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06-04-2009, 11:09 AM
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#1 (permalink)
| | Big Loser
Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Ohio
Posts: 187
Weight Statistics Aug 6th 2009 Start Date:
Feb 25, 2010 Surgery Date:
5' 8"
Height:
294 lb Start Weight:
177 lb Current Weight:
160 lb Goal Weight:
117 lb Weight Loss:
17 lb Lb Left to Lose:
39.7959183673 % % Lost:
2011 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index44.6976643599 BMI Start:
26.9098183391 BMI Current:
24.3252595156 BMI Goal:
 |  How to tell close friends and family?
Hello Everyone,
I have just started the process of getting approved. My biggest worry is telling my close friends and family I am going to have the surgery. (I only talk in positive words because I want this badly. Kinda a "Secret, the book" thing! lol) I am only going to tell 2 friends and my parents. I know my mom, dad and one of my friends will probably have concerns and not want me to it. How has everyone dealt with telling family and friends? I wish I could keep it to myself but my parents live close and I will need their help after surgery.
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06-04-2009, 11:22 AM
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#2 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Floyd County Virginia
Posts: 9,219
Weight Statistics September 19th 2007 Start Date:
September 19th 2007 Surgery Date:
5' 10"
Height:
363 lb Start Weight:
170 lb Current Weight:
170 lb Goal Weight:
193 lb Weight Loss:
53.1680440771 % % Lost:
12/31/09 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index52.0793877551 BMI Start:
24.3897959184 BMI Current:
24.3897959184 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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I cant help you with telling your parents. I lost both so young but I think they would have been for it. Upon telling my brothers however which I have 3 they were full of questions and supportive. When they approve of something there response is (Well Good). Be prepared however for allot of questions. They are trying to learn with you so its a good thing I think.
Friends, if they know you very well they will already understand and will support your decision. I'm sure they will have allot of questions also.
Some in here didn't mind telling anyone about this. Some only told a few close few and some didn't tell anyone. I personally told everyone! LOL.
Remember in the end this is YOUR decision and your doing it to live a much better life. Some may not quite understand that yet but will after they see you change.
Good luck honey.
__________________ Remember Tough times never last Tough people do... This Ribbon is for our Lady Lisa and all the women that fight this ugly disease. RIP Jerry my friend
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06-04-2009, 01:12 PM
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#3 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: May 2008 Location: Just north of Iowa, not far from I-35. 2nd star on the right and straight on 'til morning!
Posts: 8,214
Weight Statistics December 13, 2007 (pre-op liquid diet started) Start Date:
December 27, 2007 Surgery Date:
5' 9"
Height:
280 lb Start Weight:
172 lb Current Weight:
184 lb Goal Weight:
108 lb Weight Loss:
-12 lb Lb Left to Lose:
38.5714285714 % % Lost:
Originally - 12/08. Actually - 8/08. Goal Date:
Body Mass Index41.3442554085 BMI Start:
25.3971854652 BMI Current:
27.1690821256 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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There are as many ways of handling this one as there are of us on this list. We live some distance from family (1200 miles), so it was easy not to tell them. I chose not to tell anyone besides my wife because I didn't want a lot of horror stories of botched operations, failed weight loss and agonizing deaths. My choice. Folks at work noticed I was losing after awhile, but while I told them pieces of it (nutrition, 30-30 rule, etc) I didn't tell anyone the whole story until long after I had reached goal and stabilized. We went to a family reunion about the time I hit goal, and many didn't recognize me ("Hi, I don't think we've met. I'm Dan." "Good to meet you Dan, I'm your uncle!") 
I was way out in the open about it at that reunion, and after seeing my success they had a hard time telling me I was gonna die from it. This created a good atmosphere for my wife to announce that she was going to have the same operation this year.
As Vickie has said, you friends will support you and accept it. Not everyone you count as a friend will pass this test, though. Many here have been disappointed at the rejection that they've experienced from those who should have been joyful with them. You just can't predict how folks'll react.
Good luck figuring it out. Whatever you do, make sure you are armed with the facts before you go talking about it to those who only know rumors and what they've seen on those TV shows that create drama from failed attempts.
CT
__________________ da perfesser
*******************
Dare to live your dream!!
If you want to be healthy for life, do for life the things that get you healthy!! Living healthy takes work. Dying fat is easy!! "That which we persist in doing becomes easier, not that the nature of the task has changed, but that our capacity to do has increased." - HJ Grant
"Do, or do not. There is no try!" - Yoda
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06-04-2009, 01:25 PM
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#4 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Mississippi
Posts: 4,905
Weight Statistics 3/18/2008 (dieted all my life) Start Date:
9/30/2008 Surgery Date:
5' 8"
Height:
292 lb Start Weight:
192 lb Current Weight:
189 lb Goal Weight:
100 lb Weight Loss:
3 lb Lb Left to Lose:
34.2465753425 % % Lost:
2 years Goal Date:
Body Mass Index44.3935986159 BMI Start:
29.1903114187 BMI Current:
28.7342128028 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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Msvickie and CT always give such good advice. I agree with what they said. Read and research as much as you can so that when they have questions you can give them a good answer. Good luck on your journey. It is truly life changing. Let us hear from you.
__________________   Love to Share , Health to Spare, and Friends that Care!
23 pounds lost before surgery.
