  | | 
05-13-2010, 07:25 PM
|
#1 (permalink)
| | Big Loser
Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Illinois
Posts: 155
Weight Statistics forever Start Date:
Surgery date was Dec 30th 2009 Surgery Date:
5' 6"
Height:
311 lb Start Weight:
245 lb Current Weight:
170 lb Goal Weight:
66 lb Weight Loss:
75 lb Lb Left to Lose:
21.2218649518 % % Lost:
Body Mass Index50.1912304867 BMI Start:
39.5397153352 BMI Current:
27.4357208448 BMI Goal:
|  Since everyone is talking about spouse issues.....
My husband and I have been "together" off and on for 8 years, married almost 4. I was big when he met and married me, so is he. He left me a year after we got married after a few months of degrading me and saying hurtfull things about my weight. (we wore the same size shirt). He kept coming back and I let him. 2 years ago, he got in trouble with the law and went to prison, not in 1 state, but 2. He will be home in a month. I haven't seen him since before surgery. I want to give him a chance to prove he has changed, but I am scared to death. We have decided he is not living with me just yet, he is going to live with his grandparents, he has a lot to prove. I did not do this surgery for him, I did it for me. I have told him I am down 50 lbs, but have not sent him any pics. I swear if he says anything negative about my weight or any other aspect of my life.....I am going to beat him with a baseball bat! LOL Part of me thinks he is going to be good for a few months and then go back to his selfish critical A$$hole ways. He wanted me to lose weight, but yet he would sabotage me by going thru drivethrus daily, eat chips and icecream all the time and say things like...gee don't you wish you could eat this? I know...why am I still talking to this jerk? I have seen the good in him and I know he can be a good man. This is his last chance of chances, then it is all over! I just needed to say this. Thanks for not judging my decision to see how it goes. 
__________________  | 
|  |  | Weight Loss Surgery Insurance | | | |
|
| |
05-13-2010, 07:44 PM
|
#2 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Idaho
Posts: 3,952
Weight Statistics Jan 2009 Start Date:
Dec. 22, 2009 Surgery Date:
5' 6"
Height:
317 lb Start Weight:
194 lb Current Weight:
165 lb Goal Weight:
123 lb Weight Loss:
29 lb Lb Left to Lose:
38.8012618297 % % Lost:
May 2011 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index51.1595500459 BMI Start:
31.3089990817 BMI Current:
26.6287878788 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
 |
Well I wont judge your desicion , but I will say , I was married to a jerk like that , I could never be skinny enough or pretty enough , hell i couldnt even keep the house clean enough ( note I not him ) , now when I am talking skinny enough i weighed 150-185 thru our marriage..Some people are just flat not happy with themselves so they find fault in everyone else , the odds of them changing is not good , we went to marriage counseling , we done it all , ended up the therpaist told him off LOL..well needless to say that was then end of marriage counseling....finally I grew strong enough ( again note I GREW STRONG ENOUGH) to leave him , he had nerve enough to tell me i could come back if I would cut off my nails and we would sart fishing move away and start new life etc...( ummm I am not cutting my nails for anyone , and i dont touch fish lol ) big of him huh ? Ummm I didnt ask to come back , but it was his way of begging LOL...Good luck , I hope prison changed his ways , but please just tell yourself your special and his opinon means nothing when and if he is negative once again , and dont waste your life with such head games , if it becomes that way again... I wasted 14 yrs of my life !
__________________  | |
| | |
05-13-2010, 07:52 PM
|
#3 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: No. Los Angeles County, CA
Posts: 2,849
Weight Statistics 4.29.08 RNY Surgery Date:
5' 8"
Height:
301 lb Start Weight:
168 lb Current Weight:
170 lb Goal Weight:
133 lb Weight Loss:
-2 lb Lb Left to Lose:
44.1860465116 % % Lost:
Body Mass Index45.7618944637 BMI Start:
25.5415224913 BMI Current:
25.8455882353 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
|
I would never stay with a man who EVER degraded me at any level. My husband, thank God, loved me and wanted me at 310 lbs, and he loves me and wants me now. Lucky me, I know.
Are you still with him because you have children together?
Let's see...he has been in prison for crime(s) in TWO states? I am guessing he knows how to use weapons far more serious as a baseball bat.
Yeah, I guess I am pre-judging, but I would not want ANY woman to continue in a relationship such as you have endured. Chalk it all up to experience and get out of this relationship NOW!
My two cents, and this time there is no mileage to vary as I would have never put myself in such a situation.
__________________
Judijo
"Burning out this fuse out here alone" Surgery 4.29.08
11-29-08: Down 90 lbs. Total cholesterol is under 200 for the first time in my adult life!
1.11.09: 100 lbs down! Century Club! WHOO HOO! 
