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08-31-2008, 05:53 PM
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#1 (permalink)
| | WLS Guru
Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Michigan
Posts: 428
Weight Statistics January 8, 2008 Start Date:
February 21, 2008 Surgery Date:
5' 7"
Height:
253 lb Start Weight:
122 lb Current Weight:
135 lb Goal Weight:
131 lb Weight Loss:
-13 lb Lb Left to Lose:
51.7786561265 % % Lost:
April, 2009 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index39.6210737358 BMI Start:
19.1058142125 BMI Current:
21.1416796614 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
 |  How has your marriage or relationship changes since you've had surgery
Before I had surgery I was reading about how relationships change after surgery. I thought to myself, there is no way my marriage will change or that my spouse would have jealousy issues. Well, WOW was I wrong. I guess because I have changed, our marriage has changed. I really think this needs to be discussed more, because you just don't realize how different of a person you are going to be when its all said and done. And when you start to focus on yourself, you realize things that you've always been willing to overlook or live without.
Anyone else???
__________________ Tami  | 
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08-31-2008, 06:05 PM
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#2 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: N.Y.
Posts: 1,577
Weight Statistics June 25,2007 Start Date:
June 25,2007 Surgery Date:
5' 7"
Height:
322 lb Start Weight:
239 lb Current Weight:
165 lb Goal Weight:
83 lb Weight Loss:
74 lb Lb Left to Lose:
25.7763975155 % % Lost:
07/2008 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index50.4268211183 BMI Start:
37.4286032524 BMI Current:
25.8398306973 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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Right now,I am 1 year out, things seem to be on a ok status. DH doesnt "seem" to have jealousy issues, yet. I was the one with that problem and now I feel better about myself I am a bit more trusting. Hope things go better for you and good thread idea. Kathy
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08-31-2008, 11:09 PM
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#3 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: North Texas
Posts: 5,236
Weight Statistics I've lost/gained my whole life!!! Start Date:
Aug 1, 2007 Surgery Date:
5' 8"
Height:
280 lb Start Weight:
154 lb Current Weight:
150 lb Goal Weight:
126 lb Weight Loss:
4 lb Lb Left to Lose:
45 % % Lost:
Summer 2008 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index42.5692041522 BMI Start:
23.4130622837 BMI Current:
22.8049307958 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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no change....DDH and I were rock solid before...we're rock solid now...he loves that I'm smaller and has no jealous issues at all....he knows I'm healthier and he LOVES that he can pick me up or put his arms around me.....
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09-01-2008, 03:17 AM
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#4 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: AZ
Posts: 2,178
Weight Statistics January 1, 2008 Start Date:
January 11, 2008 Surgery Date:
5' 7"
Height:
339 lb Start Weight:
145 lb Current Weight:
149 lb Goal Weight:
194 lb Weight Loss:
-4 lb Lb Left to Lose:
57.2271386431 % % Lost:
July 4, 2009 FIREWORKS, BABY! Goal Date:
Body Mass Index53.0891067053 BMI Start:
22.7077300067 BMI Current:
23.3341501448 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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I still have 55 pounds to go, but so far all is well. I do think the key is how your marriage was before. My hubby is definitely more flirty and touchy than before- partly since I feel better and I am more responsive, and partly since I look better. Other than that, we had a long strong marriage prior to surgery, so I expect that to stay the same. Everyone is different though- maybe my DH will get a little jealous if some other guy ever hits on me.....now that would be kinda fun! (I have had enough women hit on him, that I can't wait until it goes the other way now and then!)
__________________  KB
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09-01-2008, 07:33 AM
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#5 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Tampa, FL
Posts: 3,605
Weight Statistics July 10, 2007 Surgery Date:
5' 6"
Height:
271 lb Start Weight:
175 lb Current Weight:
182 lb Goal Weight:
96 lb Weight Loss:
-7 lb Lb Left to Lose:
35.4243542435 % % Lost:
Body Mass Index43.7357667585 BMI Start:
28.2426538108 BMI Current:
29.3723599633 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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This is a good idea ~ WLS patients do have a higher divorce rate but I believe ya'll hit it on the head when you said it has a lot to do with the marriage relationship prior to WLS. I think the marriages that deteriorate probably had issues that are magnified post-op; especially for the spouses that were abusive or neglectful. Also, we are 22 years into this relationship and have worked thru a lot of marriage issues previously so who knows how this would have affected us 5, 10, 15 years ago? I also have to say that God's grace has brought me here today ~ couldn't have done it without Him!
Having said that, I found that DH was very caring and attentive when I had my surgery and that, while I am fully recovered, that caring and attention went a long way. Also, his response to my becoming so much smaller has been very positive. It's different now because I don't have quite as much strength as I did pre-op (I've been known to move a queensize soft side waterbed pre-op) Now, I just cant put my wt behind it! It kinda put him in the strength and protector role more so than before and that has also had a positive effect.
