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10-13-2008, 07:17 PM
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#1 (permalink)
| | Big Loser
Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 184
Weight Statistics 10/15/07 Surgery Date:
4' 11"
Height:
250 lb Start Weight:
140 lb Current Weight:
142 lb Goal Weight:
110 lb Weight Loss:
-2 lb Lb Left to Lose:
44 % % Lost:
10/15/09 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index50.4883654122 BMI Start:
28.2734846309 BMI Current:
28.6773915542 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
 |  Divorce after WLS
I was just wondering if there have been a lot of divorces after WLS? Or does marriages tend to get better?
Personally I think it has to depend on how strong the marriage was in the first place.
My husband says NOTHING about my weight loss. The only time he knows how much I have lost is when someone else asks and he hears my answer.
Am I being selfish? My daughter tells me how happy she is with me now that she can sit on my lap and cuddle. That's my best reward by far.
Take Care,
Jo Ann
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10-13-2008, 07:33 PM
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#2 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: May 2007 Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 3,239
Weight Statistics April 11th 2007 Surgery Date:
5' 4"
Height:
267 lb Start Weight:
142 lb Current Weight:
150 lb Goal Weight:
125 lb Weight Loss:
-8 lb Lb Left to Lose:
46.8164794007 % % Lost:
Body Mass Index45.8254394531 BMI Start:
24.3715820312 BMI Current:
25.7446289062 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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Joann,
I have heard that this happens alot. I think I read it on here. not sure. I heard that it changes people like us for the better but sometimes spouses dont like to see the change in us. They like the old us. Does that make sense?
My husband doesnt always say something but he is or was one of my biggest supporters during this.
Like you said, think of the postive and the commetn your daughter made. That says it all.
Hang in there girl.
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10-13-2008, 07:40 PM
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#3 (permalink)
| | WLS Master Guru
Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Orlando FL
Posts: 997
Weight Statistics 8/7/08 Start Date:
8/20/08 Surgery Date:
6' 1"
Height:
338 lb Start Weight:
188 lb Current Weight:
199 lb Goal Weight:
150 lb Weight Loss:
-11 lb Lb Left to Lose:
44.3786982249 % % Lost:
Happiness is the new goal Goal Date:
Body Mass Index44.5888534434 BMI Start:
24.8009007318 BMI Current:
26.252017264 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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My wife has been supportive but the first few weeks were hard but the she openly told me she is jealous of my weight loss and since then she has shifted her point of view and I have become thoughtful of that and we have been very strong. It has gotten her into working on her weight loss which is something she has done on her own.
__________________
Scott
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10-13-2008, 08:19 PM
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#4 (permalink)
| | Big Loser
Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Hawaii
Posts: 111
Weight Statistics July 14, 2008 Surgery Date:
5' "
Height:
230 lb Start Weight:
111 lb Current Weight:
130 lb Goal Weight:
119 lb Weight Loss:
-19 lb Lb Left to Lose:
51.7391304348 % % Lost:
July 14, 2009 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index44.9138888889 BMI Start:
21.6758333333 BMI Current:
25.3861111111 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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Aloha Jo Ann,
Its a shame that your husband doesn't openly support or show interest. By the looks of the pictures, it is obvious that you've lost a lot. Perhaps, you've gained self confidence and your self esteem has increased...and consequently, your husband may feel insecure with changes. Everyone wants a scape goat for changes...often I find that they blame the weight loss. Keep your head and heart up...your health and family only benefits from your change.
pikokani
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10-13-2008, 08:38 PM
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#5 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: North Texas
Posts: 5,236
Weight Statistics I've lost/gained my whole life!!! Start Date:
Aug 1, 2007 Surgery Date:
5' 8"
Height:
280 lb Start Weight:
154 lb Current Weight:
150 lb Goal Weight:
126 lb Weight Loss:
4 lb Lb Left to Lose:
45 % % Lost:
Summer 2008 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index42.5692041522 BMI Start:
23.4130622837 BMI Current:
22.8049307958 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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I'm so sorry your husband isn't saying anything.....you have done SO much...
Give him this....he may not know what to say....and I've heard that a lot of men get insecure when we change so much. They find comfort in our fat...they figure we won't cheat, we're a given constant, and we aren't going anywhere.
Now that we are "normal", their minds start to see how secure they WERE in our insecurity. We are stronger....more confident...though we haven't changed fundementally, we are different for all we've gone through and in discovering our new skin.
