[LisaH]

I have gotten used to negative comments coming from aquantances or co-workers, even well meaning friends, but from my own family???? Why this hurt me so damn much I really can't tell you, I am totally and blissfully happy with my progress thus far and am looking forward to reaching goal and beyond, so why do I have to let things like this pull me down?

Here's the story:

My sister, who has a good 100 or more lbs she could lose, is insainly jealous of my success so far, for this reason I try not to say anything about my weight when I'm with her, and I don't ever comment on her weight, ever!

Yesterday my grandparents and my aunt, who live in Florida and haven't seen me, in pictures or otherwise, since before my surgery, came in for a visit. We had a BBQ at my sister's house. I arrived A little late, both my sister and my aunt were sitting in the back yard, when my aunt saw me she jumped up and ran to me, she started crying and gushing over me. She couldn't believe how good I looked, the last time she saw me I was at my heaviest! Of course she was all excited, and wanted to bring me right in for my Nana to see, my sister got a really nasty look on her face and walked away from us. After everybody OHHHH'd and AHHHH'd over my success we went on to have a really nice time, so I thought.

My aunt is staying with me, so once we got home and settled, got the kids to bed, etc, we sat on the couch and talked for a while. She confided in me that at my sisiter's house, when I went in to see my Nana, she was sitting outside with my BIL, who said, very nastily "Well, here we go again, she comes here, brags about the weight she's lost and everybody talks about it, then she leaves and my wife cries! If it happens again today I'll just blow up at her!" First of all I don't brag!!!!! I know, probably more than anyone else in my family since I was the biggest, how hard it is to lose weight, and I know how it feels to carry around 200+ extra lbs!!!!! I would never, ever brag or make fun of someone for being over weight! That's not all though, he went on to say, "Sure, take the easy way out, have surgery to lose weight, why can't you just lose it like a normal person would!! Like SHE did something so hard to lose weight!!" WHAT!!!!!????? First of all, why can't anyone understand that this is NOT EASY!!!!!!! But not just that, why can't you just support me??? How about that??? Plus, this came from a man who , not very long ago, had to have his family stay with me for half a year because they got evicted for not paying their rent due to HIM being out of work. He was here when I went for surgery, he was here when I came home from the hospital, he was here, and saw how hard it was for me in those first few weeks, when I cried for a week straight because I couldn't eat, when I ended up in pain and running back and forth to the bathroom because I ate one teaspoon too much of tuna!!! He was here!!!!!!! Did it look easy to him??? I'm just so upset over this, he really made me feel bad, like I'M doing something bad. If this came from an outsider I would have probably overlooked it already, but from my own family it really hurts!!!!! And I can't even say anything because I promised my Aunt I wouldn't start trouble while she was visiting

I did, however, tell my mother and she downplayed it, I think because she really doesn't understand how hard this whole process has really been on me. She wondered why I let something like that bother me as much as I did. The truth is I can't even tell her why, because I don't understand why myself.........I want so much to call my BIL out about what he said, but I'm gonna keep my promise to my aunt. At this moment I don't even feel like going over my sister's ever again, mom thinks I should go over there more often now and flaunt myself, that's not me!! I don't enjoy making people feel uncomfortable, especially my sister, I can totally understand how she's feeling, and I know that if she had heard what her husband said she would be furious with him, so I'm not gonna make waves, I'm just gonna get over this and move on.

Venting here certainly helps, and just knowing that you all have been through this process and can truly understand my feelings helps a bunch, thank you for being here!!!!

[SummerBreeze]

Jealousy is an Ugly word, not only is there jealousy involved there is his wife whom is emotionallynot dealing with your moments of fame , I highly doubt either one really think the easy way out, beings they saw it, but it sure sounds good to say to others who are lsitening..More than likely he cant afford for his wife to have this surgery so he makes you look bad not himself..hang your head high, dont lower to his remarks, but dont let him walk over you either ! If push comes to shove have your husband pull him aside and say hey I overheard a remark you made to someone ( small lie in overhearing, but if he has said it once he has said it to others , so he wont know if he had heard him or not ) then have your hubby tell him that he of all people should know this is not an easy route and that you love your sister very much and would appreciate him to keep his mouth shut if he cant say anything good...good luck hun , You have done great dont let anyone take that away from you

[mj2903]

Good luck, family issues can be so sticky to deal with. I am sorry that you had to endure this over the weekend.

