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08-01-2009, 09:35 PM
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#11 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Oklahoma City, Okla USA
Posts: 2,549
Weight Statistics 05/17/02 Start Date:
05/17/02 Surgery Date:
5' 5"
Height:
355 lb Start Weight:
190 lb Current Weight:
175 lb Goal Weight:
165 lb Weight Loss:
15 lb Lb Left to Lose:
46.4788732394 % % Lost:
Body Mass Index59.0686390533 BMI Start:
31.6142011834 BMI Current:
29.1183431953 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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You DO owe it to yourself to find happiness in the new you and everything you shared shows that you knew already your marriage was over. My 2nd marriage was one from the internet and I lost the weight (wls) while married to him, he from Australia and our marriage failed bigtime. LOL..got too small for him..go figure that one out!!!
If you can afford it, and can see it through...DO it! Being alone and focusing on YOU, being selfish for once in your life might be what you need to find that happiness that is eluding you!
That's just my personal two cents on it..!
This surgery definitely tests ALL relationships in the new world of US after WLS...if a marriage wasn't already tight..the post op time can make that really clear.
__________________ 
(Spring 2004)
(lowest body weight/size) --BREE
- Strength in body is fleeting, but MY strength is from the LORD whose strength never weakens...
--------------------- open RNY 5/17/2002 -166 lbs(-200 at lowest) 8 years post in May 2010
Open major abdominal surgery 4/6/2010 for internal hernia release, extensive scarring removal & Appendix removal
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08-01-2009, 10:07 PM
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#12 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: North Dakota..ya sure, u betcha!
Posts: 1,738
Weight Statistics Which time? Start Date:
July 24, 2009 Surgery Date:
4' 11"
Height:
213 lb Start Weight:
108 lb Current Weight:
120 lb Goal Weight:
105 lb Weight Loss:
-12 lb Lb Left to Lose:
49.2957746479 % % Lost:
Whenever.... Goal Date:
Body Mass Index43.0160873312 BMI Start:
21.8109738581 BMI Current:
24.2344153979 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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Sweetie... I am so sorry you have to deal with all of this. Relationships are tough, aren't they? Do you have any counseling that might be available to you via employer benefits or clergy or someone who can help as well? Take care of yourself, but don't become bitter, that will just create more problems. Agreed, hit it head on and don't use food as a comfort.
Remember that you are a loved person....love by God, loved by friend and family and many others. Perhaps the marital love is not there right now, but you ARE a loveable person!
Hang in there.
salli lou
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08-01-2009, 10:14 PM
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#13 (permalink)
| | Cub Reporter
Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Lansing, Michigan
Posts: 79
Weight Statistics April 2009 Start Date:
August 3, 2009 Surgery Date:
5' 4"
Height:
255 lb Start Weight:
175 lb Current Weight:
150 lb Goal Weight:
80 lb Weight Loss:
25 lb Lb Left to Lose:
31.3725490196 % % Lost:
June 2010 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index43.7658691406 BMI Start:
30.0354003906 BMI Current:
25.7446289062 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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Hi Andrea, I am 47 and divorced my husband of 25 years in 2006....it was a loveless marriage just like yours sounds to be. I can honestly say, it was the best thing I ever did. Being alone is scary but be strong you deserve to be happy. We are in the prime of our lives....go out there and find someone to share your life with, be happy, look forward to growing old together enjoying everyday of your life. I look at my divorce as my first gift to myself and the sugery as the second. Best of luck...we are all behind you with support and prayers.
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08-02-2009, 09:12 AM
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#14 (permalink)
| | Super Moderator
Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Tokyo, Japan
Posts: 24,786
5' 5"
Height:
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No offense to you nor to anyone else, but to put it in bluntly and in a nutshell.
This surgery will either make or break a marriage. No middle territory.
If a marriage is rocky, then losing weight will not improve the situation, it will make it worse. If a marriage is steady, it will become even more steadier because both parties partner up in making the surgery a success.
Losing the excess weight generally increases your self esteem, so you will stop taking crap from others which will definitely affect relationships, especially those where you were the weaker link. You are learning to put your well being first--which is the way it should be--and that will make your partner feel insecure or inconsequential, if your partner depended on your insecurity to feel secure himself.
Put your well being first, and make what choices you need to make for a better life, both for him as well as yourself. Just as you deserve a chance for a better life, so does he. This may mean trying to make it work through marriage counseling, or it may mean parting your ways. Whichever choice you make, may it be for the best for you.
