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01-13-2009, 12:38 PM
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#1 (permalink)
| | WLS Guru
Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Michigan
Posts: 428
Weight Statistics January 8, 2008 Start Date:
February 21, 2008 Surgery Date:
5' 7"
Height:
253 lb Start Weight:
122 lb Current Weight:
135 lb Goal Weight:
131 lb Weight Loss:
-13 lb Lb Left to Lose:
51.7786561265 % % Lost:
April, 2009 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index39.6210737358 BMI Start:
19.1058142125 BMI Current:
21.1416796614 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
 |  Important post from Needanewme's DH
Well, like the title states this is needanewme aka Tami's (HUSBAND). I know this is a support forum and that’s what I want to do, give input and support to help others on this forum make good choices and decisions.
As most of you probably know Tami and I have been married for 15 years and have 4 kids from 2 1/2 - 11. Tami was my first REAL true love in college where we met. The day I met her I committed myself to her 100% and loved her with all my heart for good and bad. Well we have had a very tough marriage, the love and affection in our marriage has been a one way street from me to her and never the other way. She always had stated that she just isn’t a lovie dovie person and that’s not how she is or ever will be. I accepted that and took what I could get when I could get it. And that’s how we lived for nearly 14 years. As her weight gained and all be it so did mine it did not altar my love or desire for her but I think it even withdrew her more from me so when we started talking about the surgery I was all for it thinking it would "fix" our relationship and make her happy with herself and in turn love me like I so desired. After I took care of her for a month after surgery and the weight started to fall off this beautiful butterfly started to emerge from her cocoon, she was spreading her wings, starting to be happy with her self and life, things got pretty good last summer, and yes she was getting noticed allot and hit on allot epically out dancing! And yes I was jealous at times but keep in mind I wasn’t jealous that she would leave or or cheat I was jealous of the fact that she would flirt and show affection to others and she still wouldn't to me. Then she had her Cosmetic surgery, that’s when she turned into the most incredible human bean on the face of the earth, she was so beautiful I couldn't take my eyes off of her. Well she always told me that I was safe and could handle the attention, well she couldn't it over took her and she started a relationship with a man in Nov. cheated with this 2 weeks ago with this man.
I know our marriage was over and she was never going to love me the way I wanted to and deserved to be loved, and we said way back when that we would never cheat but would end it before it came to that so not to hurt each other or the kids, well in my mind this surgery denied me that promise, it allowed her to be consumed by her looks and attention and turn our live inside out upside down. This surgery is for the right people at the right point in their lives, it should not be taken lightly and please remember where you all came from and the ones that loved you before and after and forever and was there when you went through it. Just do me that favor...
Tony
__________________ Tami  | 
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01-13-2009, 12:47 PM
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#2 (permalink)
| | WLS Mentor
Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Atlanta, Ga
Posts: 1,440
Weight Statistics March 12, 2008 Start Date:
December 4, 2008 Surgery Date:
5' 3"
Height:
259 lb Start Weight:
211 lb Current Weight:
150 lb Goal Weight:
48 lb Weight Loss:
61 lb Lb Left to Lose:
18.5328185328 % % Lost:
who knows? Goal Date:
Body Mass Index45.8747795414 BMI Start:
37.3728898967 BMI Current:
26.5684051398 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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Tony.. I'm so sorry for you and Tami. I don't know her but have seen her posts now and again and of course, don't know you. But I wouldn't wish what's going on with you both on anyone. My prayers are with both of you that you both can find peace and contentment down the line. I feel for both of you and for whatever reasons decisions were made. Without hearing from Tami, and I'm not asking her to respond, then we can't know why decisions were made. Just know your family is in my prayers.
__________________ Martha "Your new beginning doesn't begin tomorrow, it begins with your next breath." (Taken from a lecture I heard at my WLS Support group. Why wait Until tomorrow or Monday to start over? Start over with your next breath.) My top 2 reasons for LIFE... Joshua and Jessie.   | |
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01-13-2009, 01:08 PM
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#3 (permalink)
| | WLS Guru
Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Michigan
Posts: 428
Weight Statistics January 8, 2008 Start Date:
February 21, 2008 Surgery Date:
5' 7"
Height:
253 lb Start Weight:
122 lb Current Weight:
135 lb Goal Weight:
131 lb Weight Loss:
-13 lb Lb Left to Lose:
51.7786561265 % % Lost:
April, 2009 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index39.6210737358 BMI Start:
19.1058142125 BMI Current:
21.1416796614 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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Tony is right and I should have sought help for dealing with the physical changes of my body instead of believing I could deal with my feelings, insecurities, struggling marriage and my confusion about who I was. I fully believed I could handle the attention and keep a sense of who I am, the problem is that in the end, I failed to remember too late.
Surgery is not to blame for my failures, not dealing with my emotional changes are to blame for my behavior.
__________________ Tami | |
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01-13-2009, 01:21 PM
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#4 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: May 2007 Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 3,239
Weight Statistics April 11th 2007 Surgery Date:
5' 4"
Height:
267 lb Start Weight:
142 lb Current Weight:
150 lb Goal Weight:
125 lb Weight Loss:
-8 lb Lb Left to Lose:
46.8164794007 % % Lost:
Body Mass Index45.8254394531 BMI Start:
24.3715820312 BMI Current:
25.7446289062 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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Thinking of you both and yes as I always have said the biggest and hardest part of this journey has been the mental side of it all to me.
