[rolandthunder]

I have not even had the surgery yet and my wife is dring me nuts. Everytime that I look at food I either get a dirty look or a snide comment. On top of that she keeps buying or making stuff that I shouldnt and dont want to be eating.

She is not exactly little either and if I say anything to her she gets all mad. I keep telling her that this will be alot easier if we change the way we eat and exercise together. But she is fighting me every step of the way. At lunch the other day we were going to share some fries and she was chowing down like crazy. I got a little mad and said that she looked like a mother bear gaurding a fresh kill. Well she told me to get off my high horse. Its getting really old.

[DocSanae]

She may be having fears about the surgery itself, and insecurities about you losing your weight--that your relationship will change with your surgery and weight loss.

Have you had her come with you to your appointments with your surgeon and staff? Have you tried to included her in your process with the bariatric clinic? If her fears are about surgery itself, giving her the chance to ask her own questions to those who will have a hand in your care will help her a lot.

If she is jealous of you having surgery, or is afraid of losing you once you lose your weight, it might be a good idea to go for couples therapy, to help both of you with your relationship while you go through your phsycal change.

Remember, this is going to be as much, if not even more, a mental trip as it is a physical trip. This is going to be the same for your wife.

Don't just *tell* her about your surgery and process, *include* her every step of the way, and also have her understand that you are doing this because this is the only way you will be able to be with her for a long time to come.

Hope you can work this out.

[rolandthunder]

She has come to the Dr with me a few times. I have also found information online about the process and had her read it. She is a BSN she understands the medical part. I know she has a concern about me leaving her after I get skinny. I keep telling her that Im to old to start dating again. Not to mention the years we have already been together and the 3 girls under the age of 6. I think the thing that bothers her the most is that she will be heavier than me when it is all said and done. She is not big enough to need surgery. A little work and she would drop weight fast. I really want us to do this together and have told her that but she is fighting me.

[BreeChick]

It's a rough process this surgery journey on marriages!

Post op maybe you can do what some couples have done together. Make a walking plan for each day together, workout at least one time a week together. Make it a process that she IS included on.

Plus think about how many activities you do together that involve food. When you celebrate happy things do you go out to EAT? See where I'm going with this.

I can't remember who it was the other day on FB that shared about something great happening and so she celebrated with this looong bike ride. What an amazing change in how she celebrates things now without anything to do with food.

This is a very rough road as a couple to take. A lot of couples choose to take it together but the ones who cannot do it that way..well the ones really committed to keeping their marriage alive and intact through the journey get creative in doing the journey together.

In the end it will challenge what you have, but if you BOTH work hard it will be worth it for both of you!

[Thor]

Hey Roland I can totally relate. I am about four weeks post op and my wife has been very supportive with my decision to improve my health situation. Although I fear that some resentment might develop at some point if I drop the weight I plan to drop and she is heavier than I. I tried to get a feel if this (wls) might be something that she could consider for herself, she admits she would be healthier but the whole process scares the heck out of her....that I can understand. Like Bree suggests, include her in anything she is willing to do, smother her with kindness and never belittle her on any shortcomings she has with food choices. I look back and remember how much pizza or other food I could pack away and the feelings or how it made me feel reminds me of what she might be feeling. Take care and keep us posted on your new journey.......see you on the losers bench!
Thor

[DocSanae]

Since she isn't heavy enough to qualify for surgery, but is williing to try together to work through dietary change and exercise (since at least she says so), as others have said, try to tackle the post op lifestyle change together. The kind of foods good for you will be good for her as well. Eating slowly, chewing a lot, not drinking with meals, that will help her lose weight, too. Exercising together also is a good way to reinforce your relationship. Just taking up those lifestyle changes with you will help her lose the weight, and both of you will probably be able to get to a good healthy weight.

It's going to take time and patience, and letting your temper go won't help you any.
Let your temper loose here, but try to be as patient with her as you can.

[SicknTired]

I am sorry. I have been sick and on disability for 4 years. I couldnt help much. Now I do feel a little better. I have been helping. The other day we were together for 10 years. We have a 7 year old son. I was asked to move out. So now with very limited and income and a strong desire to stay with my son at minimum, my life is being thrown into a tailspin. I have even been cooking meals for them I cant eat. The process is only a small part but it is a part.

I know what they are saying. And women dont see things the way men do. We can try and try but even when they get what they want it isnt what they want. Find out what she needs and give it to her. Remember how hard it was to go this far to change your life and the efforts you have made in the past. So do you think she feels being forced into accepting your change. That does not work. It wouldnt have for you and it wont for her. When she sees you changing she will want to change with you. Even though we are not working it out right now, mine is losing weight and changing the way she eats

[Brandy F]

I wish you the best. Stay positive and patient with her. What ever you do, do not tell her anything about her weight or the way she eats. That will only drive her further away and further into eating. Just as I said stay positive and patient and do what you have to do and eventually she will follow. It will be by her own will not because you have told her to. Lead by example not by words.

[rolandthunder]

Well since the surgery is done the wife seems to have come around to the idea a little more. She hounds me pretty good to keep me on track. Which I dont mind but if I so much as say anything to hear about what she eats she gets all mad at me.

[MsVickie]

Hi Roland. Im Vickie. I used to come here every day and Im sorry I missed this post when you first posted it. It looks like you have done very well since surgery losing weight. Good for you.

Now I want to say somthing here. Yes women do take things a whole lot different than men. And men take them differently also.

What im gonna suggest to you is this........ dont say anything to her about what she is eating ok? I know you didnt like it when somone or even if she said somthing to you about what you used to eat before surgery. She is still the same way about it. I know it looks good when she eats it or mabye it dont look as good now but you do have to remember they didnt do surgery on her so she dont feel no different about it now. Just dont watch her eat it. Head hunger will play with you right now and make you want it but you will over come that part. I promise that. She will come around later but that will have to be on her own time.

CTs wife did the same thing. So have many others in here. They do it on there own time if they do it then. When you get upset or want to say somthing........remember why you married her......... im sure it wasnt because of what she eat or didnt.

Congrats again on doing this and I do hope things get better with you and the wife. Im sure it will. Smile!