[dolphinlover]

Help me. I promised promised promised that i would never give my husband crap about how he looks, which I don't. This was his initial fear when I was having this surgery. Last night I went off on him. I have a 16 year old 220 lb beautiful daughter and he's cooking her chicken legs in bacon grease. I was so mad. He said "you said you weren't going to do this". I said "I'm not telling you you need to lose weight or criticizing how you look". His dad has diabetes, this is how he cooked. Since I've had my surgery my daughter has gone down probably 2 sizes, just cause I don't have that food in the house. He bakes her pizza for lunch and pasta for dinner cause he doesn't want to take the time. What can I do. I can't cook dinner all the time. Unless I cook something healthy, he eats bad. Im sad for my daughter, he can go ahead and kill himself for all I care. Help me deal with this.

[kimtindall]

YIKES...wow, that is a tough one! Maybe you can get him to go with you and your daughter to some Nut counseling. I can fully understand what you are saying, I would probably be the same way.
I was fortunate enough to have my husband learn from my new habits (being he is a Missouri boy and has EVERYTHING deep fried and doused with gravy). My boy has actually started to "slim down" and is eating things that are better for him. There are NO MORE Raman noodles allowed in our house, as that is what the kids lived off of for a while and the weight started coming on.
You have to remember too that it is so easy for us that have gone through the WLS, it is second nature now to look at something and say boy that would sure be good, but NO, I will have the apple instead. Stick to your guns though...you are on the right path.

[Christy0283]

wow, this is huge. I'm sure, especially if he was raised that way and that's all he knows, he probably doesn't even realize just how bad and unhealthy he way of cooking/eating is. Maybe have him go with you to some type of support group. Have you attended any support group since having your surgery. There are a lot of informative things discussed there. Good luck and keep us posted.

[tyraine]

WOW!!! I am sorry to hear that you are going through this but maybe you all should go see the NUT. It may help him to understand why you shouldn't eat certain things and what could happen when you continue to do so. If he doesn't want to go with you then just take your daughter. Once she learns what not to do she could be the one to tell her dad that this is not what she wants to eat anymore.

[not quite Barbie]

I don't mean to offend, but isn't it time for the daughter to learn how to cook for herself? Start teaching her proper nutrition and how to prepare these foods. I would think she would be interested in learning since she's already enjoyed losing weight from eating right.

Then if DH still wants the fried chicken legs or pizza he can eat them by himself.

[judijo]

Ok, I will say WOW too.

Yeah, that is a tough one. I am right there with you.

At least your daughter knows what the proper way to eat is (yours) as opposed to the not so good way (his). You have major control of what comes in the house and you making the decision to not have bacon and other fatty baddies will discourage general poor decisions by others. Of course, if DH goes out and buys the stuff, there is nothing (and there SHOULD be nothing) that you can do about it when he does cook the crap. Daughter is almost an adult...it will be her decision to lose more weight. (It is very hard for me to write this, as I was a fat teen and I remember EVERY wrong eating decision I made that could have changed my life.)

It reminds me of when I quit drinking as a religious decision. Ever since, I am very critical of DH's drinking, which is no worse than when I drank.

I have a thread in this forum ("Teaching our children well") about issues I have with my 12 year old girl. Just this AM, DH bribed my DD to hit a bucket of golf balls for a breakfast burrito at the course! And yet yesterday he couldn't understand why she wasn't eating better. I did make a comment about it..but he was more concerned about her being outside and active than the food. I guess. :-/

[greensgirl19]

I agree with everyone that that's a tough one. My spouse isn't home, so I basically make all the decisions. There isn't anything he can do about it. But maybe you can sit down and talk to you husband in a non-threatening manner or non-accusitory manner and just explain to him your fear of her having to deal with what you dealt with. Maybe putting it in that perspective - her having to go through surgery, low seld esteem, the physical limitations, etc.. will help him understand what you're trying to say.

[Christy0283]

Kelly, good way to put it. I think that's a great idea.

[qt82699]

this is a hard one!! for me, my hubby works all evening, 6 days a week, so i do basically all the cooking and have made healthier choices for my kids, my kids are actually starting to enjoy eating healthier..i know i would be pretty mad if hubby was treating it as if it wasnt a problem..i remember what it was like to be overweight as a kid and to have your overweight parents "picking" on you about it, i really wish there was someone there to teach me proper habits, so stick to your guns about this one, you dont want your daughter to have to go thru the things you have!!

[thumper1]

Yes this is a tough topic definately. My DH and oldest son could both use to lose 30 lbs. each. I have the most control over what is bought at the market and my DH has told me not to bring anything "bad" into the house. I have been a well read WLS pt. and my family knows that I mean what I am saying. But they are all grown people and it is all I can do is teach and guide. We do cook healthy at home (most of the time), but my sons are not home often and my DH works all 3 shifts so meals are not regular here and that also creates a prob. even for me I get lazy too. I hope we can help you somewhat with this, take care. Kathy