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07-14-2008, 02:39 PM
| #1 (permalink) |
| WLS Guru Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Sarasota, FL
Posts: 366
Weight Statistics October, 2007 Start Date:
11/26/07 Surgery Date:
5' 7"
Height:
272 lb Start Weight:
165 lb Current Weight:
140 lb Goal Weight:
107 lb Weight Loss:
25 lb Lb Left to Lose:
39.3382352941 % % Lost:
November, 08 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index 42.5965693918 BMI Start:
25.8398306973 BMI Current:
21.924704834 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss Method Roux en Y Gastric Bypass   |  Need to Vent about Hubby
Help me. I promised promised promised that i would never give my husband crap about how he looks, which I don't. This was his initial fear when I was having this surgery. Last night I went off on him. I have a 16 year old 220 lb beautiful daughter and he's cooking her chicken legs in bacon grease. I was so mad. He said "you said you weren't going to do this". I said "I'm not telling you you need to lose weight or criticizing how you look". His dad has diabetes, this is how he cooked. Since I've had my surgery my daughter has gone down probably 2 sizes, just cause I don't have that food in the house. He bakes her pizza for lunch and pasta for dinner cause he doesn't want to take the time. What can I do. I can't cook dinner all the time. Unless I cook something healthy, he eats bad. Im sad for my daughter, he can go ahead and kill himself for all I care. Help me deal with this.
__________________ 80 lbs 6 mos post op  |
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07-14-2008, 03:09 PM
| #2 (permalink) |
| Seasoned Veteran  Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Jacksonville, Florida
Posts: 4,760
Weight Statistics July 21, 2007 Start Date:
August 6, 2007 Surgery Date:
5' 2"
Height:
287 lb Start Weight:
164 lb Current Weight:
140 lb Goal Weight:
123 lb Weight Loss:
24 lb Lb Left to Lose:
42.8571428571 % % Lost:
January 1, 2009 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index 52.4872528616 BMI Start:
29.9927159209 BMI Current:
25.6035379813 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss Method Roux en Y Gastric Bypass  |
YIKES...wow, that is a tough one! Maybe you can get him to go with you and your daughter to some Nut counseling. I can fully understand what you are saying, I would probably be the same way. I was fortunate enough to have my husband learn from my new habits (being he is a Missouri boy and has EVERYTHING deep fried and doused with gravy). My boy has actually started to "slim down" and is eating things that are better for him. There are NO MORE Raman noodles allowed in our house, as that is what the kids lived off of for a while and the weight started coming on. You have to remember too that it is so easy for us that have gone through the WLS, it is second nature now to look at something and say boy that would sure be good, but NO, I will have the apple instead. Stick to your guns though...you are on the right path. Last edited by kimtindall; 07-14-2008 at 04:09 PM.. Reason: typo |
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07-14-2008, 03:14 PM
| #3 (permalink) |
| Seasoned Veteran  Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Alabama
Posts: 3,365
Weight Statistics 9/28/07 Start Date:
9/28/07 Surgery Date:
5' 6"
Height:
279 lb Start Weight:
190 lb Current Weight:
175 lb Goal Weight:
89 lb Weight Loss:
15 lb Lb Left to Lose:
31.8996415771 % % Lost:
18 months Goal Date:
Body Mass Index 45.0268595041 BMI Start:
30.6634527089 BMI Current:
28.2426538108 BMI Goal:
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wow, this is huge. I'm sure, especially if he was raised that way and that's all he knows, he probably doesn't even realize just how bad and unhealthy he way of cooking/eating is. Maybe have him go with you to some type of support group. Have you attended any support group since having your surgery. There are a lot of informative things discussed there. Good luck and keep us posted.
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07-14-2008, 03:15 PM
| #4 (permalink) |
| WLS Guru  Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Maryland
Posts: 494
Weight Statistics 01/03/2007 Start Date:
12/04/2007 Surgery Date:
4' 10"
Height:
246 lb Start Weight:
160 lb Current Weight:
130 lb Goal Weight:
86 lb Weight Loss:
30 lb Lb Left to Lose:
34.9593495935 % % Lost:
08/2008 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index 51.4084423306 BMI Start:
33.4363852556 BMI Current:
27.1670630202 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss Method Roux en Y Gastric Bypass  |
WOW!!! I am sorry to hear that you are going through this but maybe you all should go see the NUT. It may help him to understand why you shouldn't eat certain things and what could happen when you continue to do so. If he doesn't want to go with you then just take your daughter. Once she learns what not to do she could be the one to tell her dad that this is not what she wants to eat anymore.
