  | 
09-27-2009, 11:53 PM
|
#1 (permalink)
| | Whipper Snapper
Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Florida
Posts: 14
Weight Statistics Oct. 21, 2009 Surgery Date:
5' 2"
Height:
248 lb Start Weight:
140 lb Current Weight:
130 lb Goal Weight:
108 lb Weight Loss:
10 lb Lb Left to Lose:
43.5483870968 % % Lost:
October 31,2010 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index45.3548387097 BMI Start:
25.6035379813 BMI Current:
23.7747138398 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
 |  Confused
Hello, I am gonna get a little personal here and hope that I can get some advice. My surgery date is coming up quick. Oct 21 is when I'm scheduled. The problem is that my boyfriend of 15 years in the last month has turned into a ranting lunatic at times. He has a history of emotional problems years ago which at the time chemical abuse and alcohol had a lot to do with. He has been so great for the last nine years and our relationship has grown sooo strong. We have a daughter and everything in common. Problem is lately he has been drinking just 2 to 4 beers everyday and being a jerk a lot lately. This is not like him. He's saying he is depressed and mad at himself for not being more or making more money or everything negative instead of counting his blessings (and he has soooo many). My nerves have been very on edge for the last month because of these new mood swings and behaviors. I am trying to prepare mentally and physically for surgery and lately all I think of doing is rescheduling for a later date because I am afraid I will not be able to deal with the surgery and this issue too. However with the way jobs are these days and insurance I am afraid I will mess up and not be able to have the surgery at all. I am soooo confused. Any words of encouragement welcome. I do not want to walk away from this man if I don't have to. Has anyone else dealt with this?
__________________  | 
|  |  | Weight Loss Surgery Insurance | | | |
|
| |
09-28-2009, 03:44 AM
|
#2 (permalink)
| | Guru In Training
Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Ramstein Air Base Germany
Posts: 285
Weight Statistics February 17, 2009 Start Date:
February 17, 2009 Surgery Date:
5' 9"
Height:
297 lb Start Weight:
195 lb Current Weight:
160 lb Goal Weight:
102 lb Weight Loss:
35 lb Lb Left to Lose:
34.3434343434 % % Lost:
Yesterday, but realistically, when my body is ready! Goal Date:
Body Mass Index43.854442344 BMI Start:
28.7933207309 BMI Current:
23.6252888049 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
|
I'm sorry you are having these problems! You cannot solve an alcoholic's problems for them. You are in the middle of this crisis and perhaps Al-anon might be of help? It sounds like a very difficult situation to be in, especially with all the preparation you have to make for your surgery! Please take care of yourself and your daughter!
__________________  
Be patient with yourself. This has been a long time coming and important things cannot be rushed. Every day is a discovery... of who you were, who you are now, and who you were truly meant to be. Enjoy each moment as it comes...
 | |
| | |
09-28-2009, 04:56 AM
|
#3 (permalink)
| | Super Moderator
Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Tokyo, Japan
Posts: 23,794
5' 5"
Height:
|
Your partner's behavior may in part be due to fear of what may come after your surgery--he is afraid that something may go worng with the surgery and lose you, or that you will change as you lose weight and reject him. This is a quite common reaction of partners, and everyone has gone through it to some degree--some only a little but still, which in working to work it out, made the partnership stronger, while with others, it got bad enough that it broke up that partnership. You will see both cases on this board.
Try to talk it out rationally with him, have couple counselings if the situation seems to call for it.
((((HUGS)))) Hang in there.
| |
| | |
09-28-2009, 08:23 AM
|
#4 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Central Virginia
Posts: 2,835
Weight Statistics 4/30/2007 Start Date:
9/5/07 Surgery Date:
5' 4"
Height:
233 lb Start Weight:
127 lb Current Weight:
135 lb Goal Weight:
106 lb Weight Loss:
-8 lb Lb Left to Lose:
45.4935622318 % % Lost:
Nov 2008 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index39.9899902344 BMI Start:
21.7971191406 BMI Current:
23.1701660156 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
|
Just as you are preparing yourself menatally for surgery, he ALSO is going through a mental adjustment. He's feeling a lot of stress and fear and is acting out. You both need to look at your relationship and discuss where you expect to be after this surgery.
If he is using bad behavior to get you to back off of the surgery thein you would be foolish to give in. Many of us seem to end up in relationships where the partner is controlling, this might be your situation? If so, then he's afraid he's going to lose control over you once you get thinner and more confident.
Lots and lots of mental issues with this surgery! My best advice it to let him know that you are going to go through this, with or without him, and that you sure hope it's with him because you need him. Let him know that you aren't doing this to get skinny and find someone else, but to make you healthier so the two of you can have a future.
__________________
Highest 233, Lowest 122, Current 127
| |
| | |
09-28-2009, 08:36 AM
|
#5 (permalink)
| | WLS Guru
Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 396
Weight Statistics 01/01/09 Start Date:
07/06/09 Surgery Date:
5' 7"
Height:
332 lb Start Weight:
149 lb Current Weight:
160 lb Goal Weight:
183 lb Weight Loss:
-11 lb Lb Left to Lose:
55.1204819277 % % Lost:
No goal date Goal Date:
Body Mass Index51.9928714636 BMI Start:
23.3341501448 BMI Current:
25.0568055246 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
|
I hope this does not come off as rude....but.......STOP TAKING CARE OF EVERYONE ELSE ANS PUT YOURSELF FIRST FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE!
The relationship will be what it is with of without the surgery! You will also stay the same if you put off the surgery. Sometimes you have to take the leap and just know you are doing the right thing.
Best of luck to you!
