[Pillows]

Okay, so for almost every aspect my husband is really supportive about my wanting to have the surgery. The only glitch in the scenario is dealing with my choice not to tell his family, but telling everyone in mine and their cats and dogs... See the thing is that I have conflict in my relationship with my mother-in-law and have since day one. I would love to have a great relationship with her someday and for that hope I moved clear across the country to put some space between us. She tends to be very manipulative and controlling with her opinions and I just don't want her to be a part of my decision one way or the other. I think that a big part of our issues are dealing with how she views my weight, and me therefore not being good enough for her son, (she actually told him not to marry me cuz I was too fat at a whopping size 18) and I don't want her to think that her opinion matters in this. That and I am already under enough stress, that I don't want to have to deal with an argument with her on top of it. The downside of course is that even though my husband respects my decision not to tell them, he feels badly that he can't share it with them. I do plan on eventually telling them, but would like to wait until I have some actual results and no existing complications. So am I selfish to keep this from them for the time being, or do you think that you would do the same?
Janae

[CraigT]

I would not worry as much about the selfishness and focus on the dishonesty trail leads to. You truly need to comfortable enough with your decision, that others emotions don't play much of a part.

Keep do what is good for you and you feel like you have God's blessing on.

This was a tough lesson for me but I remember when I first heard:

"What others think about you is none of your business"

This simply means that I need to be the best I can without regard of others opinions. We do the right things because they are the right things to do.

[Pillows]

Okay, so his family was putting so much pressure on him to go to his sister's wedding, that I finally caved in and let him tell them. Sure enough everyone was supportive and wonderful with the exception of dearest mommy. She of course was concerned that I was taking the easy way out and that I should just try to diet and exercise. +It doesn't help that my future Bro in law had the surgery and is spouting that he wishes he would have done it the "hard" way. His issue is with the excess skin, but he was 450 before surgery, so that is more than I am at now, and from his pic it looks like he carried mostly around the waist, where my fat is more equally distributed. I don't know, but even with the skin, I would rather that than continue to be unhealthy any longer. I hope that now that he knows I am going for surgery, he will be a help as far as support and not a hinder, but either way it is like you said Craig, I gotta do what is right. She does not control me or the way I choose to view myself anymore. She has spent way too much of my life doing that already.
Janae

[Pillows]

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, props go out to my hubby for the way he handled her. I heard his side of the conversation and was really impressed with all the information he gave her about the procedure and reasons why this is going to be a good thing. I love that man. It took him awhile to see his mommy for what she does, but now he is my best supporter. I just wanted to share that really quickly.
Janae

[ChuppyGirl]

Janae I know how it feels. Believe me if I tell you I'm keeping it from my MOM!!! yes my mom, she is so much emotional and very anxiously worried about every family member and whenever she's in that mode she puts everybody in tenssion with her..100 phone calls from her day and night..even if I put of the ringer, she comes to my house and start tortuing me with her worries and questions!! I don't need it.
Yes I love mommy dearly but please keep a distance until I finish the surgery. You know ones I told them about it is just my hubby and my 2 sisters and thank God all were supportive athough my hubby was abit hesitant bcoz it's gonna be an open approach not lap! but he finally approved it for the sake of it's objective.
I'm not planning to increase the radius of people who know about the bypass, because I'm afraid if it didn't work I don't wanna look like a loser. It's my last resort!!
My surgery has been scheduled for April 25th. I'd love to have my family around me in the hospital. But they will know that I'm admitted to get my gallbladder removed not for the bypass.
I feel more secure this way.

[fr1endly2]

Just wanted to offer
some (((HUGS)))) thru a hard
time with those kinds of issues

[freebird]

i'm sort of in the opposite boat. i wanted to tell my guys family about the surgery but i don't know them that well and they aren't my family (yet), so i talked to roo about it. he said that it would probably be better not to tell his family because of the negitive attitudes that i would probably get back. this is an ongoing issue for us though because he also doesn't want me to tell them that i have narcolepsy so i can never visit with them for more than 3 or 4 hours at a time because he says they won't understand that i need naps to help prevent seizures. i respect how he feels about this and i'm not close to them (yet), so it only bothers me once in a while. and what bothers me is not how they will think of me but the fact that roo doesn't feel they would understand. i've made this decision and have had some flack about it from people closer to me than his family and that didn't change my mind. i guess he sees the stress and worries i'm going through and doesn't want to add to that. so while i don't care what they would think and it doesn't really matter wether or not they know before because they will sure notice after, i can kind of sympathise. I'm glad your husband finally dealt with his mother on this issue with so much information. and it's great that the others are supportive, to bad about the brother in law especially saying he wish he would have done it the "hard" way. because this is everything BUT easy, maybe if he gets his extra skin removed he'll have a different attitude. What i've learned so far about family and others regarding this decision is that IT IS MY DECISION, so bugger off anybody who's not behind me (yes i even feel this way with my mom, cause while she's getting better at accepting my decision there still are issues),it comes down to this, you have to live for you and not for others. if that means having this surgery because it's better for your health and all the other benefits then (and i know it's not done as easily as it's said but), what no one else says matters. even those you love. i'm glad you told them though because i know that in not telling certain people there is an extra stress added.
remember that you are in control of your life, others can try to influence you but the final decision is yours. good luck

[Pillows]

Thanks freebird. I am glad that I don't have to hide it anymore and can be in the open about it. For the most part my husband has been incredibly supportive. I feel bad for him because my moods have been all over the place lately, but he is dealing well so far and always ready to give me a hug when I need one.
Janae