but neither was I until I was about 13. I will NEVER EVER put them down or make them feel inferior the way my mom did. I remember how it felt like it was yesterday.

Ok... I'll stop now.... it's just hit a nerve and something I think about a lot because my kids are still so young and I want to stop bad behaviors before they start. I don't want to completely cut my kids off from some fun snacks, but I want them to know there are choices out there that are better and taste just as good so when they're away from home at school, or at friends houses, they can make informed choices.