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09-01-2008, 08:20 AM
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#6 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: North Dakota
Posts: 3,521
Weight Statistics June 11,2007, lost 36 Lb. before surgery Start Date:
September 10, 2007 Surgery Date:
5' 5"
Height:
373 lb Start Weight:
205 lb Current Weight:
180 lb Goal Weight:
168 lb Weight Loss:
25 lb Lb Left to Lose:
45.0402144772 % % Lost:
2 years Goal Date:
Body Mass Index62.0636686391 BMI Start:
34.1100591716 BMI Current:
29.950295858 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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Our marriage was solid before surgery and still is solid. Our love making is much better since I lost all that weight, much more flexable now. Our marriage is much more enjoyable now that I can do things with him and not stand back and watch. As far as the jelousy issue was just a little bit of jealousy with a saleman who paid more attention to me to help me and then visited with me and that did not settle to well with my hubby and made it known later to me, and I laughed at him so hard of his little jealousy that he has not done it since. It did fell good that he got jealous. As far as our marriage now, it is much more exciting that I can do things now.
__________________  Diana  | |
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09-01-2008, 09:56 AM
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#7 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Jacksonville, Florida
Posts: 5,162
Weight Statistics July 21, 2007 Start Date:
August 6, 2007 Surgery Date:
5' 3"
Height:
287 lb Start Weight:
151 lb Current Weight:
140 lb Goal Weight:
136 lb Weight Loss:
11 lb Lb Left to Lose:
47.3867595819 % % Lost:
January 1, 2009 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index50.8342151675 BMI Start:
26.7455278408 BMI Current:
24.7971781305 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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I agree with what everyone else has said...he was my Best Friend before and still is...maybe even more so since he has been with me through it all. He now has a wife that he walks with pride with (always did), but I didnt have the confidence at all. NOW...oh yes, the confidence is there and that actually makes me MORE attractive to him.
So, yes! It really does depend on how solid and strong your marriage was BEFORE the surgery.
__________________ Kim Tummy Tuck 2-17-09 Breast & Arm Lift 4-22-10 Breast Implants 5-11-11 http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1408442896  | |
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09-01-2008, 10:06 AM
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#8 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: North West, NJ
Posts: 2,706
Weight Statistics 1/14/2008 Surgery Date:
5' 10"
Height:
330 lb Start Weight:
228 lb Current Weight:
180 lb Goal Weight:
102 lb Weight Loss:
48 lb Lb Left to Lose:
30.9090909091 % % Lost:
Summer 09 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index47.3448979592 BMI Start:
32.7110204082 BMI Current:
25.8244897959 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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I am also one of the blessed ones. We had a solid relationship before, best friends, have fun together, trust in each other. I am a very lucky woman, he's my gentle giant. People are constantly commenting on how cute we are or how much in love we are... So again, it does have something to do with how the relationship was before and if there were cracks in the foundation.
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09-01-2008, 11:58 AM
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#9 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: NYC the best place in the world to live!
Posts: 3,453
Weight Statistics Halloween 2005 Start Date:
4' 11"
Height:
212 lb Start Weight:
127 lb Current Weight:
130 lb Goal Weight:
85 lb Weight Loss:
-3 lb Lb Left to Lose:
40.0943396226 % % Lost:
Body Mass Index42.8141338696 BMI Start:
25.6480896294 BMI Current:
26.2539500144 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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Me and Hubby just celebrated our 14th wedding anniversary, January we will be together 21 years. I have to say that with us, hubby was always the jealous type, even when i was much heavier. It did intensify as the weight came off. Things got rocky a few times, as i became more independant he became more frustrated. It took alot of therapy and alot of work and communication to over come alot of our problems. Marriage is work, it is not easy even in the best relationships. As I learned, someone will only treat you the way you allow them to. The only person that can truely make you happy is YOU.....I am a strong advocate for therapy both individual and couples if needed. The journey is differnt for everyone.
__________________ LisaMarie  | |
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09-01-2008, 01:12 PM
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#10 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: May 2007 Location: minnesota
Posts: 5,595
Weight Statistics july 21, 2007 Start Date:
august 17, 2007 Surgery Date:
5' 6"
Height:
339 lb Start Weight:
177 lb Current Weight:
160 lb Goal Weight:
162 lb Weight Loss:
17 lb Lb Left to Lose:
47.7876106195 % % Lost:
Body Mass Index54.7100550964 BMI Start:
28.5654269972 BMI Current:
25.8218549128 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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ok..my turn..lol my relationship has always been about give and take...i have always given and he has always taken..i have always taken care of everything while he sleeps on the couch...the thing that has changed is...i wont put up with his BS anymore cuz i dont have too, i wish i would have figured that out a long time ago, but i didnt feel much for myself and now i do, it is only a matter of time b4 his A** is out the door!!!
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