[Jenna]

Mind you, I am having the surgery as it is about me and not them. The thing is, these are best friends that I have had 10+ years. I told them recently and the sum of the response was 'You won't be you anymore'. This makes me think ya know. I love my friends and we have deep, long relationships, but things like that make me feel like I've been nothing more than the 'token fat chick'. Like I am SUPPOSED to be this way. It makes me feel like once I am thinner and have a new outlook and am 'free' like them, they won't appreciate me as much. Has anyone gone through these feeling? How do I drill it into their head that it is the same me, just a better version of it?

[judijo]

You may not be the same you after you lose the weight. You may be a different, yet BETTER person. They may feel threatened by that. You may lose a friend or two. It happens.

There are many stories of strained/lost/regained friendships in these boards.

My biggest fear was Teresa...a BFF since HS. (>30 years ago) since my surgery, we have gotten together twice. she has WLS 25 years ago and it ended up not being successful. I really feared our friendship would be strained.

You know what? we barely talked about the surgery. We just talked our usual banter..the kids.. politics.. jobs or lack thereof. It is wonderful. That is what true friendship is about. To not recognize the body...but the spirit of the person in it.

[MsVickie]

Honey if they are true friends they will love you and support you no matter what. They dont have to live in your body you do. Besides i really dont think your doing it for them are you except mabye wanting to stick around some more to still have there friendship and love.

Remember why you chose to have this done. I just posted this past weekend about somthing regarding this and my son what he had to say. Thats who mattered to me and what he said.

Im gonna ask you this question ok......... do you ever feel like you go out with them or out with one to make them look better to men? I used to have a friend that would do just that and she would have a blast. It worked for her.

Being a large lady never made me undateable. I do belive you have to like yourself before you will allow anyone else to like you.

[Kenyar]

true friends will stick around, ones who arent you didnt need anyway. it is sometimes a very lonely place to be. but you'll get thru it.

[ksummer19]

I believe they just do not understand what and how we feel deep inside or do not want to understand. They sound like caring friends and may just be scared for you. I had this with my family being afraid of what could happen to me. They just did not know enough of the facts and stats. Once they see how happy and successful you are they will be happy for you. I still have 2 close co-worker who have recently reminded me that the father on the Biggest Loser had bypass surgery and never lost his weight...blah blah....like HELLO I have made and past my goal and you still cannot say ONE positive thing to me. There are just some people who are always negative.

Remember this is for you and only you can decide what is best. Hang in there girl!

[kitcatcopycat]

I am going to be very honest .. please do not be offended. I have been in your shoes .. I have lost some friends and gained new ones. Some of them 20+ years. The weight loss did change some of my relationships. What is important is your health. They want you to stay the old you because then they feel good about themselves, not because they love you. If they loved you they would support you no matter what. My mom even said I may not like it, but I will support you no matter what!!! In the end my mom sees my life now and could not be happier for me. Some times friend and family are just scared of losing you. My dh tried to bribe me with a brand new car of my dreams not to go through with the surgery. But I was determined ... I was tried of being sad, sick, anti-social, tired, unhealthy. I wanted to happy, healthy, confident, have energy .. be a better mom, wife and friend. I am the same person just loving life more!!!

I don't know your friends, so I don't mean to judge them. But when it comes down to it, it's your life not theirs. They don't have to get up in the morning and feel the presser of 150+ pounds on their feet, the pain and all it entails.

Those friends that love you for you will be there always by your side. I promise things will be ok.

[Jenna]

You guys are all right, thanks so much In response to MsVickie...the short answer is no. Out of my handul of best friends, only one is a girl. Truth be told, I always got more attention than her, mainly because of my personality. But that didn't overshadow the fact that her attention came at the cost of her looks....but then again I guess my sort of attention was a more honest one? I'll just choose to look at it that way :P I do think my friends are afraid for me having sat down and thought about it. I think they are afraid of me changing personality wise, or maybe caring less about them. And I know they are honestly afraid for my safety with the surgery. This will just have to be something that will smooth over in time. Thanks everyone, you guys are great

[MsVickie]

Honey you telling me of all the best friends you having only one of which is a girl makes alot of sence to me acutally. I have alot of male friends myself. They where to ones that where more worried about me having this than anyone. However all of them no matter what even if its a headache for a day will blame it on the surgery. LOL. Kinda like back when they were trying to decide to let women into combat. Saying male soilders would stand and weep over a fallen woman and when it was a man they wouldnt as much. I think it goes back to a mother thing with them. I could be wrong. I know my son and my husband have had the hardest time emotionally with my decision. My hubby was there for me all the way but always feared he would lose me. My son is quiet about alot of it and just now is opening up about his feelings before during and after. Kinda like when he was a child and worrying about him getting home safe from someone he was with even though it was a brother or sister in law and I knew he was perfectly safe to being with not counting when he started to drive. If you set and think about that its like the constant worry.

That almost sounds like I flipped Flopped didnt it. LOL. Men and women feel different ways about things and men dont always open straight up and give you there feelings most of the time. To where a woman will.

[Fallin]

I think that people who don't struggle with their weight don't have any idea how hard of a decision this is for us. I took 2 years to come to this decision, my best friend went through all the testing over 18 months ago that she needed to get approval for her surgery. She had no insurance and paid for everything out of her own pocket. She had the money put aside for the surgeon and hit a wall with the hospital, they wanted $15,000 up front before they would even schedule the surgery with the Dr. She didn't have it and there went her dream of having this procedure done. So when I decided to do this she has supported me 1000%. Having said that my bf of 3 years up and disappeared on me... people have said maybe he couldn't handle the idea that I would change or wouldn't want him anymore, as everyone says it's his loss.
I'm sure that there are some things about us that change after this, other than the obvious appearance and health issues, but how can we not. Our outlook on life changes and just everyday interaction with other people is different... not that people should treat BBWs (men too) differently, but studies have show that it does happen. But the people who love us love us regardless of our size... they love us for who we are inside. Those who walk away are missing out on us at our best... happy with life and happy with ourselves.

[starting a new life]

True friends may not agree with your decision, but will support you. If you don't have their support, I would question their friendship. Remember, this is your life, your body, your decision. I had some of the same problems when I first thought about surgery. After a while, I stopped telling people, even family. This will be the best decision you've ever made for you. As someone said earlier, you'll lose friendships, gain some, and some will be resurrected. It's a strange ride, so hold on.