[Rondakay]

I am so mad I could Spit. I consider my self a nice person a giving person. I am not saying I do not have my faults but I try to do unto others as I would have them do unto me. Now I love my family and I will defend them if I see they are getting hurt or stomped on but I have HAD IT WITH MY SISTER!!!!!

My sister is 11 years older then me, her and my mom are almost like two peas in a pod and my dad and are the same. We are both adopted children and we could not be more different. When I was younger we were pretty close but now she would not know if I dropped dead! She feels she is perfect and I am white trash. I do not have the money she has or the clothes or the cars but I do have a loving husband and others who care for me. She only calls me when she wants something or needs me to do something for her but if I need her I am not alive. Just recently she called me because she needed me to take care of my Nephew while her and my brother in law and Niece go to dance camp. I said yes because I love him and wanted to spend time with him. She was all nice to me because I helped her but I have not heard from her since. I never know anything that happens to her or the kids unless they tell me. I think she goes around pretending I do not exist. I DO EXIST!!! I AM APART OF THIS FAMILY THEY ARE MY PARENTS TOO!!! So now this was the last straw today is my moms birthday and I said were we going to do anything tonight or this weekend my mom says oh Nancy took us out last night. I said what oh yea it was a last minute thing (LAST MINUTE THING MY FAT BUTT) my mom goes I thought she would have called you well she did not. She has become a pain in my heart. I just do not know what to do anymore I keep trying and she pushes me farther away. I am at the end of my rope. I told her just recently that one day our parents will be gone and it will be me and her and we should try to get along and love each other never got a response. I am always nice to her I always do for her. I show her and her kids respect I have said I am sorry so many times for all my short comings and mistakes I have made in the past. She has made mistakes but I have never called her on it I do not tell everyone her dirty laundry like she does mine. I feel lost in this and very sad in this. I think at times I need to just do stuff with my parents separately but I do not want to do that because we are a family. The sad thing is if some of the people knew her really knew her they would be surprised. She works for a christen organization but I do not think she is following God because this is not how God would want us to treat each other. I still will pray for her and me but I do not want to be near her I just get hurt and I can only get hurt so much.

Thanks for listening

[dixieladybug]

Oh I am so sorry that you have to go though this. I can really relate to you on this one. I have only one sister. I am two years older but I grew up feeling that I was so beneath her in every way. She was always the beautiful, built well, neat and always got everything in school. I was always the fat one with the good personality or so I was always told. lol Even when we grew up she was always the skinny one with all the money and possessions, me the overweight one that struggled to just get buy. Let me tell you the funny thing... now she has gained so much weight and I have lost weight and it is killing her. Her marriage is not going so well and my marriage is great, I could not be happier. I love my sister very but she has always had the whollier then tho outlook on life. I am taller than she is and weigh 10 pounds less l am so happy. I know that sounds bad but that is just the way it is. Just know that you are not alone in the way you feel.

[Queenofthenile]

I am so sorry you are going through this with your sister. I have learned through eperience with family members that you're never going to please everyone and sometimes it is better to just keep your distance but still be cordial. I hope it gets better (((HUGS)))

[gailsiz]

I have family members very similar to your sister. Just because she is family and you love her, you do not have to like her or put up with her disrespect of you and your feelings. I have just backed away from the family members I dislike and went on with my life. I decided I do not need to be around negative people like that. Life in general has enough negativity in it and I want positive people with positive feelings around me. Now that doesn't mean I don't love my family and want good things for them - I just don't need to be around them when they act the way they do - I would not accept that crap from others - I won't take it from family - so love them from a safe distance and protect yourself.

[Rondakay]

Originally Posted by dixieladybug

Oh I am so sorry that you have to go though this. I can really relate to you on this one. I have only one sister. I am two years older but I grew up feeling that I was so beneath her in every way. She was always the beautiful, built well, neat and always got everything in school. I was always the fat one with the good personality or so I was always told. lol Even when we grew up she was always the skinny one with all the money and possessions, me the overweight one that struggled to just get buy. Let me tell you the funny thing... now she has gained so much weight and I have lost weight and it is killing her. Her marriage is not going so well and my marriage is great, I could not be happier. I love my sister very but she has always had the whollier then tho outlook on life. I am taller than she is and weigh 10 pounds less l am so happy. I know that sounds bad but that is just the way it is. Just know that you are not alone in the way you feel.

See my sister was the popular one with all the friends Head officer in dance team all that well when I have my surgery and get thin she will still be fat and unhappy.

[Ebonidoll]

Ok.... i can relate to what you are saying in terms of your sister being mean to you and whatnot.. But my question is? Why isn't mom putting her foot down? and telling you 2 that you need to get along. (i know you are adults and you should know better or better yet your sister should know better). but, sometimes.. sometimes hearing the phrase "stop acting like a jackass to your sister" helps. But, i believe the solution is... Don't treat you sister the way the treats you... you be the better person (as you have been) but keep a distance.. but tell her how you feel and why you feel that way and call it a day. Don't disown the child.. but treat her with a long handled spoon because you better believe she will be needing you real soon.

