[Tigerfly]

I come from a fat family - it's true... I was one of the smallest females in my extended family and I was 388 lbs!! The majority of my 21 cousins are all morbidly obese, we always were... We grew up together fat, we got married together fat, we had children together fat, we buried our grandparents fat, we even buried some of our parents fat...

Now in the last three years 4 of us have had WLS surgery, my two brothers, myself and one of my female cousins. My brothers and my cousin are at their goal weights and I am almost 1/2 way there.

Every year we have a massive Christmas party. We rent a hall and all of my Aunts, Uncles and 21 cousins, their spouses, their children and their childrens' children get together to celebrate Christmas and the memory of our grandparents who had such a positive influence on all of our lives.

I have the pleasure of planning this party - mostly because I enjoy party planning but in a small part because I don't ever want this tradition to die. I am having mixed emotions this year though... and I am not sure how to deal with them.

I remember being uncomfortable around my brothers and cousins after they had WLS... being jealous... wishing it were me. Now this year when I will reasonably be down 100lbs by the party - I am trying to figure out how to make sure that I ease the pain for the others... I have tried to figure out if my brothers or my cousin "did anything" that made me feel uncomfortable, I don't believe that they did. They simply walked around proud of their accomplishments as they should!

Does anyone else have this feeling? I am not sure I know how to connect with my cousins now, being fat has always been our strongest bond! It's true!! The few "skinny" cousins I have were never part of the family "click"...

I know that at least 3 of my cousins have contemplated WLS and I have tried to encourage them along the way - but it doesn't seem like they are biting... Although one did try but was denied by insurance... I Can't imagine why! She is 5' 4" and nearly 500lbs. I feel bad for her, she really needs help.

Done rambling... I hope I got my point across... my real issue I guess is while I was jealous before, now I feel guilty that I have had the surgery and they are still struggling with morbid obesity.

[RC59105]

Hey Tig don't let that guilt steal your joy!
I hear what you are saying, I have experienced similar emotions for almost the same reasons.
You can be a great influence on those family members and you should feel really good about that. Maybe you will be the start of a new generation in your family who will be healthier!

Holidays........ our family tradition/excuse to eat ALOT, but I am hoping by now I have learned to prepare healthier foods for the gatherings, not only for myself but for those I love.
You might not feel like you have the same bond with many in your family but I think personally its great to break away from what made that old bond and create some new bonding for new reasons.
Just think of the influence you could have on those others without even trying, just by your success alone, its awesome! Don't feel guilty just look at it from a new perspective is all.
I hope you have great family gatherings this holiday season and that someone somehow lets you know how wonderful you are to them.

[Tigerfly]

I know you are right. I just can imagine it... being overweight has been such a big part of our family legacy.

[Perfesser]

Have you discussed your feelings with the other 3 WLS successes? Together you may come up with a better understanding of how you relate to the others, and how you can lovingly and positively influence them without being totally insufferable about it. You 4 have the chance to be a remarkable example of what is possible, and those who are wavering might possibly be pushed over the edge of commitment seeing another one (you) added to the list.

Good luck!

CT