You are both in my thoughts at this difficulte time.
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01-13-2009, 01:47 PM
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#5 (permalink)
| | WLS Mentor
Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Rochester NY
Posts: 1,003
Weight Statistics 1/13/08 Start Date:
11/17/08 Surgery Date:
5' 4"
Height:
288 lb Start Weight:
165 lb Current Weight:
160 lb Goal Weight:
123 lb Weight Loss:
5 lb Lb Left to Lose:
42.7083333333 % % Lost:
11/2010 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index49.4296875 BMI Start:
28.3190917969 BMI Current:
27.4609375 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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I don't have words for how badly I feel for you both. You're in my prayers. I wish the best for both of you.
__________________ Sarah Lost 15 lbs before surgery
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01-13-2009, 02:12 PM
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#6 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Alabama
Posts: 4,019
Weight Statistics 9/28/07 Start Date:
9/28/07 Surgery Date:
5' 6"
Height:
279 lb Start Weight:
186 lb Current Weight:
175 lb Goal Weight:
93 lb Weight Loss:
11 lb Lb Left to Lose:
33.3333333333 % % Lost:
18 months Goal Date:
Body Mass Index45.0268595041 BMI Start:
30.0179063361 BMI Current:
28.2426538108 BMI Goal:
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I am so sorry your family is going through this. I have also said that the toughest part of this journey is the mental side of it. But.... I do know one thing, it is possible to work through anything if both sides are willing to make it work. Good luck with your decision and I wish you both the best.
__________________ Attached Thumbnails   | |
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01-13-2009, 02:54 PM
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#7 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: North West, NJ
Posts: 2,706
Weight Statistics 1/14/2008 Surgery Date:
5' 10"
Height:
330 lb Start Weight:
228 lb Current Weight:
180 lb Goal Weight:
102 lb Weight Loss:
48 lb Lb Left to Lose:
30.9090909091 % % Lost:
Summer 09 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index47.3448979592 BMI Start:
32.7110204082 BMI Current:
25.8244897959 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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Hey guys - you are both in my thoughts and prayers. Tough situation, right now must be so emotional. So many things I want to say, but it's not my place and you probably don't want advice from 'forum buddies'. But one thing, if there is a chance that you want to work it out, I think you really need someone professional to help and be the person looking in. Good luck!!
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01-13-2009, 02:54 PM
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#8 (permalink)
| | Guru In Training
Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: PA
Posts: 200
Weight Statistics 8/8/08 Start Date:
1/28/2009 Surgery Date:
5' 6"
Height:
276 lb Start Weight:
176 lb Current Weight:
140 lb Goal Weight:
100 lb Weight Loss:
36 lb Lb Left to Lose:
36.231884058 % % Lost:
Jun 2010 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index44.5426997245 BMI Start:
28.404040404 BMI Current:
22.5941230487 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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Sorry you are going through this....However let me say if your marriage is what you both want then work at it.It can work! If not then move on. Life is what you make of it. Been there, done that many many years (17) ago. We choose to move on together. We have been together for 25 1/2 years. If you want it to work out and you both work really hard at making it happen, it can!
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01-13-2009, 03:05 PM
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#9 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Troy,ny
Posts: 2,799
Weight Statistics Since birth:) Start Date:
August 5, 2009 Surgery Date:
5' 6"
Height:
319 lb Start Weight:
189 lb Current Weight:
150 lb Goal Weight:
130 lb Weight Loss:
39 lb Lb Left to Lose:
40.7523510972 % % Lost:
sometime in 2010 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index51.4823232323 BMI Start:
30.5020661157 BMI Current:
24.2079889807 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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My prayers and thoughts are with both of you. This trip is not only physical but very much an emotional/mental journey. I have not had the surgery but I am on the receiving end of not being loved due to my weight and other issues . If your marraige is important and you both love each other, maybe it is something you could work out with counseling or maybe there needs to be some healing on both your parts in order to move forward. I wish for peace and love for both of you and your family.
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01-13-2009, 04:11 PM
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#10 (permalink)
| | WLS Master Guru
Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Tennessee
Posts: 990
Weight Statistics Feb.08 Start Date:
Nov. 10th 2008 Surgery Date:
5' 7"
Height:
314 lb Start Weight:
225 lb Current Weight:
160 lb Goal Weight:
89 lb Weight Loss:
65 lb Lb Left to Lose:
28.3439490446 % % Lost:
Body Mass Index49.1739808421 BMI Start:
35.236132769 BMI Current:
25.0568055246 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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To the both of you. I am so sorry that this has happened to you and your family. I will pray that God leads both of you down the path that is best for you and your children. I am a firm beliver that everything happens for a reason. You might not know what that reason is right now. It could be that there are issues you need to come to terms with, it could be that it is time to move on. Either way know that you will be in my prayers.
__________________
Loving my new life.   | |
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