"It's all a process"

[Perfesser]

Please don't take this wrong, but it's clear from what you have said of your relationship who's the cowboy and who's the cow. She is most definitely in charge and uses all her tricks and techniques to totally control you while admitting nothing but joy and sunshine on herself. Such people are vexations to the spirit. The age differential makes it real unlikely that anything will change barring some life-changing event for her.

My sister is two years older than me. She was the smart one, popular, loved by teachers and students alike. Class officer, full-ride 4-year scholarship, yadda, yadda, yadda ... I grew up in her shadow. She is ALWAYS right in every opinion she has ever held, and doesn't feel shy about telling you how wrong you are. I was the slow-blooming plodder in her wake.

She may have more brains than I do, but I've done a whole lot more with mine than she ever will. She gave up her scholarship because college was boring and went off to traipse around Europe with her boyfriend for a few years. I went to school and got my first degree, then worked odd jobs for a couple of years until I found out my draft number was 12, so I enlisted. It was during Viet Nam and, as you might expect, my war-protesting sister did say some hurtful things about my new occupation. (She will never be a diplomat!!)

She and her husband took the road to riches, and are both now retired. I took the road my heart led me and now I'm a professor, a long way from retirement, but enjoying life completely. She just got back from a month-long whale-watching cruise in the Gulf of Alaska on their yacht, which she left to fly off to Italy for a mandolin conference. Her husband is still out on the boat, but when he gets back they're taking their motorhome on a three-month vacation of the warmer parts of the US. I go to work every day here in Minnesota and will be seeing some of the power of winter every day on my commute.

Got the picture?

There is no way in this life or the next (she says I'm such a weak-minded fool to even mention such a possibility, and don't do it around her!!) that I would consider trading places with her. For all her money and toys, I do not believe she understands what the word "happiness" means, as opposed to "satisfied" or "contented". We're just getting by, but Peanut and I are much happier than my sister can comprehend.

Sounds like you have little problem staying off her radar. Yes, you're family. That obviously has a different meaning to her than you. If you try to apply your standards of civilized conduct to her, she won't fit them. She is using a different definition of life and her relationship to it than you are. You have no common foundation for communicating. She is living life according to her terms, not yours. Her terms appear to be considerably more self-centered than yours.

Accept it for what it is. You'll never be close. Until her life is completely upended and shattered, she will feel no reason to feel anything for you. But when the crash comes, as much as it may hurt her to face you, you may be the one to hold her together and show her what your definitions of "family" and "love" mean.

Until then, protect yourself however you can. Place less weight on what she thinks and more on your family and yourself. Help her if it works in with your plans, but don't cancel your trip to Disneyland to stay with her cat. Ever hear of "tough love"? It won't be easy for you, but being accessible to her is tearing you apart.

Protect yourself for your own sake and that of your family.

Good luck!!

CT

[inuit48]

I think a parto the problem is that you are always at her beck and call. The next several times she calls and asks for a favor be busy or not goinmg to be home or anyexcuse so as not top help her. She will appreciate you much more if you are not her doormat. When she calls say very nicely "You're calling me, what do you need from me this time?" She will get the message that you are aware that she calls you onmly when sha wants something.Believe me this will help. Nobody misses you until you are gone. So go (not literally but distance yourself for a little while) Same goes for your parents. Absence make the heart grow fonder.

[Brandy F]

Wow...everyone gave such good advice I forgot what I was even going to say..lol
All I can say is do not change who you are to show face.
Don't hold grudge, that is too heavy for anyone to bear and it will only keep you down and miserable.
Don't judge her cause remember when you are pointing a finger you have 3 pointing back at you.
Also as everyone has said don't always be there for her to use you up.
If you feel taken advantage of then stop.
People can only do what we allow them to do to us..ya know.
And last and most important in my opinion is to keep your mind clear and in peace. Whenever you have negative thoughts about her get them out of your mind. Focus only on possitive stuff and don't I repeat DON"T talk about it to your husband all the time. You will only make yourself sound bitter and you will be filling him with negativity and bitterness as well.
Keep it possitive and you and your family can and will be happy focusing on more important things.
Wish you the best. Big hugs!

[naykrin]

I am not even going to talk about my relationship with my brother.

I had to make a decision between my peace of mind and happiness or the hell and drama that he caused me. I chose me.

I still have a great relationship with my niece, but we never speak of her dad. She doesn't care and can't stand him.

Ah well.

I say distance yourself. Say "no". Be "busy". If you mom brings anything up just go "oh really? That's nice/I didn't know!/I really don't have time right now as I am ____," etc.

Be nice but not too nice.

Get where I am going with this?