__________________  | |
| | |
09-28-2009, 10:57 AM
|
#6 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Floyd County Virginia
Posts: 9,219
Weight Statistics September 19th 2007 Start Date:
September 19th 2007 Surgery Date:
5' 10"
Height:
363 lb Start Weight:
170 lb Current Weight:
170 lb Goal Weight:
193 lb Weight Loss:
53.1680440771 % % Lost:
12/31/09 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index52.0793877551 BMI Start:
24.3897959184 BMI Current:
24.3897959184 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
|
The last thing you want to do is postpone this. The way times are right now.... its hard on the job thing and many people think about what he is now. Has he went to any of the Drs appoitments with you and heard it for himself from somone else how this works. I hope he will straighten up soon. I agree with Doc on this. We have seen it many times before. They are litterly scared.
__________________ Remember Tough times never last Tough people do... This Ribbon is for our Lady Lisa and all the women that fight this ugly disease. RIP Jerry my friend
| |
| | |
09-28-2009, 11:11 AM
|
#7 (permalink)
| | WLS Master Guru
Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Big Sky Country~Montana
Posts: 873
Weight Statistics Sept 2008 Start Date:
Oct 13, 2008 Surgery Date:
5' 7"
Height:
450 lb Start Weight:
306 lb Current Weight:
180 lb Goal Weight:
144 lb Weight Loss:
126 lb Lb Left to Lose:
32 % % Lost:
in late 2010 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index70.472265538 BMI Start:
47.9211405658 BMI Current:
28.1889062152 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
|
you got alot of good things to ponder on from others, I will just say that my prayers are with you and I hope it all gets sorted out for the best.
__________________ RC  Make a difference!
Attitudes are contagious... is yours worth catching?
my website | |
| | |
10-01-2009, 04:13 PM
|
#8 (permalink)
| | Whipper Snapper
Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Ohio
Posts: 20
Weight Statistics February 2009 Start Date:
October 8, 2009 Surgery Date:
5' 7"
Height:
343 lb Start Weight:
259 lb Current Weight:
130 lb Goal Weight:
84 lb Weight Loss:
129 lb Lb Left to Lose:
24.4897959184 % % Lost:
2010 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index53.7155268434 BMI Start:
40.560703943 BMI Current:
20.3586544888 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
| You have to do this....
My husband was the same way and for 13 years I put myself on the back burner and where did it get me? It got me into surgery that's where. We have to stop allowing the people in our lives that have other issues and dependencies to control us. You have to do this for yourself and you will see that once you begin doing things for you, you are going to have different feelings towards him. I put up with alot of abuse from my husband until he finally got himself some help and until I decided that I was more important to myself than he was. Please do this for you. Make other arrangments for your children so that you don't have to depend on him and do not allow his outbursts and drinking to deter you from your surgery. Best of luck to you
__________________  | |
| | |
10-01-2009, 06:01 PM
|
#9 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: May 2008 Location: Just north of Iowa, not far from I-35. 2nd star on the right and straight on 'til morning!
Posts: 8,212
Weight Statistics December 13, 2007 (pre-op liquid diet started) Start Date:
December 27, 2007 Surgery Date:
5' 9"
Height:
280 lb Start Weight:
172 lb Current Weight:
184 lb Goal Weight:
108 lb Weight Loss:
-12 lb Lb Left to Lose:
38.5714285714 % % Lost:
Originally - 12/08. Actually - 8/08. Goal Date:
Body Mass Index41.3442554085 BMI Start:
25.3971854652 BMI Current:
27.1690821256 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
|
This is not about him, this is about you. If not now, then when? If he is doing this as a control technique, he may not even be aware he's doing it, but if you surrender, he wins and is rewarded for his behavior. Think next time will be any easier?
This is about getting healthy. How much time more are you willing to wait to have the benefits of better health in your life? Stand firm. Lovingly explain the facts of life to him if he'll listen, but make it clear that this is not a negotiation. There can be no compromise. If you delay it, you'll go through the same thing later. Either you have it, or you don't. If you don't because of him, how much resentment will you harbor and bottle up inside waiting for the wrong time to explode?
Do it! You've come too far to turn back, and there is no good reason to do so anyway.
$0.02. (Hope you got your money's worth!!  )
CT
__________________ da perfesser
*******************
Dare to live your dream!!
If you want to be healthy for life, do for life the things that get you healthy!! Living healthy takes work. Dying fat is easy!! "That which we persist in doing becomes easier, not that the nature of the task has changed, but that our capacity to do has increased." - HJ Grant
"Do, or do not. There is no try!" - Yoda
| |
| | |
10-01-2009, 06:21 PM
|
#10 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Mississippi
Posts: 4,904
Weight Statistics 3/18/2008 (dieted all my life) Start Date:
9/30/2008 Surgery Date:
5' 8"
Height:
292 lb Start Weight:
192 lb Current Weight:
189 lb Goal Weight:
100 lb Weight Loss:
3 lb Lb Left to Lose:
34.2465753425 % % Lost:
2 years Goal Date:
Body Mass Index44.3935986159 BMI Start:
29.1903114187 BMI Current:
28.7342128028 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
|
We havent heard from you much since the post. I hope that you are getting ready for your surgery. Good luck to you on your life changing journey. It is so worth what you have to go through to get it. Let us hear from you what ever you decide to do.
__________________   Love to Share , Health to Spare, and Friends that Care!
23 pounds lost before surgery.
| |
| | | Thread Tools | | | | Display Modes |  Linear Mode | 
Posting Rules
| You may not post new threads You may not post replies You may not post attachments You may not edit your posts
HTML code is Off
| | | | |
So long as you are putting your best foot forward, then, 