Make yourself happy and take care of you and your children. Hopefully, the other things will work themselves out. Have you told him how you feel about his lack of input? Sometimes, confronting the problem head on is the only way to deal with the issues....just a suggestion!
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10-13-2008, 08:41 PM
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#6 (permalink)
| | WLS Mentor
Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: PA (Near Philly)
Posts: 1,123
Weight Statistics March 12, 2008 Surgery Date:
5' 6"
Height:
340 lb Start Weight:
239 lb Current Weight:
150 lb Goal Weight:
101 lb Weight Loss:
89 lb Lb Left to Lose:
29.7058823529 % % Lost:
Body Mass Index54.8714416896 BMI Start:
38.5713957759 BMI Current:
24.2079889807 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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I am a firm believer in talking things out. If you dont say anything perhaps he doesn't realize you are upset about this. Men dont take hints well they need one on one straight to their face when they are not watching a game or anything else. Think of what you want to say ahead of time and remind him you still love him and you hope this change in you wont change your marrage.
__________________  Pain is only temporary but quitting is forever
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10-13-2008, 09:41 PM
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#7 (permalink)
| | WLS Master Guru
Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Orlando FL
Posts: 997
Weight Statistics 8/7/08 Start Date:
8/20/08 Surgery Date:
6' 1"
Height:
338 lb Start Weight:
188 lb Current Weight:
199 lb Goal Weight:
150 lb Weight Loss:
-11 lb Lb Left to Lose:
44.3786982249 % % Lost:
Happiness is the new goal Goal Date:
Body Mass Index44.5888534434 BMI Start:
24.8009007318 BMI Current:
26.252017264 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LadyLisa  ...Men dont take hints well they need one on one straight to their face when they are not watching a game or anything else. | Very well put.
__________________
Scott
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10-14-2008, 12:31 AM
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#8 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: May 2007 Location: minnesota
Posts: 5,595
Weight Statistics july 21, 2007 Start Date:
august 17, 2007 Surgery Date:
5' 6"
Height:
339 lb Start Weight:
177 lb Current Weight:
160 lb Goal Weight:
162 lb Weight Loss:
17 lb Lb Left to Lose:
47.7876106195 % % Lost:
Body Mass Index54.7100550964 BMI Start:
28.5654269972 BMI Current:
25.8218549128 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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sorry to hear that you are going thru this..according to my surgeon the divorce rate is really high after weightloss surgery..i agree with the others maybe you should just bring it up and see what he has to say about it...he may be somewhat insecure now? with this surgery we become a new person inside and out and it may some time for them to readjust to our changes...good luck to you!!
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10-14-2008, 04:54 AM
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#9 (permalink)
| | Big Loser
Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 184
Weight Statistics 10/15/07 Surgery Date:
4' 11"
Height:
250 lb Start Weight:
140 lb Current Weight:
142 lb Goal Weight:
110 lb Weight Loss:
-2 lb Lb Left to Lose:
44 % % Lost:
10/15/09 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index50.4883654122 BMI Start:
28.2734846309 BMI Current:
28.6773915542 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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Thanks for all the support! I am really trying to be positive, but he won't talk to me. This goes way back...I think the surgery has just added to his inwardness.
You are all great and I appreciate all the feedback. As far as my stress from my other post, I go to my doctor at the end of the month and I may ask for some anti-depressants to get me through this difficult time. I really don't want to be on them, but I may just need them. I will discuss this with my doctor then.
Jo Ann
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10-14-2008, 05:56 AM
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#10 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Buffalo, NY
Posts: 2,573
Weight Statistics 12-19-07 Start Date:
1-29-08 Surgery Date:
5' 3"
Height:
286 lb Start Weight:
165 lb Current Weight:
150 lb Goal Weight:
121 lb Weight Loss:
15 lb Lb Left to Lose:
42.3076923077 % % Lost:
eventually Goal Date:
Body Mass Index50.6570924666 BMI Start:
29.2252456538 BMI Current:
26.5684051398 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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One of the docs at work when he found out I had surgery actually asked me if I was married. I asked why he wanted to know and he said that if I were I should be prepared for divorce because it's the biggest side effect of the surgery. And he said it's usually the spouse of the wls patient that leaves, not the wls patient themselves. I don't know. It seems to me like it depends on the marriage pre-wls. So far things are actually better in my relationship. I'm more confident and feel better and that's all he ever wanted. For me to see me the way he sees me.
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