[starting a new life]

The one thing I'm noticing more and more every day, especially with my family (my mother being the ring leader) is everybody forever telling me not to lose anymore weight.....I'm at a good size now......you don't want to start to look sick....you won't be smaller because you're from a big family......you will always have your big hips and thighs, etc, etc, etc. I've actually told my mother a few times that I did not spend $30K+ to lose 55 pounds and stay above 200 lbs. Of course the first thing everyone wants to know is "how much MORE do you want to lose??". What business is it of yours anyway??? This journey was for me and no one else, but of course they have to give their opinion. What can I say to these people, in a nice tone, to let them know (1) you can stop commenting on how much I've lost and (2) I will stop losing weight when my body stops and (3) I feel better, my health is better, and that's all that matters. I really want to say "people, just leave me alone!!!!", or , but I have to be nice about it. I know my veterans have had this problem. What can I say, and how can I say it, to get people off my back, but not be so curt and short. Well, on the other hand, maybe I SHOULD be short with them, hmmmmm........

[MsVickie]

You know what the way you wrote at the 3 things where not offensive to me what so ever. It was about your weight my middle brother brought the same thing up. They are not used to seeing you at the way you are. Tell them how much you weigh and alot of times that gets them quiet for a while longer. Somthing about them hearing how much you still weigh will simmer them down. Or it helped me with friends and family.

I seen one of my sister n laws friday. She is one that lives very close but we dont see each other much. I was in the truck at the grocery store ready to leave when they pulled up. This is how the converstaion went. Hi there hugs......

How are you im great and you im doing well . Then she says are you really ok? I says yes............. my brother filled her in on the seizures. She is a pastor which takes up all of her time and a mother to three young boys.

I say yes In fine. Then you look good but you need to stop........ that might be what is causing the things yourhaving. See you later. Off she went.

You see.,,,,,shes great lady and I know this. Her plate overflows because she also works on the school board in the county as the no child left behind person. Her mother has this same surgery a year before myself with a differnt surgeon in another group of physicans in the area. He mother when she hit the one year stat started to gain weight back and is now 40 pound from where she started. Her mother and I have shared alot with each other unknown to Angela about our weight problems. She has started another group support system with bypass patient who regain weight. Its helping.

With all the responsiblitys she has taken on she has forgot about her husbands side of the family entirly unless we just happen to meet up somewhere. I do see my brother but she is never home. I see her kids and they call me alot. I do them also.
She is fighting a weight demon herself and is worried she will fall into the obese thing before long. She told me that at christmas. She said I dont wanna be like my mom so I have to get ahold of this. My reply to her was this.... Honey you have alot of stress with your job as a mom a pastor a wife and a mother. You have to learn to take time for yourself or it will get you.

Sorry I ramlbled off to that. Listen honey you know your not where you need to be yet. You will achieve that goal. They will have to watch it wether they like it or not . If you were underweight that would be a much different story. Keep the faith and up the fight to win. Remember your doing this for you and to get YOU healthy.

[dixieladybug]

OH family.. got to love them.. lol You know what you want and what you are working so hard for. You have an idea where you want to stop or you body does anyway. You know that they mean well, but they don't really know what we go through with the surgery and the work to stay on the food plan and exercise. Being able to do things that we have not been able to do in so long. To get into smaller clothes and look in the mirror and see such a change in our bodies is such a wonderful blessing. Don't let anyone cause you to even think about where they think you should stop. This is your journey and you own it. I have the same problem. My sister was always the smaller one and I was always the big sister with the personality.. she was miss everything. lol Now she has gained and I am smaller than she is and it is not setting well with her. It is wonderful lol... I love it. I have people tell me that I am big boned and I will look sick if i lose anymore. I have a mirror and I know how I look and that I do need to lose some more. This is my choice and I will not give up on my dream.. I think you look great now and I know that you will make it to where YOU feel good about yourself and say ok I am happy here. We have earned that choice. I just hope my body and I will be in agreement there. lol Keep up the good work. You are doing a good job. ((hugs))) dixie

[clancythecamper]

How about "Thank you, I feel great It's not about numbers, my doctor and I are just wanting to make me as healthy as possible" and then change the subject. I have some friends who still "see" the old me and every time I see them they exclaim "I can't believe it! Its a miracle! You're really keeping the weight off?" While I'm as surprised as they are ~ LOL ~ I just wish we didn't have to go thru this repeatedly every time I see them. I've even said "that's old news, how are you...." but, I don't know, maybe someone else will come up with something; in the mean time, keep smiling

[kbfrmaz]

I am having this problem. I tell people that my body will stabilize and probably regain 10% so I can use a cushion. Don't know if that helps, even today my hubby told me my face looked sick and I shouldn't lose more......what can ya do?

[DocSanae]

If your present weight is at its lowest in your adult life, then no one has seen you as you are now, which will have everyone pulling all over the place, depending on where THEY--not you--are.
You have the choice of sayin as clancy has suggested, or, after you have heard each of them out ONCE, say flat out that once is enough and it isn't their business anyway.
Have you ever thought that trying to be nice to everyone the way you are trying now, is/was one of the stressors in the past that made you turn to food? If that's the case, then you know you'll have to cut that kind of *talkin' to ya* out of your life for once and for all.
My $0.02

[wannabe skinny]

good luck on this most of the time when people say something along these lines i will just smile and say i am really pleased with my weight loss and i'm just about where i want to be.

people are so concerned for our health and they perceive looking gaunt as not being healthy. assure them that you feel great and that you are eating and taking your vitamins. seems to me that most people are concerned with how i am feeling and need that assurance.

[lvmyboys]

I don't really have this problem or havent yet but I am not really losing much anymore. My husband says I am bones but he is the only one that has said anything about being real skinny. Actually my best friend says stuff like "now that you are stick skinny" but nobody has told me that I need to stop losing or that I have lost too much. I think that more then likely they are just not used to your new size and it will take some getting used to on their part.

[not quite Barbie]

Yep, I still hear it all the time. I just agree with them and tell them I'm doing my best to stop but my body is going to do what it wants to do. It's how the surgery works. But yes, it's agrivating to hear it when you know you want/need to lose more.

[Perfesser]

As others have said, I think that if you answer them that you are under medical supervision and that your doctor is pleased with your progress, there's not a blessed thing they can say about it. If they press about where you're going with it, fall back on your stock answer and say that you don't know how much more you'll lose, but your doctor is satisfied with your progress. If they pry further, tell them that you are doing all the lab tests that your doctor wants and that he thinks you are doing just fine.

They want to get you into a defensive posture, where you feel the need to justify yourself and your actions. If all you give them is medical fact and higher authority than theirs, and if you refuse to play their game, they'll eventually give up on talking to you about it, and turn to others to gossip about you. They're gonna gossip about you anyway, because you are doing something outside their experience by taking control of your life rather than choosing to be a victim of fate.

Just stick to your talking point about the doctor. It's all they need to know. They're gonna do what they're gonna do anyway, but it'll relieve the stress on you. You didn't choose this path to have to justify it to anyone.

By the way - how involved and supportive were these people when you were getting ready for surgery? Have they earned the right to counsel you on this decision and its results? Just curious, but I think I know the answer already!

Hang in there. This is not about them, their feelings, or their "expert" opinions on how you should run your life. This is about you and your life, both the quality and quantity of it.

CT