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06-04-2009, 07:18 PM
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#5 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Tampa, FL
Posts: 3,605
Weight Statistics July 10, 2007 Surgery Date:
5' 6"
Height:
271 lb Start Weight:
175 lb Current Weight:
182 lb Goal Weight:
96 lb Weight Loss:
-7 lb Lb Left to Lose:
35.4243542435 % % Lost:
Body Mass Index43.7357667585 BMI Start:
28.2426538108 BMI Current:
29.3723599633 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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I was surprised by the fact that my mom was supportive of my decision. I was all prepared to defend my decision to the hilt, but turns out she was well aware of the surgery and in spite of the fact that she knew a lady that regretted doing it (done in late 70's - had issues) she knew that my lifespan would be short if I kept going the way I was going. My best friend was freaked out but stood by my decision and was a great emotional support post op. I took my time making my decision so my DH, DD & DS had plenty of time to get used to the idea. Also, for those who will give you direct physical and emotional support post op, I'd suggest taking them to an informational meeting your surgeon probably offers. This will give them an opportunity to ask questions and meet postops. Good luck!
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06-04-2009, 09:48 PM
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#6 (permalink)
| | WLS Guru
Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: close to Toronto
Posts: 497
Weight Statistics November 21, 2008 Start Date:
November 21st, 2008 Surgery Date:
5' 6"
Height:
265 lb Start Weight:
149 lb Current Weight:
150 lb Goal Weight:
116 lb Weight Loss:
-1 lb Lb Left to Lose:
43.7735849057 % % Lost:
no hurry Goal Date:
Body Mass Index42.7674471993 BMI Start:
24.0466023875 BMI Current:
24.2079889807 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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oh boy... good luck... all i can say is have the FACTS to back up your decision...medical /scientific facts that you research. Hell, print them up so you can just say "HERE, read this".
Many have asked this question, it is very valid. My bf left me the night before the surgery...many are terrified of you dying on the table. Im sure if you surf through the friends and family forum you can find lots of stories.
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if you could see the end, it wouldnt be such an adventure
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06-05-2009, 11:40 AM
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#7 (permalink)
| | Guru In Training
Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Poughkeepsie, NY
Posts: 239
Weight Statistics August 4, 2008 Surgery Date:
5' 1"
Height:
263 lb Start Weight:
132 lb Current Weight:
120 lb Goal Weight:
131 lb Weight Loss:
12 lb Lb Left to Lose:
49.8098859316 % % Lost:
Summer 2010 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index49.6879871002 BMI Start:
24.9384574039 BMI Current:
22.6713249127 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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By the time I got a surgery date, the only people that knew about my decision were my husband, my therapist, my husband's brother, and our sister-in-law. My mother is the type of person that can find something to be critical about in anything I do, so I chose not to tell her until it was already done. I had the surgery 8/4 and didn't tell my parents until November. My parents live a couple of hours away and we don't see each other often, so it was easy to keep it a secret. I let my grandmother know a week before. That way when she got all paranoid and tried to talk me out of it I could say that I had my mind made up and it was already scheduled. My mother-in-law is an evil witch, so my husband's side of the family (other than the brother and sister-in-law) found out when we visited for Christmas.
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06-05-2009, 12:32 PM
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#8 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: May 2008 Location: Just north of Iowa, not far from I-35. 2nd star on the right and straight on 'til morning!
Posts: 8,214
Weight Statistics December 13, 2007 (pre-op liquid diet started) Start Date:
December 27, 2007 Surgery Date:
5' 9"
Height:
280 lb Start Weight:
172 lb Current Weight:
184 lb Goal Weight:
108 lb Weight Loss:
-12 lb Lb Left to Lose:
38.5714285714 % % Lost:
Originally - 12/08. Actually - 8/08. Goal Date:
Body Mass Index41.3442554085 BMI Start:
25.3971854652 BMI Current:
27.1690821256 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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Christine, how much weight had you lost when you saw your folks in November and his at Christmas? And what were their reactions?
CT
__________________ da perfesser
*******************
Dare to live your dream!!
If you want to be healthy for life, do for life the things that get you healthy!! Living healthy takes work. Dying fat is easy!! "That which we persist in doing becomes easier, not that the nature of the task has changed, but that our capacity to do has increased." - HJ Grant
"Do, or do not. There is no try!" - Yoda
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06-05-2009, 12:51 PM
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#9 (permalink)
| | Guru In Training
Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Poughkeepsie, NY
Posts: 239
Weight Statistics August 4, 2008 Surgery Date:
5' 1"
Height:
263 lb Start Weight:
132 lb Current Weight:
120 lb Goal Weight:
131 lb Weight Loss:
12 lb Lb Left to Lose:
49.8098859316 % % Lost:
Summer 2010 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index49.6879871002 BMI Start:
24.9384574039 BMI Current:
22.6713249127 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Perfesser  Christine, how much weight had you lost when you saw your folks in November and his at Christmas? And what were their reactions?
CT | Not sure how much in pounds, but I was wearing size 24 jeans pre-op and I was wearing size 18 when I saw my parents and size 16 when I saw his parents. I got a positive reaction from both. Everyone told me I looked really good. His family commented on how brave I was to do it. I got a lot of questions about my recovery time, dietary requirements, explaining the actual surgery, how I felt physically. I brought my little photo album of pre-op and post-op pics. They were all saying how amazing the difference was.
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06-05-2009, 02:31 PM
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#10 (permalink)
| | Big Loser
Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Ohio
Posts: 187
Weight Statistics Aug 6th 2009 Start Date:
Feb 25, 2010 Surgery Date:
5' 8"
Height:
294 lb Start Weight:
177 lb Current Weight:
160 lb Goal Weight:
117 lb Weight Loss:
17 lb Lb Left to Lose:
39.7959183673 % % Lost:
2011 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index44.6976643599 BMI Start:
26.9098183391 BMI Current:
24.3252595156 BMI Goal:
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Thanks everyone for telling me your stories. It helped a lot. I think I am going to wait to tell my close friends, I work with them, right before my surgery/last day of work. They will noticed I am gone and be concerned. I will tell my parents when I get approved. I will be prepared for their questions.
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