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09-09-2010, 11:21 PM
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#1 (permalink)
| | WLS Master Guru
Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Central Indiana
Posts: 555
Weight Statistics 8/1/2010 Start Date:
12/8/2010 Surgery Date:
5' 8"
Height:
307 lb Start Weight:
193 lb Current Weight:
180 lb Goal Weight:
114 lb Weight Loss:
13 lb Lb Left to Lose:
37.1335504886 % % Lost:
12/31/2011 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index46.6740916955 BMI Start:
29.3423442907 BMI Current:
27.365916955 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
 |  How to tell Dad?
I have searched and read a lot in regard to telling people about the decision to undergo WLS. You all seem so helpful and ready to offer advice to us pre-op'ers! Here's my dilemma.
I'm almost 34yo. My dad lost his mom when he was 18 and his wife (my mom) when he was 44 (she was 40yo). He's become one of my very best friends since Mom died because we turned towards each other when we lost her. He's very protective of me because he's lost the women he's loved most. He watched his sister-in-law have the open R-E-Y procedure about 11 years ago and saw her not do so well with it.
Part of me wants so badly to share this exciting time with him (my date is in December). The other part of me wants to tell him maybe Thanksgiving weekend! I would be devastated if he's not supportive and/or discouraging. Thankfully, my hubby of 12+ years and our 10yo daughter are amazingly excited and supportive. We all can't wait to see what this journey will be like; emotionally, physically, socially, etc.
Thoughts on how and when to tell Dad?
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09-09-2010, 11:32 PM
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#2 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Iowa
Posts: 1,729
Weight Statistics 1/1/2010 Start Date:
August 3, 2010 Surgery Date:
5' 6"
Height:
292 lb Start Weight:
208 lb Current Weight:
150 lb Goal Weight:
84 lb Weight Loss:
58 lb Lb Left to Lose:
28.7671232877 % % Lost:
December 2011 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index47.1248852158 BMI Start:
33.5684113866 BMI Current:
24.2079889807 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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From what I have experienced, the people that do not support WLS are generally ill informed and worried about the risks. When you can educate them with statistics it can make a difference. A lot of people have heard horror stories or know or heard of people that have died. According to my surgeon the mortality rate of the surgery in the US is about 1 in 600-700. The chances of dying before reaching 65 being obese are much, much greater (I read somewhere 1 in 3).
My mom and I became very close when my dad died 5 years ago and I had her come to the original seminar a year ago. She wasn't pleased but did her best to be supportive. By the end she was excited for me. But, she was worried that something would happen.
Good luck.
__________________
I'm doing this for me, so I can be healthy and live the life that God intended me to live.
23 pounds lost prior to surgery.
Mel
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09-10-2010, 12:19 AM
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#3 (permalink)
| | Guru In Training
Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Indiana
Posts: 305
Weight Statistics 2/11/2010 Start Date:
5/27/2010 Surgery Date:
5' 1"
Height:
224 lb Start Weight:
140 lb Current Weight:
135 lb Goal Weight:
84 lb Weight Loss:
5 lb Lb Left to Lose:
37.5 % % Lost:
May of 2011 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index42.3198065036 BMI Start:
26.4498790648 BMI Current:
25.5052405267 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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Honey it may be a good idea to ask him along on one of the seminars if he has questions you all can seek the answers together. I believe you should tell him, he is your father and deserves to know. I would be very upset if my children took on a surgery of this magnitude without my knowledge JMO.
Cathy
__________________ 
Before 224 & Miserable
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09-10-2010, 12:32 AM
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#4 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Idaho
Posts: 3,952
Weight Statistics Jan 2009 Start Date:
Dec. 22, 2009 Surgery Date:
5' 6"
Height:
317 lb Start Weight:
194 lb Current Weight:
165 lb Goal Weight:
123 lb Weight Loss:
29 lb Lb Left to Lose:
38.8012618297 % % Lost:
May 2011 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index51.1595500459 BMI Start:
31.3089990817 BMI Current:
26.6287878788 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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I agree give him all the Lit you can on itand if he is close invite him to meetings etc...tell him alot of new things have been learned over the years on RNY and yu feel it is what you need to do so you wont die young like your mom did...that you want to see you daughter grow old...hopefully he will understand..hugs, Annie 
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09-10-2010, 06:58 AM
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#5 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Georgetown,TN
Posts: 2,278
Weight Statistics way to long to remember!! Start Date:
12-09-09 Surgery Date:
5' 4"
Height:
282 lb Start Weight:
125 lb Current Weight:
150 lb Goal Weight:
157 lb Weight Loss:
-25 lb Lb Left to Lose:
55.6737588652 % % Lost:
I just want to be healthy Goal Date:
Body Mass Index48.3999023438 BMI Start:
21.4538574219 BMI Current:
25.7446289062 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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I agree with everyone else...tell him. Ask him to attend seminars/meetings with you.
Good luck with your journey!!! ((((hugs))))Kim
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09-10-2010, 09:10 AM
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#6 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: May 2008 Location: Just north of Iowa, not far from I-35. 2nd star on the right and straight on 'til morning!
