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08-01-2009, 10:48 AM
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#1 (permalink)
| | Big Loser
Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Oregon
Posts: 128
Weight Statistics December 14, 2008 Start Date:
February 4th, 2009 Surgery Date:
5' 2"
Height:
241 lb Start Weight:
173 lb Current Weight:
135 lb Goal Weight:
68 lb Weight Loss:
38 lb Lb Left to Lose:
28.2157676349 % % Lost:
Body Mass Index44.0746618106 BMI Start:
31.6386576483 BMI Current:
24.6891259105 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
|  Marriage trouble
 Ive been married now for almost 8 yrs..I met my husband on the internet & he moved here from Europe. My previous husband passed away from brain cancer & Im pretty sure I jumped into my current marriage too soon. Our marriage hasn't been a close one for over 5 yrs. He never tells me he loves me & we haven't been intimate in over 3yrs. I had GB surgery in February & I guess I thought if I lost a lot of weight, that thing's would change. I wasn't really sure if it would, but I guess I was hoping. Its quite clear that thing's have not changed for the better & have probably actually gotten worse. We dont fight, we dont really talk. Were like two ships that pass in the night. I dont have feelings for him anymore because of our distance. I guess im just wondering if anyone else has experienced distance after GB surgery..im still wondering if I should get divorced. Im 46 yrs old & still have so much life left to live...I feel like Im wasting my life away being in this loveless marriage. I dont know if I should stick it out & try to get help, or move on. I really dont see thing's changing, even if we did get help, he will still be the same person & I dont want to change him or who he is either. I dont know if im being unrealistic & expecting too much, or if I should end this now & move on w/my life. I just want to be happy & feel loved, is that too much to ask??? Any ideas are appreciated!
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08-01-2009, 11:16 AM
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#2 (permalink)
| | WLS Master Guru
Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Big Sky Country~Montana
Posts: 873
Weight Statistics Sept 2008 Start Date:
Oct 13, 2008 Surgery Date:
5' 7"
Height:
450 lb Start Weight:
306 lb Current Weight:
180 lb Goal Weight:
144 lb Weight Loss:
126 lb Lb Left to Lose:
32 % % Lost:
in late 2010 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index70.472265538 BMI Start:
47.9211405658 BMI Current:
28.1889062152 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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(((((((Andrea45))))))) sending hugs your way! I am sorry you are going through such a hard time.
__________________ RC  Make a difference!
Attitudes are contagious... is yours worth catching?
my website | |
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08-01-2009, 11:52 AM
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#3 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Floyd County Virginia
Posts: 9,219
Weight Statistics September 19th 2007 Start Date:
September 19th 2007 Surgery Date:
5' 10"
Height:
363 lb Start Weight:
170 lb Current Weight:
170 lb Goal Weight:
193 lb Weight Loss:
53.1680440771 % % Lost:
12/31/09 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index52.0793877551 BMI Start:
24.3897959184 BMI Current:
24.3897959184 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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This is not uncommon to hear. Unfortunatly. I think you already knew your marriage was suffering before you had this done as you stated. I think everyone puts the last hope and chance in.
When we decide to do this surgery...... It will test a marraige. If its strong it last...... if its not so good to begin with its hard to get it strong afterwards.
__________________ Remember Tough times never last Tough people do... This Ribbon is for our Lady Lisa and all the women that fight this ugly disease. RIP Jerry my friend
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08-01-2009, 01:41 PM
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#4 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: NY
Posts: 10,172
Weight Statistics 4/19/2007 Surgery Date:
5' 9"
Height:
260 lb Start Weight:
152 lb Current Weight:
165 lb Goal Weight:
108 lb Weight Loss:
-13 lb Lb Left to Lose:
41.5384615385 % % Lost:
Body Mass Index38.3910943079 BMI Start:
22.4440243646 BMI Current:
24.36357908 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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im sorry you are going thru this. i have found that losing weight has tested EVERY relationship in my life. i am not married nor do i have a boyfriend, but i have lost friends and work relationships have suffered as well.
we have to realize that this will not solve other issues in our lives. i have read of quite a few divorcing or separating after wls. i dont know what to say in terms of direct advice, but i will tell you if things dont change it will eat you alive. i mean it. you cant run to food like you did before if someone said or did something that upsets you, or when you are stressed etc. now's the time to deal with this head on.
i wish you the wisdom and strength to decide what is best for you. hang in there.
__________________  KenyaR.  Lap RNY 4/19/07
Last edited by Kenyar; 08-01-2009 at 02:23 PM.
Reason: typos UGH!
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08-01-2009, 02:13 PM
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#5 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Floyd County Virginia
Posts: 9,219
Weight Statistics September 19th 2007 Start Date:
September 19th 2007 Surgery Date:
5' 10"
Height:
363 lb Start Weight:
170 lb Current Weight:
170 lb Goal Weight:
193 lb Weight Loss:
53.1680440771 % % Lost:
12/31/09 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index52.0793877551 BMI Start:
24.3897959184 BMI Current:
24.3897959184 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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Kenya you had the best advice ever and put it right in perspective. Those things we always delt with with food we have to learn to deal with them now. We can no longer run. It will make you stronger. I promise..
