[steinkat]

Hello everyone!

Did anyone have any problem with their spouse not wanting you to have surgery? Or you family members being negative about the surgery? My husband won't even come to the orientation with me. Is this normal....It makes me self doubt myself. I want to go ahead with.....and to be healthy and to love myself again...

HELP............
Christine

[Waiting2Fly]

Personally, I never had that problem thank God! But I have heard alot of times spouses and close friends don't want you to get this done 'cause they're afraid/insecure in the relationship and think once you get thin they'll be left behind. It's too bad he won't go to the orientation with you so he could see first hand what this can do for your health. You have to do this for you and don't let anybody stop you. Hopefully he and other family members will come to realize this is something that can dramatically improve the quality of your life. Good luck!

[Judy Lynn]

My husband went with me but he slept of the time while we were there. He did not want me to lose weight because he thought that I would leave him. Now after 11 weeks and 68 lbs he wants to tell everyone. I always have to tell him that mostnot everyone needs to know that I had WLS. He is so proud of me and he is very supportive. He will come around be even if he doesn't you have to do whatever it takes to get healthier.

[Chevygal55]

I too like Deb have full support of my family but I have read posts here that some members did not have support from a spouse or family... I'm sure more will pop in to tell you of their experiences~

[kitcatcopycat]

My husband was VERY opposed to me having the surgery right up to the point where they wheeled me in. He was scared of everything. He was scared I would die in surgery. He was scared I would change & leave him. A LOT of reassurance goes a long way. When he realized there was nothing stopping me, he started to calm down. I made sure he knew I loved him, that this was for us not just me. I needed to be healthy so we could be together longer. Some times reasoning works and some times not. Hang in there I have been there. I can tell you we are a stronger couple 18 months later. We used this experience to draw closer as a couple.

[Perfesser]

My wife thought I was absolutely crazy to be considering such an off-the-wall idiotic idea as WLS!! She wouldn't go with me to my informational seminar, and it was months into the process before I could get her to go with me to meet the surgeon. That helped somewhat and she grudgingly gave her okay (not that I'd asked her for it! ) I was glad to have her on board because I needed a ride home from the hospital!!

She watched me closely and about six months post-op expressed her concern that I was losing way too much way too fast and I was looking sickly to her. I reassured her and took no action on her concerns. My body was in charge and I was gonna go where it took me.

Fifteen months after my surgery, she had RNY herself, and has lost about 100 pounds in the 16 months since then. We think she may be stopped at goal, but it could just be another long stall. In any case, she doesn't have far to go if she's not there yet.

You had time to come to this idea slowly and make peace with it. When you spring it on someone who knows nothing about it, it's a shock, and if ignorance of the facts informs their thought processes, it's an uphill process for you.

You aren't doing this for him. You are doing it for you, so you can spend years more enjoying a full and satisfying life with him. It's normal for the spouse to have concerns that you'll move on, as others have already expressed. Some extra loving and reassurance will help ease the emotions and calm fears.

Good luck!!

CT

[kitcatcopycat]

I agree with CT. After my hubby met the surgeon things got much better. I have to tell you my surgeon is very sure of herself (of course that is what you want in a surgeon). She was the one that convinced him not me.

If my hubby was not concerned I would have been worried.

[shasha]

My husband was scared, too. It took research for him to realize this was the best thing for me. After watching me fail so many times on diets. It was time to take care of it once and for all. And it was the only way to avoid diabetes (I was pre-diabetic) Almost off my bp and cholestrol meds. Now he realizes it was all worth it.
He just needs to research to ease his mind. He just cares about you.

As far as family...I didn't and won't tell them. They aren't that supportive. I will hear all the horror stories. Who needs the negativity. I'm getting that now w/me just telling them I'm on a diet. They think I'm gonna gain it all back. To tell ya the truth
I don't blame them...been there done that.

Hang in there...your hubby will come around. I'm sure he wants you to be around to love for alot longer

[bela]

My father was really concerned, my mom dragged him to the info seminar but that didn't help much, a day before surgery the only question he had to the surgeon was "What are the risks?" but his eyes were kind of saying "if my daughter dies, I'll kill you!" LOL It helped me a lot that my mom was on board so my father stayed calm (well, at least he didn't show his nerves).

Knowledge is power and usually once people get to know about WLS a lot of barriers drop, keep trying to get your husband to the seminars and good luck with your journey!

[najwamama]

My husband wanted me to have the surgery and he was incouraging and so were my kids but he was scared to death! We were not married at the time but a month after the surgery we got married and he continues to support me but he can be a pain in the but about what I put in my mouth which is annoying but I know it is out of love! And even to my surprise he is a little jealous of guys now which he was not as much before but that comes from the change and my new attitude and the way I am dressing now.