[Ebonidoll]

Hey Lisa,

Yes, venting here helps. a few things to keep in mind.

unfortunately, you can't change your family, or what people say about you. However, you answered your own question the reason it bothers you so much, is because it is from family. those you don't expect to talk behind your back, or not be happy for you. But sometimes they are the main one's who hate the most and the hardest.
***
My advice... next time someone wants to tell you what someone else said. politely advise them that if they didn't have something nice to say. you would rather not hear it and keep it moving from there.
***
Don't let them steal your joy... You have worked hard for it.

"it's all a process"

[LisaH]

Thank you guys!!!

This is just one of the many reasons why I love it here, all the support from people I barely know, and understanding too!

Yes, I think that is why it bothered me so much, becasue it's family, not only family, but family who were here in the very begining of my journey, and who have seen me struggle with my weight for a good many years, who should understand better than anyone else.

Oh well, I will take all your advice.

[BreeChick]

goodness..(((hugs))))

What a terrible thing to happen and from family no less!

I'm glad you can come on here and vent it out sweetie, cause wooiee! What a mess. It makes me wonder if your sister is used to being the center of attention and that is the point of the issue. SHE can't be in the spotlight now and YOU are.

It still astounds me with as much information and as many people as there are out there in the world who have had WLS..there are STILL those jerks! who will say this is 'the easy way out'..for goodness sake!

*rolls eyes*

righto..it's sooooo easy..uh huh.

I will NOT even go there!

*laughs*..

Hang in there..WE all know how tough it is and how, honestly it will be easier the longer you are out from surgery but it never gets 'easy'...not really.

Family...*sighs deeply* the ones who should most deeply support us are often the ones who hurt us the deepest instead.

[LisaH]

Thank you Bree!!! See, now I know I wasn't over reacting. After what my mom said I really thought that maybe I was making way to much of it, but it just really did hurt me that he could talk like that about me, especially after he had been here for my first month or so after surgery.

My sister actually does LOVE to be the center of attention, and she truly is very jealous of my success, but as jealous as she is, she has never ever said anything negative about my having surgery or about my weight loss, she actually told me that she thought I was very brave for doing it, and that she wasn't sure she could be as brave as me. I know what was said came from my BIL and had nothing to do with her, and he probably said it because it hurts him to see my sister hurting, which I totally understand, but really, does hurting me make him feel better??

As jealous as my sister may be, she's also very protective and if she knew what my BIL had said about me she would be furious! For that reason alone, I think I will keep my mouth shut and just keep doing me!

[DocSanae]

Aww (((HUGS)))
I sounds like your BIL has as much, if not even more, insecurity issues as your sister. That he enjoyed seeing his wife the center of attention--makes him look good by association, you know, and now someone else has the spotlight, so your DH looks good by association, know what I mean?
And yes, of course it hurts a whole lot more because it comes from those you think are the closest to you.
Kudos to you for keeping mum. All the more power to you.

[Manana]

{{{HUGS}}}
You did the right thing by keeping it to yourself, why keep passing the hurt.'
Sorry you had to deal with all of this when this should of been a fun time for you and your family.

It always hurts more when it comes from family...

[MsVickie]

I set and read this. I think what you are dealing with here is more of a jealously thing with the brother in law as much as the sister. Im taking that they dont have the insurance to cover surgery for her yet?

First of all honey........... This is not YOUR FAULT! You did NOT take the EASY way out. I have always said anyone that EVER said that to me I would love to bust them in the mouth. And im a very non violent person. If they only knew what you have to go through to get that weight off. Its a last resort surgery. Its not a first resort. We all know that. Im sure he feels for his wife and he loves her. And he dont want to see her cry or sad but he needs a reality check himself. No he hasnt forgotten. I dont talk about weight loss around any of my family members either. No one else has been through it. Unless im asked a direct question about it I dont talk about it.

I dont agree with your mom about flaunting it. You know how it felt to be overweight and that is the last thing you need to do. Honey I have no words to help you . Think on this. Go into your heart and take a bit of time to make your decision on what to do about approaching it. Him blowing up at you will do no good because you did nothing but save your own life. That is all you did. Vent here yes. Its a good place to do just that. I will be thinking of you. I dont know if you and your sister are close and if you can have a heart to heart talk or not. Be patient with your decision and then talk. It will be the right one when you do it im sure.