Posts: 8,639
Weight Statistics December 13, 2007 (pre-op liquid diet started) Start Date:
December 27, 2007 Surgery Date:
5' 9"
Height:
280 lb Start Weight:
172 lb Current Weight:
184 lb Goal Weight:
108 lb Weight Loss:
-12 lb Lb Left to Lose:
38.5714285714 % % Lost:
Originally - 12/08. Actually - 8/08. Goal Date:
Body Mass Index41.3442554085 BMI Start:
25.3971854652 BMI Current:
27.1690821256 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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Been a lot of improvements in the last decade since SIL had it, in technology, techniques and patient education. One person's failure back then doesn't create a pattern.
When my wife told her folks that she was thinking about WLS, her dad expressed concern because his mother had undergone radical stomach surgery back in '46 and it had been painful for her. (The fact that it gave her another 20 years of quality life was somehow overlooked in his worries!  )
Emotions are not rational. You've thought this thing through clearly and calmly and are at peace with it. Whenever it is that you tell him, he'll have had no time to inform himself on the current state of the art and he may react emotionally based on his multiple bereavements and his SIL's experience. This is your challenge.
But if you two are as close as you say, he will at the very least feel hurt that you didn't trust him with the news and your plans.
That said, I didn't tell anyone except my wife when I had it done, but my folks are long gone. I'd love to have been able to share the journey with my mother. <sigh>
CT
__________________ da perfesser
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Dare to live your dream!!
If you want to be healthy for life, do for life the things that get you healthy!! Living healthy takes work. Dying fat is easy!! "That which we persist in doing becomes easier, not that the nature of the task has changed, but that our capacity to do has increased." - HJ Grant
"Do, or do not. There is no try!" - Yoda
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09-10-2010, 09:41 AM
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#7 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: North Dakota..ya sure, u betcha!
Posts: 1,738
Weight Statistics Which time? Start Date:
July 24, 2009 Surgery Date:
4' 11"
Height:
213 lb Start Weight:
108 lb Current Weight:
120 lb Goal Weight:
105 lb Weight Loss:
-12 lb Lb Left to Lose:
49.2957746479 % % Lost:
Whenever.... Goal Date:
Body Mass Index43.0160873312 BMI Start:
21.8109738581 BMI Current:
24.2344153979 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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Hun...I agree with the others. If you are close, he might feel worse if you DIDN'T tell him as he would feel left out of that part of your life. Educate and include him as much as possible. My hubby was opposed at the beginning, but now is glad I have done this.
Medical technology has come a loooooooonnnnnnggggg ways in recent years, much to your benefit. Stats are in your favor, the horror stories just seem to stick with people more than the success stories.
Hugs to you and good luck with your new life!
__________________ Warm regards, Salli Lou  | |
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09-10-2010, 12:49 PM
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#8 (permalink)
| | WLS Master Guru
Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Central Indiana
Posts: 555
Weight Statistics 8/1/2010 Start Date:
12/8/2010 Surgery Date:
5' 8"
Height:
307 lb Start Weight:
193 lb Current Weight:
180 lb Goal Weight:
114 lb Weight Loss:
13 lb Lb Left to Lose:
37.1335504886 % % Lost:
12/31/2011 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index46.6740916955 BMI Start:
29.3423442907 BMI Current:
27.365916955 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
| Thanks!
Thank you everyone for your insight. It's never been an issue of "if", but "how" and "when". I've prayed a lot in the last 24 hours and have decided to tell him the next time we are physically together - which is next week.
Please know that I took your words to heart and am very thankful for those that shared. What an awesome site! Thanks for caring about some woman on the other end of the keyboard!  | |
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09-10-2010, 12:55 PM
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#9 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Idaho
Posts: 3,952
Weight Statistics Jan 2009 Start Date:
Dec. 22, 2009 Surgery Date:
5' 6"
Height:
317 lb Start Weight:
194 lb Current Weight:
165 lb Goal Weight:
123 lb Weight Loss:
29 lb Lb Left to Lose:
38.8012618297 % % Lost:
May 2011 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index51.1595500459 BMI Start:
31.3089990817 BMI Current:
26.6287878788 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tollivers2  Thank you everyone for your insight. It's never been an issue of "if", but "how" and "when". I've prayed a lot in the last 24 hours and have decided to tell him the next time we are physically together - which is next week.
Please know that I took your words to heart and am very thankful for those that shared. What an awesome site! Thanks for caring about some woman on the other end of the keyboard! | Hunny you are not just the other end of the keyboard, the longer your here you will understand you are part of our family, we will tell ya like it is and we dont judge, hugs  Annie~
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09-16-2010, 05:12 PM
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#10 (permalink)
| | WLS Master Guru
Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Central Indiana
Posts: 555
Weight Statistics 8/1/2010 Start Date:
12/8/2010 Surgery Date:
5' 8"
Height:
307 lb Start Weight:
193 lb Current Weight:
180 lb Goal Weight:
114 lb Weight Loss:
13 lb Lb Left to Lose:
37.1335504886 % % Lost:
12/31/2011 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index46.6740916955 BMI Start:
29.3423442907 BMI Current:
27.365916955 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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I told Dad today and it wasn't bad. He asked a lot of questions and I was able to give answers. Thanks for the courage and encouragement!  | |
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