[kyacmom]

Hi! I am new here and I am wanting to find out what I need to do to make my husband's life easier after surgery. I have already gotten some great advice and I know that support is a must! If there are any spouses out there, I'd love to hear how you have coped with all of the changes and how it has effected your family. (good and bad) I am realistic and know that there are going to be ups and downs. I just want to try to be prepared for what is in store for my family.

Thanks!!!

[CraigT]

Foot rubs, dancing girls, ESPN, ESPN2, ESPN3 are great things to start with.

Most doctors say that nagging and house chores can be fatal, so do NOT risk his health with these..

This is fun, I am sure I can come ups with LOTS more....

Seriously though, I will say I couldn't have made it without my wife's help. You hubby is going to be very needy for a little while. Roll with it. Make sure you have someone other than your hubby to dump your frustrations to. He is going to be going through a bunch of physical, mental and emotional changes.

Okay, ladies, your turn.....

[Pillows]

I would NOT advise the whole dancing girls thing. Shame on you Craig.....LOL. I know you were probably talking about Folk Dancers right? All kidding set aside, I don't have much experience to help you out with this area, but I agree with Craig. You need to find someone that you can dump your frustrations to. Might I please suggest that this someone be female? When it comes to releasing stress about my marriage, I have always made it a point to not discuss problems in our relationship with any male friends, because I have heard of too many instances where it has only led to more distrust and problems in the marriage. Hopefully you have a good female friend that you are close to and can trust to have your best interests at heart, if not I am sure that any of us ladies would be more than willing to help you out there. The added bonus of that would be that we could get the spouse's perspective, while you get the patient's perspective. Without knowing your hubby or you, it is hard to know what else to specifically tell you. Just make sure that you allow each other space when you need it and try to understand that it isn't because you don't love each other, but because this is a very emotional thing to undergo and sometimes it is hard to know what you are saying in the heat of those emotions. I hope this makes sense and helps. Good luck and we are rooting for you both.
Janae

[Mel]

Hello kyacmom,

I'm RobinZ's husband. She had rny in November and is doing really well. She asked that I respond about what it was like when she got home. First, congratulations to your husband for having the surgery and for you supporting him. We went through a long process to come to the decision for Robin to have the surgery and we are both glad she got it. Her health is better and she feels better about herself and that is a wonderful thing to see.

Back to the topic. I spent as much time as I could with her in the hospital. She was there for 5 days. The hospital was a little over an hour away from our home. It was kind of hard, but I didn't mind it and I know she appreciated the company. She slept a lot, but I was there when she woke up and (luckily) that always made her smile. We would take walks around the hall or just sit and talk or watch tv. I brought her brother with me most of the time too. Coming home was a little tricky, she was not too comfortable on the car ride home, but we took it slow and she went right to bed. Mostly I did what I could for her, especially that first week. I helped her to and from bed, her comfortable living room chair, the bathroom, etc. I brought her meals, which was only broth and jello that first week, I think cottage cheese was added the next week. I helped her shower, helped her get in and out of the shower and changed her bandage. I helped her get dressed and to her to and from the doctor. She didn't drive for three weeks or so, so I did the grocery shopping and cooking for myself and er brother - kind of a challenge for me, but she walked me through it. Mostly I helped wherever I could. I brought her flowers, I washed her hair, I gave her backrubs. I don't think she would have appreciated the dancing girls, but I sure wouldn't have minded the distraction!

I think that's about it. She told me when she was ready to do things on her own again, like heatin gup her own soup or going to the bathroom herself. I didn't bother her, but I was there for her (just as she has been there for me!).

I think you and your husband will do just fine.

Good luck!

Mel

[DocSanae]

kyacmom, welcome to the supporter's club.

You probably will find yourself at the beck and call of your DH the first few weeks....Pamper him, give him what he needs, but lay off when he seems to be feeling as if being closed in by everyone.
I'm here to answer med/tech questions if you have any, and I've a willing ear for you to rave, vent, whatever!

(((((HUGS))))) to you and you DH on the journey you are already taking together.

[RobinZ]

Good luck to you aand your husband, kyacmom. I completely depended on Mel those first few weeks and don't know what I would have done without him. Have patience and all will go well!

[kyacmom]

Thank you all for your words of wisdom. I'm sure I will have a ton of questions as we get closer to surgery. I don't personally know anyone who has gone through this surgery so it is nice to know there is someplace I can go to ask all of my questions. I have a great support group of friends who can help me out when I am feeling overwhelmed. As a teacher, I have summer off, so I should be less stressed and able to be there more for him as this journey begins.

Thanks again!