[Nicenfrank]

Hello. My apologies since I'm EXTREMELY new to posting in general. Anyway, I could really use some guidance. My fiance is 5 weeks post-op (bypass) and she is frustating me, despite my tremendous efforts to be her biggest supporter. I was under the impression that she should be measuring the quantities of her meals and be calculating the protein in them. She is not. I assumed that because she is using a baby spoon to eat she should eat VERY slowly and savor every last bit of what she is ingesting. She finishes her "meals" in five minutes. I know she is supposed to be walking and working into exercise, but she doesn't even do the 15 minutes per day and usually lies around in bed most of the day. (She IS ambulatory.) I hold her, hug her, love her, kiss her, and encourage and support her, and then she goes off and seeks solace in her old friend: cigarettes. She is depressed and seeking counselling, but she even admits that she really doesn't do much talking in the sessions. When she does actually open up to ME, she complains about how slowly the weight is being lost, how she is hungry, how she regrets having "done this to my body", etc. I know I have the answers to the "why" of these complaints, but she won't hear it from me. I try and point out all of the positive aspects of things, but she keeps gravitating towards all of the negative. I know this is a hard time for her, but its really taking a toll on me, too. What can I do? Can anybody out there that is post-op reply to confirm or deny my assumptions and thoughts? Maybe if she gets advice IN WRITING -- specifically addressed to her -- from those ACTUALLY in the know, it could help. Thanks so much for any and all assistance!

[fr1endly2]

NICENFRANK!!!!

first off im glad your reaching out for help here in the forums for your fiance.

RIGHT now 5 weeks post op our fiance is adjusting. I never weighed or measured my food. AND that early out it is still very difficult to get in the required protein amounts. I will also be the first to admit I always ate fast and never truly measured my food. I also was only cleared to walk the first 3 months post op. I didnt do alot of walking in that time expecially
5 weeks out i would fatigue easily. IT really sounds like your fiance is doing everything right for now. EVEN though they feel fine, there is still alot of internal healing going on in the body. AS far as depression. ITS very normal to go thru the blues. THIS early out there is a greiving for looseing a persons "COMFORT" or "BEST FRIEND" food and thats probably what your seeing right now in the blues. I know for me i personally didnt understand all the blues. I figure i would have been so happy having lost huge amounts of weight but i had some down moments during my rapid weight loss moments.

As far as looseing slowly...first off at the point your fiancee is at the 5 week mark is the bodies first little stall or plataue. THE body is catching up to all its under gone. We all loose at different rates but in the end were all successful loosers. JUSt continue to be a careing supportive person and im sure your fiance will do well on this journey.
THIS is not an easy way out. THE surgery is only tool and takes alot of getting used to. I know for my husband he went thru a phase being he lost his eating partner and he needed to adjust. BUT a year and half later and down 143 lbs i am so happy and healthy!
HANG in there!
AND feel free to come here to vent anything! THIS is a great place for support for anyone !

((HUG)))
and i hope i have helped in some of the areas you mentioned in your
post.
SOUNDS very normal to me and i can imagine how furstrating its been for you.

[DocSanae]

Welcome to the board, Nicenfrank, thank you for joining us.
What a wonderful man you are, being there all the way for your fiancee.

Check out the Pouch Rules-Long thread that LittleLisaMarie put up. (Just click on the words in blue and it will bring the thread up, I have linked it for you.) I think this will give you a good idea of what there is to this surgery.
For now, it must be frustrating for you to know what needs to be done, but not being able to do anything yourself. Rather like a parent having to watch the kid study for an exam but not doing it wholeheartedly, and you knowing the kid can get bad marks for it, and neither can you take the exam for the kid.
Your patience will be tested every step of the way, just as your fiancee's patience is being tested now. Hang in there, be strong and supportive for her, I think you are doing fine by just wanting to support her.
However, whatever she does, the final choice is up to her, so you'll have to let her make the final decisions. Just let her know you are there for her, no matter what. I think, as a supporter, that's the most important thing.

((((((((HUGS)))))))) May hers and your journey go well.

P.S. I have moved your post to the Family and Loved ones forum, a place for supporters all around, and given you an independent thread. I am sure you will get lots more input from our members here.

[Pillows]

I am proud of you for taking the initiative to post on here and reach out for help. I think that Lisa was pretty on, but know that some experiences are different than others. I understand your concern and hope that this doesn't affect your relationship too badly and thatyou can grow together through it. Big huggs and best wishes for a good recovery and improvements.
Janae

[mike]

First of all, WELCOME, and thanks for bringin your questions here. I have to agree with the girls. In the beginning, it is difficult. I never started to walk until about my fifth week out. I was too sore. YES, she should be starting to walk a little, I think. I think it gets a little stressful for both spouses for a while. I had to learn that I had a family that could eat normal food and more of it at once, while I had to sit back and watch. YES, they could eat faster than I as well. My own personal thought on the fast eating though, is it isn't good. That is one thing the doctors and dieticians preach. EAT SLOWLY AND ENJOY YOUR FOOD. You are a very good guy though, for giving her support. HEAVEN KNOWS, I needed alot of it in the beginning. Watching the family eat whatever they wanted killed me in the beginning. NOW, I wouldn't change my new way of life for noone. STAY STRONG THERE FRANK. In the end, it boils down to the fact that in your other half's case, whatever choices she makes are hers to make. We all have to know that the choices we make in our lives, we are reliable for. She has to realize that someday. Give her a little time Frank, to accept her new way of eating, and hopefully, with her knowing you are there for her with whatever she needs, that will be enough for her to get on the right track. Again, thanks for coming onto the boards with this. We all will do our best to help you out as well as her.
mike

[Lynne]

It sounds like you and I were in just about the same boat. My husband is a little further out, he had his done on Dec. 11th. I did the cooking, so I did weigh out the food, I also only eat what he is allowed to eat around him, and that is all we have in the house. He would sit and tell me how hungry he was, and I would look at him and say, no your stomach is the size of your thumb, you are not physicaly hungry, you are board, so your brain is telling you you are hungry. We then descovered that hot tea was a big help, it made him feel full, you can get the decalf in all kinds of flavors, and use the splenda to make it sweet. As far as her eating to fast, one day it will get her, and she will get sick, because she will eat to much to fast, I told my husband to slow down hundreds of times, and he did after he got sick. Sometimes they just have to learn the hard way. As far as walking, I know my husbands knees hurt, so his Dr. suggested walking in the pool, it works great, the water takes most of the weight off. He is doing great now he has lost 84Lbs, I have lost about 22, something wrong here.lol He just had to get past missing the food, he will see something on tv and say oh I wish I could have that, and I say thats poision you don't want it, and now he says I know, he used to say oh yes I do. anyway there is hope just hang in, support do it with her walk with her, even if its to the mail box and back. She is going to be fine, she wants this or she would not have had it done, she is just going over one of those little bumps in the road. Ya know your life together is going to be full of them. Next time it may be you that hits one, but I bet she is right there for you.