7.10.09 GOL! GOL! GOLGOLGOLGOLGOL! GGGGOOOOLLL!
1.10.10 Still at goal.
2.21.12 up a bit. Back on track, I hope. 
310/176/<164
Starting weight: beginning of nutrition classes, August, 2007 | |
| | |
05-13-2010, 08:07 PM
|
#4 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: May 2008 Location: Just north of Iowa, not far from I-35. 2nd star on the right and straight on 'til morning!
Posts: 8,639
Weight Statistics December 13, 2007 (pre-op liquid diet started) Start Date:
December 27, 2007 Surgery Date:
5' 9"
Height:
280 lb Start Weight:
172 lb Current Weight:
184 lb Goal Weight:
108 lb Weight Loss:
-12 lb Lb Left to Lose:
38.5714285714 % % Lost:
Originally - 12/08. Actually - 8/08. Goal Date:
Body Mass Index41.3442554085 BMI Start:
25.3971854652 BMI Current:
27.1690821256 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
|
I'm not judging your decision, but I think it would be a good idea if you had a Plan B already developed in your mind. Under what circumstances would you trigger it, what would you do, how would you protect yourself if he didn't like it, etc. etc. etc. In a situation like this, there are a lot of ways it could go wrong. Hope and pray for the best, prepare for the worst, and you'll come out of it well.
I wish you the best of luck. It's a tricky time for you both. Being away like that is an opportunity for real change, one way or the other. I hope you come out happy.
CT
__________________ da perfesser
*******************
Dare to live your dream!!
If you want to be healthy for life, do for life the things that get you healthy!! Living healthy takes work. Dying fat is easy!! "That which we persist in doing becomes easier, not that the nature of the task has changed, but that our capacity to do has increased." - HJ Grant
"Do, or do not. There is no try!" - Yoda
| |
| | |
05-13-2010, 08:15 PM
|
#5 (permalink)
| | WLS Master Guru
Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Michigan
Posts: 516
Weight Statistics January 2009 Start Date:
Sept 29, 2009 Surgery Date:
5' 2"
Height:
299 lb Start Weight:
176 lb Current Weight:
145 lb Goal Weight:
123 lb Weight Loss:
31 lb Lb Left to Lose:
41.1371237458 % % Lost:
Sept 2010 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index54.6818418314 BMI Start:
32.1873048907 BMI Current:
26.517950052 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
|
Now is a good opportunity to break free of him and bounce.... leave... get the hell out of dodge. He has proven enough to you already, it is a jerk, insensitive and silly enough to go to prison.. why would you want to be with a man who has gone to prison.. what kind of life can he provide for you now?? you have the surgery for you.. now make it work for you... you will find another man... 3times better than your future ex-husband.. if you catch my meaning...
"it's all a process"
__________________  | |
| | |
05-13-2010, 10:21 PM
|
#6 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Oklahoma City, Okla USA
Posts: 2,549
Weight Statistics 05/17/02 Start Date:
05/17/02 Surgery Date:
5' 5"
Height:
355 lb Start Weight:
190 lb Current Weight:
175 lb Goal Weight:
165 lb Weight Loss:
15 lb Lb Left to Lose:
46.4788732394 % % Lost:
Body Mass Index59.0686390533 BMI Start:
31.6142011834 BMI Current:
29.1183431953 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
|
Abusers always 'have the good in them that only -I- can see' but no one else does. That's why you keep letting him come back, you are conditioned to believe that LIE that he is 'really a good person in there somewhere'. Therapy about this relationship would be a great thing for you to do to try and understand why you keep punishing YOURSELF by continuing with this abusive relationship.
You deserve better than that by far. ANY woman does.
You started a journey with choosing to have the WLS and there will be more and more decisions along the way that will be hard to make.
Personally I have very deep concerns about your safety regarding this situation. I pray that you will make the right decision for YOU and YOUR SAFETY long term and not allow yourself to continue being an emotional and physical punching bag. Prison doesn't improve men ...that is a very RARE thing indeed.
We all care about you and wish most of all for you to stay SAFE and be HAPPY long term.
__________________ 
(Spring 2004)
(lowest body weight/size) --BREE
- Strength in body is fleeting, but MY strength is from the LORD whose strength never weakens...