__________________ Remember Tough times never last Tough people do... This Ribbon is for our Lady Lisa and all the women that fight this ugly disease. RIP Jerry my friend
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08-01-2009, 02:18 PM
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#6 (permalink)
| | WLS Master Guru
Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Birmingham, England
Posts: 830
Weight Statistics Oct 2008 Start Date:
30th January 2009 Surgery Date:
5' 5"
Height:
351 lb Start Weight:
166 lb Current Weight:
168 lb Goal Weight:
185 lb Weight Loss:
-2 lb Lb Left to Lose:
52.7065527066 % % Lost:
Body Mass Index58.4030769231 BMI Start:
27.6208284024 BMI Current:
27.9536094675 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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Andrea I am so sorry to hear about you marriage problems, this WLS is enough to deal with without the added pressure that you are going through, all I can do is hope and pray for you honey, keep your chin up
__________________ " THE BEST IS YET TO COME !!!" Keep Within the Boundaries, make the Changes for life and then enjoy the Healthier YOU!!! Love and HUGS Angie xx  | |
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08-01-2009, 02:43 PM
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#7 (permalink)
| | Guru In Training
Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Swedesboro, New Jersey
Posts: 288
Weight Statistics oct 21,2008 Surgery Date:
5' 4"
Height:
278 lb Start Weight:
159 lb Current Weight:
150 lb Goal Weight:
119 lb Weight Loss:
9 lb Lb Left to Lose:
42.8057553957 % % Lost:
2010 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index47.7133789062 BMI Start:
27.2893066406 BMI Current:
25.7446289062 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodAitkens
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i am sorry you are going through these problems i agree with kenya and i hope all works out for you god bless you and i will pray for you
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08-01-2009, 04:31 PM
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#8 (permalink)
| | Big Loser
Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Oregon
Posts: 128
Weight Statistics December 14, 2008 Start Date:
February 4th, 2009 Surgery Date:
5' 2"
Height:
241 lb Start Weight:
173 lb Current Weight:
135 lb Goal Weight:
68 lb Weight Loss:
38 lb Lb Left to Lose:
28.2157676349 % % Lost:
Body Mass Index44.0746618106 BMI Start:
31.6386576483 BMI Current:
24.6891259105 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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awwwwhhh thanks everyone for the support..it might be the internet, but it really is nice to have some kind of support system right now..I really need it! Kenya, I think your right...If I dont hit this head on now, I will continue to turn to food for comfort, as ive always done in the past. I think I deserve to be happy & if that means getting a divorce & moving on w/my life, then its something I must do for myself. I think I already knew the answer, but Ive never gone through this before & really appreciate everyone's thoughts & advise. If its something I learned from the death of my first husband, its that life is just too short not to be happy. He told me he wanted me to marry again someday. I think i owe it to myself to be happy & feel loved. Thanks again everyone for your love & support...
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08-01-2009, 04:36 PM
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#9 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Mississippi
Posts: 4,904
Weight Statistics 3/18/2008 (dieted all my life) Start Date:
9/30/2008 Surgery Date:
5' 8"
Height:
292 lb Start Weight:
192 lb Current Weight:
189 lb Goal Weight:
100 lb Weight Loss:
3 lb Lb Left to Lose:
34.2465753425 % % Lost:
2 years Goal Date:
Body Mass Index44.3935986159 BMI Start:
29.1903114187 BMI Current:
28.7342128028 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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I agree with kenyar and all the above very good advice. You do deserve to be happy and only you can make this decision. Do what will make you happy. Life will be so much better for you now. Live girl live and be happy. I wish you luck with this. (((hugs))) dixie
__________________   Love to Share , Health to Spare, and Friends that Care!
23 pounds lost before surgery.
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08-01-2009, 09:01 PM
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#10 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Tampa, FL
Posts: 3,605
Weight Statistics July 10, 2007 Surgery Date:
5' 6"
Height:
271 lb Start Weight:
175 lb Current Weight:
182 lb Goal Weight:
96 lb Weight Loss:
-7 lb Lb Left to Lose:
35.4243542435 % % Lost:
Body Mass Index43.7357667585 BMI Start:
28.2426538108 BMI Current:
29.3723599633 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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We never really know how WLS will affect our significant others ~ I knew going in that there is a significant increase in divorce/separation with WLS, I think it's because once we lose weight, we begin to get an increased sense of self esteem and self confidence and if our relationships are strong and supportive WLS seems to magnify that; if our relationships are unhealthy, abusive or neglectful, the changes we go thru with WLS affect our ability to see that we deserve to be treated better and gives us the confidence to pursue a better life ~ whatever that means to you.
I know this is a tough time ~ hugs ~ wishing you the best~~~
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