[myavt]

Hi Ladies!

I feel sad that I haven't kept up on this thread as well as I ought because it is soooooo meaningful to me and I really care about the women on it! I especially would like to send out love and 'good vibes' to those who have expressed their pain here! I understand that pain because it was mine 20 years ago before MY divorce. What a horrible man I was with. What a lovely guy I am grateful to have waited until age 36 to find!

I understand being super-commited to a person who is worth HAVING a relationship with. So I am in agreement with the ladies who speak about investing EVERYTHING (both parties) into a relationship...

...then I disagree. Some things (being touched in any way that hurts or I don't like it, being called names, being told I'm crazy or accused of things--any other form of abuse I have forgotten to include) are flat out unacceptable. "I need to take myself out of this situation right now" is what my wiser self SCREAMS at me should certain things occur.

I wish for every woman here a fine and nurturing relationship that is mutually supportive. I also wish for everyone the wisdom to know when s**t is too awful... ...and the power to walk away. [To borrow from a little prayer I like]

XOXO
Mya

[lezlyrs]

Im glad there are couples that come out of this closer. With me you might have read my earlier post about my cheating husband, it was two years ago and he was with many. I dont think i can get over it. If i felt good about myself like i do now, i would have left him then. Its a real struggle right now. Im scared that we will be over. He will not go to counseling. He has started accusing of me of cheating. I stay because of my daughter. Im afraid my daughter will have problems, if we split. Does anyone have any advise going through a divorce with children.

[myavt]

Lezly;

I divorced when my children were 2, 4, and 9. Now they are 17, 19, and 24. So we're talking about a long term view here.

All I can say is that they are terrific well put together kids. While I was married, my 4 year-old had some phobias, 2 y/o was clingy, and 9 y/o was angry! Now they are all GREAT! Scholarships to college. 3 sports a year while in highschool.

What they say is that they can't handle hanging out at their Dad's house because of the "tension" (this is w/his next wife of 14 years). They love him--because kids will no matter what. They say they love "home" (my house) because it is so kicked back and positive. Dad created another abusive relationship, because he's gonna be himself where ever he goes, whatever he does. Kids pick up on STRESS and TENSION even if they dont "see" anything. They HEAR everything!!!

I don't know what's right for you in your situation. All I know is that it took my kids 2 or 3 years to RECOVER from childhood IN my marriage!!! If I had stayed there I'm pretty sure they'd be pretty crazy, bitter, angry young people. Growing up in a place where things are made to look good, but really they aren't--creates craziness for kids.

That's just IMO.

XOXO
Mya

[smaguire]

Free at last free at last free at last. I have been planning since before my surgery on leaveing. I put in an application back in February for a subsidized apartment. My surgery was on feb 26 and i have been waiting for 8 months to get it. My husband threw me and my kids out on Oct 22nd( our 4 year wedding aniversary was on the 26th of Oct) . I had been planning on moving out on the 27th anyway but I have my own place and it is so calm and relaxing and my kids are doing great. I'm so happy. I feel like life just keeps getting better and better. I'm in school finishing my degre and I have lost 90 pounds and actually i just lost 165lbs of ugly Fat all in one day. Just thought i'd share my happiness with everyone

[courtneey]

Congrats on your new life! I truly believe that staying together for the kids sake is a horrible mistake. My sister has been in a horrible marriage for about 20 years. They fight all the time and the tension in their house is so thick you could cut it with a knife. She always said that she stayed for the kids. Well, the kids are now grown, both of them say that they will never get married because their childhoods were so unhappy. I tried to compensate where I could,both of them would spend a lot of time here because we always have fun and enjoy our kids to the fullest. The always said that they wanted to live here because oiur house is full of laughter all the time. I try to tell them that that is what marriage is supposed to be. You should be happy. They don't understand why their parents are still together now that they are grown, and frankly, neither do I. Some people love misery, I guess.

[FemmeMode]

Hi Ladies! I feel sad that I haven't kept up on this thread as well as I ought because it is soooooo meaningful to me and I really care about the women on it! I especially would like to send out love and 'good vibes' to those who have expressed their pain here!
I wish for every woman here a fine and nurturing relationship that is mutually supportive. I also wish for everyone the wisdom to know when s**t is too awful... ...and the power to walk away. [To borrow from a little prayer I like] XOXO Mya

MYA~ I couldn't agree more with you.... I'm sooo in AWE of all you women...and all the tough decisions you have to make for yourselves...your kids -- YOUR LIFE!!

Thanks to EVERYONE for sharing your heart -- your struggles -- and being soooo authentic with all of us!

Im glad there are couples that come out of this closer. With me you might have read my earlier post about my cheating husband, it was two years ago and he was with many. I dont think i can get over it. If i felt good about myself like i do now, i would have left him then. Its a real struggle right now. Im scared that we will be over. He will not go to counseling. He has started accusing of me of cheating. I stay because of my daughter. Im afraid my daughter will have problems, if we split. Does anyone have any advise going through a divorce with children.

LEZLY~ Wow...I completely hear you. That grieves me for you, I know -- without a doubt -- that I would struggle with 'getting over it' too! As far as HIM accusing YOU...WOW!! That's his guilt I'm sure....and soooo not fair to you!!
I have gone thru a divorce too...but not at the wife -- as the daughter. And what I will say to you is -- I'm sooo glad that my parents divorced! (In the long run....)
In the time....it was devastating to me as a 12yo....but mainly b/c I had NO IDEA that it was happening...and I was afraid about the change. I also became more and more angry at their fighting...if my Mom wouldn't have talked 'crap' about Dad -- or if they wouldn't have let us hear them fight -- I think it would've been easier. I still feel angry at my Mom for talking CRAP about my Dad. HE never said a word about her....and I respect HIM sooo much for that! (I feel like my Mom talking crap put me on her side at the time - b/c I believed her...but now as an adult...I see that she was angry and exaggerated the truth - and therefore ROBBED me of those years with my Dad! -- That caused me a ton of pain...and nearly caused me to never want to get married.) Thankfully - as an adult, I got counseling and healed enough to invest in relationship...and finally met my DH....and am extremely blessed that HE is an honorable man. I feel blessed!
I desire this type of relationship for you and your daughter Lezly...some of the greatest things that came out of my parents divorce...

• an AWESOME step-father
• a wonderful sister with him...(step sis..but known her since she was 5yrs old!! 25yrs....she's been my sis!)
  
• and a baby brother! (half brother....he was born my senior year!)
  
• an AMAZING step-Mom...
• Both my parents have now been in healthy happy relationships for over 20yrs each...I adore my steps!!!!
  

I CANNOT imagine life without them!!! I SOOOO LOVE THEM!

There is a verse in the bible that says, "God works ALL THINGS together for GOOD..." (Romans 8:28)
I sooo believe this. Not ALL things are good...but ALL things work together for good!~
There could be some amazing blessing you'd never know until you took care of yourself! Good luck and God Bless in your decisions!