--------------------- open RNY 5/17/2002 -166 lbs(-200 at lowest) 8 years post in May 2010
Open major abdominal surgery 4/6/2010 for internal hernia release, extensive scarring removal & Appendix removal
| |
| | |
05-13-2010, 10:32 PM
|
#7 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Floyd County Virginia
Posts: 9,445
Weight Statistics September 19th 2007 Start Date:
September 19th 2007 June 18,2012 Surgery Date:
5' 10"
Height:
363 lb Start Weight:
226 lb Current Weight:
170 lb Goal Weight:
137 lb Weight Loss:
56 lb Lb Left to Lose:
37.741046832 % % Lost:
When I get there again Goal Date:
Body Mass Index52.0793877551 BMI Start:
32.4240816327 BMI Current:
24.3897959184 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
|
What I personally want you to do here for me is to think why you acutally did this surgery and really go back and think why you finally did this for yourself ok. Now you think about it long and hard. Did he ever come to mind good or bad. If it was in a bad way things about him keep that in your mind why......
Im not gonna pre judge you honey but if its in there in any way I agree keep a plan B in the works. I agree with not letting him come home to live with you for the time being and I would leave it like that for a good while. Im sure you have missed him but I also want you to think you have made it this long with out him with you and you can continue on if need be. Dont ever sell yourself short. You have give yourself a new life. Dont mess that up for anyone that isnt worthy of moving foward with you. I do hope for the best for all involved. Remember you count in this as much if not more than ever before. Keep us updated.
__________________ Remember Tough times never last Tough people do... This Ribbon is for our Lady Lisa and all the women that fight this ugly disease. RIP Jerry my friend
| |
| | |
05-13-2010, 10:39 PM
|
#8 (permalink)
| | Super Moderator
Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Tokyo, Japan
Posts: 24,786
5' 5"
Height:
|
Choose what is best for YOUR well being. He made his choices, you need to make yours.
(((HUGS)))
| |
| | |
05-14-2010, 12:04 AM
|
#9 (permalink)
| | WLS Guru
Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Staten Island
Posts: 375
Weight Statistics January 18th 2010 Start Date:
February 1st 2010 Surgery Date:
5' 5"
Height:
378 lb Start Weight:
163 lb Current Weight:
150 lb Goal Weight:
215 lb Weight Loss:
13 lb Lb Left to Lose:
56.8783068783 % % Lost:
June 2011 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index62.8956213018 BMI Start:
27.1216568047 BMI Current:
24.9585798817 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
|
You already got a ton of good advice and I can't see where there's more to add, but I just wanted to give you the perspective of someone who has been there, done that.....No man is worth you feeling bad about yourself! This surgery and new way of life is hard enough without having someone who will put you down and make you feel like crap. Are you willing to allow this man to possibly ruin what you've went through so much to gain?
{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}} to you, I'm sure you will make the best choice for you as long as you think about yourself first!
__________________ Lisa Lap RNY 2/1/2010 highest/current/goal 378/163/150 Arrived in Twoterville 4/19/10 Proud Century Club member since 5/24/10 Halfway to goal 6/12/10 Century and a half club member 8/30/10 Pulled in to Onederland on 11/17/10 Double century club 2/11/11 13 lbs from goal!!!!!!  | |
| | |
05-14-2010, 07:48 AM
|
#10 (permalink)
| | WLS Master Guru
Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Indiana, Burbs of Indianapolis
Posts: 877
Weight Statistics Most of my life Start Date:
October 8 2009 Surgery Date:
5' 8"
Height:
342 lb Start Weight:
168 lb Current Weight:
164 lb Goal Weight:
174 lb Weight Loss:
4 lb Lb Left to Lose:
50.8771929825 % % Lost:
Whenever my body gets there. Goal Date:
Body Mass Index51.9952422145 BMI Start:
25.5415224913 BMI Current:
24.9333910035 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
|
Please do what is best for YOU!!!!
Take it slow.
It is my experience that people do not change.
I was married 15 years to a man that mentally and physically abused me.
I was in for the long haul, for better or worse for richer or poor till death do us part..not divorce. I kicked him out often but always took him back because he was a "good man" huh. He would always be so nice and caring just like a whipped puppy anything to make me happy. Of course I THOUGHT it best to have him with me because we have a son together. Now my son is in counseling to deal with how his dad treated me and him.
I finally got the nerve to kick him out for good, that was 11yrs ago.
He is why I got so big, I had to do things to make me happy....EAT.
I am still trying to find me, who I am now, sheading off all the ugly things I became to hide from him and life. Mentally I still feel abused, it is hard to erase those ugly words.
Please take it slow do not put up with being treated badly YOU are better then that and deserve more.
If he has truly changed only time will tell, do like CT said....have plan B ready.
My prayers are with you.....
If you ever need a sounding board I'm here....
I volunteer at a womans shelter. I do understand the desire to keep what you have, but the need to give it up.
You can get through this!
__________________  | |
| | | Thread Tools | | | | Display Modes |  Linear Mode | 
Posting Rules
| You may not post new threads You may not post replies You may not post attachments You may not edit your posts
HTML code is Off
| | | | |
So long as you are putting your best foot forward, then, 
