[conniejean]

Can any tell me if they have had this problem with family and friends and what or how they deal with it.
For the most part my family and friends have been great with me thru all this , they were all for me going thru the opperation almost 2 years ago, they knew my struggles with health issues due to overweight, and wanted the best for me , however they were all worried about me loosing to much weight, my mother was on the fence with it all, she wanted me to be healthier and happier, but at the same time she looked at the operation as crulety to the body, starvation, and she thought it would lead to the other end of the eatting dissorder scale for me, she is overweight and unhealthy and really wants to do it as well but is scared of it very much .
my Husband is my biggest problem at this time, ok let me go back to 6 months after my opperation I got down to 138 pounds, only 6 pound from my goal weight and he would tell me I didint need to go to my goal weight that I was starting to look bony, and sick. as did my kids and there friends and my mom and dad. now mind you being told I look bony, this was foreing to me never herd that in my life and was not sure i liked it, at that point people would look at me like I was a cancer patient, or like I had a third eye, I on the other hand felt like I was 20 again, hmmmm ok well maybe 30 lol, the only thing I was having trouble dealing with was my hair loose but other than that I liked how I felt and look and was having a great time in this place, but the more they would give me this negative talk the more I started to see it there way when I looked at myselfe, and than of course i started to worry they were right, so I thought maybe 10 pounds on would look better for me and people would not think im sick and I would hear postive talk , well it wasint hard to get 10 pounds on and of course I went thru other emtional and personal issue's right back to back of this negative talk issue and about 11 months out of opperation it seemed to go slowy down hill , my high of the new me didint seem to last as long as I would of liked it, I dont think I enjoyed it as well as I would have liked to. now im back in the overweight section of my BMI again , not by much but still i said i would never go there again. and this morning I told my husband, and told him I had 28 pounds to loose , i was simply trying to tell him that i wasint looking at the 28 pounds in a bad way that i was looking at it like , over 2 years agao I had over 100 pounds to loose on my own with out the pouch tool, now only 28 pounds with my new pouch , a little retraining and I can do it, OMG he went off on me, he got loud and said no you are not loosing that much I dont want you to go down that much I told you you looked bad that skinny, I dont want to listen to him now, he will cause me to doubt my selfe , ill continue to overeat because of this I know I will, but I also dont want him to not be attracted to me when I am at the weight im happy with but he is not, what to do??

[decker1976]

Nope, I haven't had that problem as I told no one but my husband about my WLS.

[MsVickie]

The BMI your at right now is a healthy one. I think you will find that Doc will tell you that. I know it just barely puts you in what they call the overweight side but its just barely. We forget to put our age in account also. You also know there is a good 20 pound or more index for average.

Honey im barley on the side of average for a body my size however im very larged boned and my PCP yells at me if I dip below 165. That seems huge to alot of people but im tall and lke I said big boned. Its gonna be up to you. How do you actually physically feel right now not looking at the weight?

This is why anyone that comes in here starting this process up I tell them to sit a realistic goal. Sure we were all young teens once and the fun twentys but we pass that stage. Our bodys pass it also. THe weight I started at my surgeon told me his goal for myself was 230. I hit that fast. HE said im happy I did my job and you did yours. You get down to a point where you dont feel good being smaller. I did and added a little back like my PCP requested. Good calorie foods however good choices not fat and sugar bad things. I feel better now for sure. Alot will tell you that.

Doc mentioned a while back that people seem to be healther a little above the BMI scale for average. Not alot but a little above just like yourself.

You have to make that decision yourself. and see how you feel honey. Let us know how it goes and im sure others will come on here and give you there experience with it. Are you sure its not the New Year making you think this? I mean we dont have a new diet to try anylonger. We have a new lifestyle. Im over 2 years out myself and this is what I think it is.

[BreeChick]

this is always a huge problem. Family wants you to lose weight, they get ugly about that and how you need to "just stop eating" etcs...then when we have this surgery a lot of people's families just go to the other end of the spectrum with their abuse..

and sorry to say it..that is what it is!..abusive. They will not be happy either way.

you did this surgery for YOU right? to get healthy to live longer, to be able to walk without getting out of breath in 1/2 a block, to look great???

I also have found that once we lose weight...a lot of women AND the men too who have had one of the surgeries..they find that their marriage was based on nothing supportive or loving.

Couples therapy should, in my opinion be part of the process so the spouse can learn how to accept their spouse's new body in a SUPPORTIVE way.

[DocSanae]

It's not really about a certain number. It's about what point is healthiest for you, and that will be different for each person.
You also need to remember that it isn't just you who haven't *seen* that weight in a long time, none or most of your family and friends have never seen you at that weight either, so your new size will seem alien to them as well. Also, contrary to a person who has been at say, 140 most of their adult life, if you lost 100lbs to get to 140, then you will look *haggard* for a while, because you have some loose skin hanging there, and things still haven't shifted, your muscles not yet strong enough, and your skin not shrinking at least some. It will probably take you a couple of years at a certain weight for your body to regain its balance after the rapid weight loss, and you look healthy again.
132 at your height will put your BMI at 21.9 where, the median of BMI is 22, and the normal range, 24.9-18.5. If you carried a lot of excess weight for a long time, then you don't necessarily need to hit 22. Probably 25 will be healthy and comfortable for your body. See how another 10lb loss will be for you, then, give another 5 a try, if you still think it's too much. Personally, I think 145-140 will sit better with you, but of course, what the final goal is for you to decide.

Negative attitudes are another thing, but there may be some fears and insecurities on your husband's part that needs to be resolved. His real issue may not be you striving for losing a bit more, but maybe control (over you) issues and such. You need to sort this out, and decide what you are willing to put up with, and what not. You need to put your foot firmly down to what not, decide if you want to lose control, or to give control over your life to someone else.
This is part of why this srugery and the post op life is as much, if not even more, a mental journey as well as a physical journey.

(((HUGS))) Hang in there.

[stylindi]

totally with you . I do believe its the "skin". No one looks fantastically healthy when everything is sagging. It starts at my eyelids and continues south. Instead of "OMG, you look awsome!", ppl say "OMG, youve lost more weight again". Dont say a word to your hubby about weight or food anymore, dont look to him for support in that area. You and your feelings come first.

[Perfesser]

When I first reached this weight, I had that "concentration camp chic" look, too. My body was totally unprepared to be this weight, and didn't know how to bring it off well. I have stayed at this weight for 17 months now, and my body has redistributed what's left of me in a more pleasing way. I don't have the massive hanging jowls in my face any more and the turkey neck has subsided quite a bit. Other areas have responded similarly.

For us, the concept of being "comfortable in our skin" takes on a whole new meaning!! If 140 seems a bit light, and 160 is too heavy for you, ask Goldilocks and she may say that 150 would be "just right".

I also agree with Di, cut out any discussion of the weight if that's a sore topic for him. Do what you need to and it'll sort itself out. He doesn't need the constant reminders if this is an area of insecurity for him. Meanwhile, do your thing as you think it should be done. You did this for you, not anyone else. (And there are a bunch of ways you can package this new body for him that may make him forget his worries!! )

CT

[luvRdogs]

Agree with everyone else! (I don't have to be smart on my own for this board, I just have to be smart enough to agree these other wise folk's advice!)
It does take time for the body to catch up with the weight loss..YOU know what weight you feel good, healthy and fit at. It just will take your skin awhile to catch up with the rest of you.
Feel free to vent anytime.
salli lou