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08-02-2009, 11:01 AM
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#15 (permalink)
| | Big Loser
Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Oregon
Posts: 128
Weight Statistics December 14, 2008 Start Date:
February 4th, 2009 Surgery Date:
5' 2"
Height:
241 lb Start Weight:
173 lb Current Weight:
135 lb Goal Weight:
68 lb Weight Loss:
38 lb Lb Left to Lose:
28.2157676349 % % Lost:
Body Mass Index44.0746618106 BMI Start:
31.6386576483 BMI Current:
24.6891259105 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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Thanks Doc, I was hoping your would respond...you always put thing's in the right perspective & I appreciate your honesty.
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08-02-2009, 11:09 AM
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#16 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Floyd County Virginia
Posts: 9,445
Weight Statistics September 19th 2007 Start Date:
September 19th 2007 June 18,2012 Surgery Date:
5' 10"
Height:
363 lb Start Weight:
226 lb Current Weight:
170 lb Goal Weight:
137 lb Weight Loss:
56 lb Lb Left to Lose:
37.741046832 % % Lost:
When I get there again Goal Date:
Body Mass Index52.0793877551 BMI Start:
32.4240816327 BMI Current:
24.3897959184 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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Docs complety right! She stated this when I first joined. Shes right no middle ground. Its there or it isnt
__________________ Remember Tough times never last Tough people do... This Ribbon is for our Lady Lisa and all the women that fight this ugly disease. RIP Jerry my friend
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08-02-2009, 09:26 PM
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#17 (permalink)
| | WLS Mentor
Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Saint Louis
Posts: 1,477
Weight Statistics 5/6/08 Surgery Date:
5' 10"
Height:
325 lb Start Weight:
149 lb Current Weight:
150 lb Goal Weight:
176 lb Weight Loss:
-1 lb Lb Left to Lose:
54.1538461538 % % Lost:
Body Mass Index46.6275510204 BMI Start:
21.3769387755 BMI Current:
21.5204081633 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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{{{andrea}}}} so sorry to hear about the problems that you are having in your marriage. you have been receiving a lot of excellent advice and i pray that you are able to do what is best for you ~ you deserve to have peace and happiness.
__________________  joanne DePaul Weight Loss Institute
Saint Louis, Mo - May 6, 2008 _____________________________________________
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13  http://joannes-journey.blogspot.com
url=http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wPgwlBa/] 
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08-03-2009, 12:52 AM
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#18 (permalink)
| | Whipper Snapper
Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: The Empire State!
Posts: 30
Weight Statistics September 8, 2009 Surgery Date:
5' 5"
Height:
283 lb Start Weight:
179 lb Current Weight:
150 lb Goal Weight:
104 lb Weight Loss:
29 lb Lb Left to Lose:
36.7491166078 % % Lost:
Body Mass Index47.0885207101 BMI Start:
29.7839053254 BMI Current:
24.9585798817 BMI Goal:
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Don't have much to say besides what everyone else has posted but I do want to offer some hugs.
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08-03-2009, 12:23 PM
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#19 (permalink)
| | Big Loser
Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: San Antonio Texas
Posts: 137
Weight Statistics 08/10/2009 Start Date:
12/17/2009 Surgery Date:
5' 1"
Height:
375 lb Start Weight:
185 lb Current Weight:
125 lb Goal Weight:
190 lb Weight Loss:
60 lb Lb Left to Lose:
50.6666666667 % % Lost:
07/01/2012 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index70.8478903521 BMI Start:
34.951625907 BMI Current:
23.6159634507 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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Sending hugs to you. I know it is hard I am going through that same thing with my husband. I have not had surgery yet and there are so many things going on between him and me I am wondering if I should leave to. It is a hard thing to decide if you need any one to talk to let me know 
__________________  I can do all things through him that strengths me. Instead of giving myself reasons why I can't, I give myself reasons why I can.
Author Unknown "Never, never, never give up!"
~ Winston Churchill 
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08-04-2009, 10:52 AM
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#20 (permalink)
| | Cub Reporter
Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Hagerstown, MD
Posts: 75
Weight Statistics July 11, 2007 Start Date:
April 15, 2008 Surgery Date:
5' 4"
Height:
315 lb Start Weight:
206 lb Current Weight:
150 lb Goal Weight:
109 lb Weight Loss:
56 lb Lb Left to Lose:
34.6031746032 % % Lost:
Body Mass Index54.0637207031 BMI Start:
35.3559570312 BMI Current:
25.7446289062 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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Hi Andrea!
I'm so sorry you are in this situation and I guess I'm curious. Do you and your hubby talk about the problems in your marriage? Is he happy or as miserable as you are? Would there be any benefit to counselling if he would agree to it? If he is happy and won't agree to counselling then I don't think (my opinion only) you should continue. The problems existed before your surgery so it seems to me it has very little to do with that. If he is miserable and refuses to go to counselling, I stand by the same answer. Don't live your life to make someone else happy, especially if the person is unwilling to try to improve things.
Good luck to you!
__________________ I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Come blog with me! Kim  | |
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