[rolandthunder]

Since Ive been home from surgery my wife has continued to cook the way that she did before I had surgery. Which is pasta three to four times a week, muffins, cookies, things like that. I have been trying to be polite about it, even to the point of eating some of it. But its getting to the point that I just make my own meals. This started a whole new set of problems. Now she is mad I am not eating what is cooked. We have always told our kids this is not a short order restaurant and you eat what is made. Over the weekend I have tried to sit down and talk to her about healthy cooking. She got mad at me and told me I was a food Nazi. There is no way for me to win in this. I have to make choices that are healthy for me even if it does hurt her feelings, or make her mad.

The next big problem is exercise. My wife is about 5'3" 220 LBS so she needs to exercise as much as I do. But again if I bring it up she gets mad. Its very frustrating.

[skinnyminnyoneday]

I feel for you it must be really hard to deal with that along with trying to loose weight and eat right.

[Perfesser]

You made the choice, for good and sufficient reasons, to put yourself into a situation where you have uncompromising food needs. This is a medical necessity, not a short-order restaurant situation. Sounds like your wife is well beyond passive aggressive into active sabotage.

If you have explained what your requirements are, and if she steadfastly refuses to accommodate them, you have no choice but to fend for yourself. With a BMI of 40.2, your wife would qualify on that alone for WLS, but it seems that she might not take too kindly to that observation.

One thing's for sure - there is no way you can flirt with her menus and expect success at this. You're in a bit of a bind, brother. I expect there'll be some tough choices and discussions over your way in the near future!

Good luck!!!

CT

[DocSanae]

I am sorry to hear your wife is uncooperative. Maybe she is insecure that once you lose your weight, you will leave her, and so is either trying to sabotage your eating and/or trying to turn you away from her first, so she can say it's your fault, not hers.
You probably will have to sit down for another long talk, but try to see if there are any insecurities that she has on your losing weight. Not talk that she she needs to lose weight too, but what are her true fears on the outcome of your surgery. You may need couple therapy to clear the air between you two, so don't shy away from enlisting professional help when the need is there, to keep your marriage intact.

[Jayleigh63]

I'm sad for you. You need support and encouragement as you wage this battle! Sabotage will demean your efforts and successes. Don't let her sabotage you, and YOU need not try to make nice, by giving in, even just a little!

Doc and Perfesser are probably quite right... she needs to lose weight. No ifs, and or buts about it. She is probably insecure. She sees you making good food choices and losing weight and probably wishes she had your strength of conviction.

She might be trying to nurture and love you as she always had... only to your detriment!

Maybe you can try this by coming at it from a different angle:
"If you can swing a way to make those (fill in high carb, high sugar, high fat food here) healthier for me, I'd love to have a little!"

or "It's not even a close choice, I either have those forbidden foods and stay obese & die young... or I make the sacrifice not to eat them. I choose a healthy me and more time to love you!! There, that was easy!"

You can have her come to the doctor with you and ask him/her some pre-loaded questions about good food choices. Consequences of bad food choices. Is it common to have someone you love try to sabotage you? I'm sure your doc would have a few intelligent things to say. It might be clearer coming from an educated source OTHER than you.

Finally, you might need marriage counselling to help you through this difficult time. Again, that third party opinion and advice can be very helpful!

Good luck to you and let me know how it is going for you!

[luckylocke]

I am so sorry you are having a hard time. You can't eat your old way. You will have done this whole surgery for nothing. I agree you might need to have a few counseling sessions if you two can't work this out on your own. If you are able continue to show her that she matters and that you love her. I will keep you in my prayers.

[Manana]

I'm sorry to hear your having this problem. It sounds like she is having her own insecure feelings, love her and stay strong.
I'll keep you in my prayers.

{{{HUGS}}} and well wishes...

[Weigh2GoSteph]

I agree with the rest of the board... you are in a very tough position right now and you guys would probably benefit from a counseling session or two.

Maybe just take your wife aside and remind her how much you love her, and that you had this surgery so that you'd be around for her and the kiddos. But that in order for you to LIVE, as much as you'd love to eat her delicious food.... you are forced to make other food choices to keep healthy. Remind her that without the protein, you will become very ill and that would be an "added burden for her." See where I'm going with this? It sounds as if she's being very unreasonable... so maybe if you word it in a way that makes it sound like you're doing all of this for her benefit, that it will confuse her long enough to get a good meal or two for yourself! LOL

Best of luck to you. I hope that you're able to work this out. Sometimes I have to remind my dh that I can't eat something that he's eating or that I don't have to finish what's on my plate. Especially since he's overweight, his bad habits sometimes cause him to forget how different the rules are for me now. Keep us posted!

[Nejy]

I'm sure she will come around eventually...It's not like you didn't discuss how your new lifestyle would be after the surgery right? Just remind her of how you are supposed to be eating and eating any other way makes you sick and vommitting would be a waste of her good cooking LOL...just a thought! Good luck...you can do it!

[not quite Barbie]

Food isn't a big battle in our house, DH understands that there's just a lot of foods that I can't eat anymore. We do a lot of separate meal preparations at our house too. If I'm cooking it's going to be what I can eat: lean meats, veggies, salads. If he's cooking I usually have to pass. So we've gotten to the point where I'll say "It's rotisserie chicken again tonight, or you can make yourself something else" and he'll either eat the chicken again or have to fend for himself. I'd say it's about 50/50 if he has what I'm having or throws a pizza or buffalo chicken and fries in the oven. He has started lately to try to lose weight and is doing smaller portions, lower fat and somewhat healthier choices.

There have been posts in the past about people losing their eating partner. Eating yummy fattening foods was probably a big portion of your relationship. Now you've chosen to change that and she's feeling lost. She's lost what you two used to enjoy together and doesn't know how t fix it. She's probably afraid that you're doing this to get thin and find someone else, or just that you won't love her anymore because she's fat and you're thin. The worst thing you can do is harp on her to lose weight right now. She has to come to that decision on her own, just like you did.

You need to repeatedly assure her that you aren't going to leave, that you love her just as she is, and to find something else that the two of you can share - an evening walk, a hobby, playing games together, something.

This is one of the big hurdles that couples go through after WLS. Seek any and all help.