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09-10-2010, 09:49 AM
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#1 (permalink)
| | WLS Guru
Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Philly
Posts: 427
Weight Statistics uhhh... Start Date:
November 23, 2010 Surgery Date:
5' 9"
Height:
277 lb Start Weight:
192 lb Current Weight:
165 lb Goal Weight:
85 lb Weight Loss:
27 lb Lb Left to Lose:
30.6859205776 % % Lost:
November 2011 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index40.9012812434 BMI Start:
28.3503465658 BMI Current:
24.36357908 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
|  Relationships after WLS
Happy Friday to everyone...
I am schedule for surgery in October and I have been trying to prepare the people around me as much as possible in regards to what is going to change...food, exercise, vitamins, hobbies, etc.
I am currently engaged to a wonderful man and we are getting married 9/30/2011. I keep hearing and reading how relationships change after someone has WLS. Has anyone experienced this? positive or negative?
I have been trying to keep an open dialogue with my fiance about what might change, how I might change, and some things I would like to do when I get thin. His biggest fear is that I am going to leave him for someone "slimmer". Is is really that simple?? He has been my rock through out this process and I want nothing more then to build a life with him. But, all these stories are freaking me out.
Has anyone experienced this? 
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09-10-2010, 10:39 AM
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#2 (permalink)
| | WLS Master Guru
Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Horseheads, NY
Posts: 894
Weight Statistics 01/12/09 Start Date:
August 18, 2009 Surgery Date:
5' 6"
Height:
258 lb Start Weight:
135 lb Current Weight:
150 lb Goal Weight:
123 lb Weight Loss:
-15 lb Lb Left to Lose:
47.6744186047 % % Lost:
Summer, 2010 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index41.6377410468 BMI Start:
21.7871900826 BMI Current:
24.2079889807 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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I have found that I get more irritated and bitchy, that I don't let people walk all over me. My 16-year old daughter said "You have changed. I don't even know you anymore" That hurt to the core. So, I have tried to maintain my patience and I think it is going better. I have also stopped my antidepressants, per my doctor, and I tapered them. I am thinking that maybe I better go back on them.
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09-10-2010, 10:52 AM
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#3 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Georgetown,TN
Posts: 2,278
Weight Statistics way to long to remember!! Start Date:
12-09-09 Surgery Date:
5' 4"
Height:
282 lb Start Weight:
125 lb Current Weight:
150 lb Goal Weight:
157 lb Weight Loss:
-25 lb Lb Left to Lose:
55.6737588652 % % Lost:
I just want to be healthy Goal Date:
Body Mass Index48.3999023438 BMI Start:
21.4538574219 BMI Current:
25.7446289062 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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I am also very short tempered since the surgery!! I have already talked to a doctor and for now no more meds(bad experiences with quacks)! I speak up more now than I ever have and I do not let people try to get the best of me. As far as relationships go,I have been married for 20 yrs. and my husband was the one that first brought up wls.He has been my rock,very supportive but there are days when I just want to rip his head off lol for no reason except he got under my skin and p*ssed me off! In the beginning post op he would make comments about food "are you suppose to have that,is that to much food ect..." but after awhile he stopped.
Good luck on your journey!!! ((((hugs)))) Kim
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09-10-2010, 10:57 AM
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#4 (permalink)
| | WLS Guru
Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Philly
Posts: 427
Weight Statistics uhhh... Start Date:
November 23, 2010 Surgery Date:
5' 9"
Height:
277 lb Start Weight:
192 lb Current Weight:
165 lb Goal Weight:
85 lb Weight Loss:
27 lb Lb Left to Lose:
30.6859205776 % % Lost:
November 2011 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index40.9012812434 BMI Start:
28.3503465658 BMI Current:
24.36357908 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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haha @ yvonne...I can imagine my fiance doing the same...I am already irritable...he's got it in for him!
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09-10-2010, 11:20 AM
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#5 (permalink)
| | Big Loser
Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Indiana, PA
Posts: 126
Weight Statistics 01/07/2010 Start Date:
09/23/2010 Surgery Date:
5' 3"
Height:
283 lb Start Weight:
130 lb Current Weight:
150 lb Goal Weight:
153 lb Weight Loss:
-20 lb Lb Left to Lose:
54.0636042403 % % Lost:
Body Mass Index50.1257243638 BMI Start:
23.0259511212 BMI Current:
26.5684051398 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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I am on an antidepressant from going through an abusive second marriage. I was advised to keep on the antidepressant after surgery even though I dont feel i need it any longer. WIth all the changes i will be going through it is advised to continue. Fortunatly, right now I am not in a relationship, so I can be irritable and it wont affect anyone..at least here at home. However, I am hoping that I will still be able to be in a relationship once the surgery is done, especially if I have excess skin, etc. Might turn them away. LOL Who knows. RIght now, I really am trying not to think about that.
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09-10-2010, 12:45 PM
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#6 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: May 2008 Location: Just north of Iowa, not far from I-35. 2nd star on the right and straight on 'til morning!
Posts: 8,639
Weight Statistics December 13, 2007 (pre-op liquid diet started) Start Date:
December 27, 2007 Surgery Date:
5' 9"
Height:
280 lb Start Weight:
172 lb Current Weight:
184 lb Goal Weight:
108 lb Weight Loss:
-12 lb Lb Left to Lose:
38.5714285714 % % Lost:
Originally - 12/08. Actually - 8/08. Goal Date:
Body Mass Index41.3442554085 BMI Start:
25.3971854652 BMI Current:
27.1690821256 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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If you dig in the archives, you will find countless discussions of this very topic. In the last few years here, we have seen spouse walk out on the WLS patient, we've seen the WLS patient walk out on the spouse, we've seen worries denied and realized in just about every combination of drama you can imagine.