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07-14-2008, 04:06 PM
| #5 (permalink) |
| WLS Master Guru  Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Central Virginia
Posts: 756
Weight Statistics 4/30/2007 Start Date:
9/5/07 Surgery Date:
5' 4"
Height:
233 lb Start Weight:
130 lb Current Weight:
140 lb Goal Weight:
103 lb Weight Loss:
-10 lb Lb Left to Lose:
44.2060085837 % % Lost:
Nov 2008 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index 39.9899902344 BMI Start:
22.3120117188 BMI Current:
24.0283203125 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss Method Roux en Y Gastric Bypass |
I don't mean to offend, but isn't it time for the daughter to learn how to cook for herself? Start teaching her proper nutrition and how to prepare these foods. I would think she would be interested in learning since she's already enjoyed losing weight from eating right. Then if DH still wants the fried chicken legs or pizza he can eat them by himself. |
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07-14-2008, 04:16 PM
| #6 (permalink) |
| WLS Mentor  Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: No. Los Angeles County, CA
Posts: 1,353
Weight Statistics 4.29.08 RNY Surgery Date:
5' 8"
Height:
301 lb Start Weight:
204 lb Current Weight:
170 lb Goal Weight:
97 lb Weight Loss:
34 lb Lb Left to Lose:
32.2259136213 % % Lost:
Body Mass Index 45.7618944637 BMI Start:
31.0147058824 BMI Current:
25.8455882353 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss Method Roux en Y Gastric Bypass |
Ok, I will say WOW too.  Yeah, that is a tough one. I am right there with you. At least your daughter knows what the proper way to eat is (yours) as opposed to the not so good way (his). You have major control of what comes in the house and you making the decision to not have bacon and other fatty baddies will discourage general poor decisions by others. Of course, if DH goes out and buys the stuff, there is nothing (and there SHOULD be nothing) that you can do about it when he does cook the crap. Daughter is almost an adult...it will be her decision to lose more weight. (It is very hard for me to write this, as I was a fat teen and I remember EVERY wrong eating decision I made that could have changed my life.) It reminds me of when I quit drinking as a religious decision. Ever since, I am very critical of DH's drinking, which is no worse than when I drank. I have a thread in this forum ("Teaching our children well") about issues I have with my 12 year old girl. Just this AM, DH bribed my DD to hit a bucket of golf balls for a breakfast burrito at the course! And yet yesterday he couldn't understand why she wasn't eating better. I did make a comment about it..but he was more concerned about her being outside and active than the food. I guess. :-/
__________________ Judijo  7/2008: I no longer qualify for WLS! BMI <40 with NO co-morbidities!  9/29/08: 5 months post-op and 70 pounds gone forever, babeeee!  11-29-08: 7 months post-op and down 90 lbs. Total cholesterol is under 200 for the first time in my adult life!   Starting weight: beginning of nutrition classes, August, 2007 My blog on my weight loss journey and thoughts that go with it. My MySpace Page. |
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07-14-2008, 05:40 PM
| #7 (permalink) |
| Seasoned Veteran  Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Buffalo, NY
Posts: 2,465
Weight Statistics 12-19-07 Start Date:
1-29-08 Surgery Date:
5' 3"
Height:
286 lb Start Weight:
164 lb Current Weight:
150 lb Goal Weight:
122 lb Weight Loss:
14 lb Lb Left to Lose:
42.6573426573 % % Lost:
eventually Goal Date:
Body Mass Index 50.6570924666 BMI Start:
29.0481229529 BMI Current:
26.5684051398 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss Method Roux en Y Gastric Bypass |
I agree with everyone that that's a tough one. My spouse isn't home, so I basically make all the decisions. There isn't anything he can do about it. But maybe you can sit down and talk to you husband in a non-threatening manner or non-accusitory manner and just explain to him your fear of her having to deal with what you dealt with. Maybe putting it in that perspective - her having to go through surgery, low seld esteem, the physical limitations, etc.. will help him understand what you're trying to say.
__________________ Kelly  5'3"    |
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07-14-2008, 05:43 PM
| #8 (permalink) |
| Seasoned Veteran Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Alabama
Posts: 3,365
Weight Statistics 9/28/07 Start Date:
9/28/07 Surgery Date:
5' 6"
Height:
279 lb Start Weight:
190 lb Current Weight:
175 lb Goal Weight:
89 lb Weight Loss:
15 lb Lb Left to Lose:
31.8996415771 % % Lost:
18 months Goal Date:
Body Mass Index 45.0268595041 BMI Start:
30.6634527089 BMI Current:
28.2426538108 BMI Goal:
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Kelly, good way to put it. I think that's a great idea.
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07-14-2008, 07:10 PM
| #9 (permalink) |
| Seasoned Veteran  Join Date: May 2007 Location: minnesota
Posts: 5,331
Weight Statistics july 21, 2007 Start Date:
august 17, 2007 Surgery Date:
5' 6"
Height:
339 lb Start Weight:
177 lb Current Weight:
160 lb Goal Weight:
162 lb Weight Loss:
17 lb Lb Left to Lose:
47.7876106195 % % Lost:
Body Mass Index 54.7100550964 BMI Start:
28.5654269972 BMI Current:
25.8218549128 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss Method Roux en Y Gastric Bypass |
this is a hard one!! for me, my hubby works all evening, 6 days a week, so i do basically all the cooking and have made healthier choices for my kids, my kids are actually starting to enjoy eating healthier..i know i would be pretty mad if hubby was treating it as if it wasnt a problem..i remember what it was like to be overweight as a kid and to have your overweight parents "picking" on you about it, i really wish there was someone there to teach me proper habits, so stick to your guns about this one, you dont want your daughter to have to go thru the things you have!!
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07-14-2008, 08:23 PM
| #10 (permalink) |
| WLS Mentor  Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: N.Y.
Posts: 1,472
Weight Statistics June 25,2007 Start Date:
June 25,2007 Surgery Date:
5' 7"
Height:
322 lb Start Weight:
189 lb Current Weight:
152 lb Goal Weight:
133 lb Weight Loss:
37 lb Lb Left to Lose:
41.3043478261 % % Lost:
07/2008 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index 50.4268211183 BMI Start:
29.598351526 BMI Current:
23.8039652484 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss Method Roux en Y Gastric Bypass |
Yes this is a tough topic definately. My DH and oldest son could both use to lose 30 lbs. each. I have the most control over what is bought at the market and my DH has told me not to bring anything "bad" into the house. I have been a well read WLS pt. and my family knows that I mean what I am saying. But they are all grown people and it is all I can do is teach and guide. We do cook healthy at home (most of the time), but my sons are not home often and my DH works all 3 shifts so meals are not regular here and that also creates a prob. even for me I get lazy too. I hope we can help you somewhat with this, take care. Kathy
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