When one person in a relationship changes and the other doesn't, it sets up stresses. If the couple is good at handling stresses, it can be worked out and they can grow stronger together. If they have poor conflict resolution skills, the odds are against them. WLS is like a magnifying glass. It'll make strength stronger, and it'll make weakness worse. It could be a control thing, it could be a selfish thing. Most of us go home with the one who brought us to this dance, because that's who we are.
Do some reading in the way-back files and you'll find the good, the bad and a few uglies. There are no guarantees in life. The only dreams that come true are the ones you work hardest on.
CT
__________________ da perfesser
*******************
Dare to live your dream!!
If you want to be healthy for life, do for life the things that get you healthy!! Living healthy takes work. Dying fat is easy!! "That which we persist in doing becomes easier, not that the nature of the task has changed, but that our capacity to do has increased." - HJ Grant
"Do, or do not. There is no try!" - Yoda
Last edited by Perfesser; 09-10-2010 at 01:01 PM.
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09-10-2010, 12:50 PM
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#7 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Idaho
Posts: 3,952
Weight Statistics Jan 2009 Start Date:
Dec. 22, 2009 Surgery Date:
5' 6"
Height:
317 lb Start Weight:
194 lb Current Weight:
165 lb Goal Weight:
123 lb Weight Loss:
29 lb Lb Left to Lose:
38.8012618297 % % Lost:
May 2011 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index51.1595500459 BMI Start:
31.3089990817 BMI Current:
26.6287878788 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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I think alot of us are in marriages that allow the man t be more outspoken cause we were insecure perhaps..( I was not one of those lol I always stood up for my rights lol ) I do read many now are much stronger and they wont put up with thier crap..I have to say my husband was my rock during and those first several months when I was so ill...we have hit some rough bumps lately, but i dont think they are to do with WLS..although he does say more and more men find you attractive daily, someday you might leave me...thing is I had that opportunity when heavy, i guess he just feels more insecure now...we do become different people as we lose weight, gosh we are treated different even in society, so how could we not be different ? I figure if its true love it will work its way thru any insecurities, if not then it wasnt meant to be , you will be tested , trust me, I have been, but I have not took that road, I keep plugging along trying to work my marraige out...mine is a lil dif , good husband but an alcoholic who seems to have fallen a few times this past few months, he is going thru some health issues now and i know I need to be standing by him as he did me, but when they get drunk its kinda hard to do that, as i said it a different situation than yours, I am sure you will do just fine..hugs  Annie~
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09-10-2010, 01:23 PM
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#8 (permalink)
| | WLS Guru
Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Philly
Posts: 427
Weight Statistics uhhh... Start Date:
November 23, 2010 Surgery Date:
5' 9"
Height:
277 lb Start Weight:
192 lb Current Weight:
165 lb Goal Weight:
85 lb Weight Loss:
27 lb Lb Left to Lose:
30.6859205776 % % Lost:
November 2011 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index40.9012812434 BMI Start:
28.3503465658 BMI Current:
24.36357908 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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Thanks Summer...I guess it's on a case by case basis. I feel responsible for having to prepare everyone for ANYTHING that could happen after WLS. I think people are less interested in WLS then I am...of course...but im hoping they can pick up a few things before "I CHANGE"...
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09-10-2010, 01:49 PM
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#9 (permalink)
| | WLS Master Guru
Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Central Indiana
Posts: 555
Weight Statistics 8/1/2010 Start Date:
12/8/2010 Surgery Date:
5' 8"
Height:
307 lb Start Weight:
193 lb Current Weight:
180 lb Goal Weight:
114 lb Weight Loss:
13 lb Lb Left to Lose:
37.1335504886 % % Lost:
12/31/2011 Goal Date:
Body Mass Index46.6740916955 BMI Start:
29.3423442907 BMI Current:
27.365916955 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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Everyone's candor was so brave. I appreciate the honesty expressed in this thread and on this board.  | |
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09-10-2010, 04:10 PM
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#10 (permalink)
| | Seasoned Veteran
Join Date: May 2008 Location: Just north of Iowa, not far from I-35. 2nd star on the right and straight on 'til morning!
Posts: 8,639
Weight Statistics December 13, 2007 (pre-op liquid diet started) Start Date:
December 27, 2007 Surgery Date:
5' 9"
Height:
280 lb Start Weight:
172 lb Current Weight:
184 lb Goal Weight:
108 lb Weight Loss:
-12 lb Lb Left to Lose:
38.5714285714 % % Lost:
Originally - 12/08. Actually - 8/08. Goal Date:
Body Mass Index41.3442554085 BMI Start:
25.3971854652 BMI Current:
27.1690821256 BMI Goal:
Weight Loss MethodRoux en Y Gastric Bypass
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SummerBreeze  I think alot of us are in marriages that allow the man t be more outspoken cause we were insecure perhaps ... | I had just the opposite. For twenty plus years I tried to build Peanut up to where she could stand beside me as an equal. I think I've succeeded too well!! She can a right royal pain in the tush sometimes when she grabs a bone and defends it, but it's a beautiful thing to see!!
WLS has for her been a wonderful growth experience that has given her such confidence that she can stand beside me as a full partner now, and I love it!!
CT
__________________ da perfesser
*******************
Dare to live your dream!!
If you want to be healthy for life, do for life the things that get you healthy!! Living healthy takes work. Dying fat is easy!! "That which we persist in doing becomes easier, not that the nature of the task has changed, but that our capacity to do has increased." - HJ Grant
"Do, or do not. There is no try!" - Yoda
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